Child's consent for medical treatment..

[PamIsAVolleyballChamp]

Am hoping this comes across coherent but really upset from what a friend has said re my child and getting his 'consent' re treatment.
Our ds was born at 35 weeks, was in Nicu and still under 3 different consultant so hospital is our life and have clinics every 12 weeks. One of my colleagues has today told me it's abusive not to seek dcs consent before he has any tests or treatment and that we've been wrong for letting the paeds team do his surgery at 9 months without his expressed consent. How could he do that??

Yes, definitely do this 😂

Shes nuts. 9 month old can't give consent so it's down to the parents to make decisions in child's best interests. Yanbu ignore her and report her to your manager/HR

Playing this out to its conclusion, I can assure you that if you refused vital treatment, then the hospital would apply to the Court of Protection for an order to give treatment.

DD1 was 15 when she was admitted to hospital with an eating disorder. She was nearly tube fed. She has LDs, so the Consultant said that if they needed to tube feed they would get a hospital order because she couldn't give informed consent.

I actually think this is quite a dangerous thing. The flip side of thinking babies or toddlers being able to withdraw consent for treatments they dont have capacity to understand, is that if they can also give consent to things they dont have capacity understand as well. Its not a huge step to you can go ahead and sexually abuse them because they said yes.

I would honestly report her to HR. It’s such an inappropriate thing to say. What a weirdo!

Also, how does she know you didn’t get his consent? Has she just assumed you didn’t get it? Just tell her that explaining how he consented is a breach of confidentiality 🙄🤷‍♀️

I would just give her a wide berth in future.

Her child is also likely to be a complete nightmare too, if you live near to her choose a different school. We had two gentle/divisional ie useless parenting style families class and they caused havoc for 3 years before we moved away.

Don’t be upset, she is clearly batshit!

What a stupid, irresponsible woman.

If I waited for my newborn to consent to her surgery, she’d have died a long time before she was old enough to give it.

As if it’s not awful enough having to sign the consent form as it is.

Hope your little one is doing ok OP. 💐 Ignore her unless necessary for work in future.

Your friend? is barking bonkers and is to be pitied for their lack of logical thought

Dozy mare. Ignore her. A baby cannot give consent.🙄

Sounds like scientology, or some other crack pot religion, I just wouldn't discuss anything personal with them or get into too close a friendship.

Colleague is a complete twat. Is it a male colleague? Is he an InCel?
I would report his comments to HR. They’re vile.

You are not being unreasonable at all!
my daughter similarly was born at 24 weeks and has since had two heart surgeries, eye surgery, PEG surgery and multiple other procedures/examinations - without it, she’d not be here!
What an insensitive nut job your colleague is.

I'd have laughed in her face. She's obviously lucky she's never been in your position. If I had waited for my daughter to consent to her brain surgery (that took place when she was 3 weeks old), she would be dead. So on balance, probably for the best I signed the forms and we didn't wait for her.

I would worry about their mental health tbh, a baby can't consent you are acting in your baby's best interest please stop thinking about this. It doesn't deserve any of your headspace.

Just to add to the chorus - your colleague is being ridiculous. And also rude, insensitive and hurtful. They clearly have absolutely no understanding of the reality of parenting a child with complex medical needs and, instead of listening and being supportive, or just saying nothing, have barged in with something totally inappropriate and dogmatic.

I think they are likely to have read/listened to some Sarah Ockwell-Smith stuff about "childism" and the idea that overruling a child's wishes or imposing your will on a child because you are the (bigger, stronger) adult is abusive and discriminatory.

The idea is so idiotic that I don't even know where to start with it. Suffice to say that yes actually as a parent you have a responsibility and a duty of care to act in the best interests of your child. For example by consenting to necessary medical treatment for them when they are too young/unwell to take part in the decision making, giving them medication they need but don't like, and changing their nappy so they don't get nappy rash.

And part of parenting as our children grow up, is gradually increasing what they are responsible for, in an age and developmentally appropriate way. Which might be choosing what to eat or what to wear; or when/how to do homework. And sometimes that also includes making decisions about how to manage chronic health conditions (eg starting to take responsibility for checking and managing blood sugar level for an older child with diabetes). But clearly, clearly does not include withholding necessary surgery on a baby because they didn't "consent" to it. Ffs.