DH turned off Find my friend while I was away

[SarahLdn740]

I went away for one night with my dad and kids. DH and I always have Find my friend switched on and I often check where he is (we don’t do many exciting things and he doesn’t really drink anymore, so it’s mainly to see how far from home he is, if he’s left the office etc). While away, I wanted to check if he’s home from work already and the location thing didn’t work. I just assumed the app was slow as that happens and didn’t think about it. I am back today though and was checking if he got to the office and again it didn’t work. Then in the evening I wanted to see if he’s on way home and it didn’t, so I realised that clearly it’s off.
i never thought i had a reason not to trust him, but it felt off in connection with the fact that I was away for that night. I waited until we saw each other this evening and looked at his phone, and indeed location was off. I asked him and he said he didn’t switch it off, has no idea etc. My gut is telling me he’s lying and I’m really baffled… he then tried to turn it around and got annoyed with me for not trusting him and had to go on a late work call. Left me with a guilt trip that I’m coming up with this right before a stressful work zoom.

what would you do? I want to let it go, but it feels off.

So basically op, you don't trust him, and you're first thought when you can't track his movements is he's shagging about? Relationships over isn't it?

No it doesn't, unless you purposely enable it.

Am thinking of a 'dp is on holiday with our toddler and his family, I couldn't get time off due to work. He's called in a rage as he was unable to track me on the journey home from work and I've taken too long to cycle home according to google'...
The LTB, stalker, abusive, controlling, suffocating would be off the scale!

Ok, I am not a fan of location sharing and disable and bypass it.

But I do know quite a few people who use it. I'm in major metropolis where things happen, trains and busses get delayed, there's gridlock and police activity, and people use it to see when to expect a spouse or relative if they're late, or starting dinner, whatever.

Yes, it's weird that he turned it off the night you and the kids were away. He obviously didn't want you to see where he went.

I have to go in my phone and switch on or off. It doesn't just randomly shut off if it's on.

I had a similar set up I used when I was doing remote sports alone (cycling, walking, etc). It often switched off location sharing for no reason. I've never thought about it til now, but it could also have looked like I had deliberately switched it off, but I definitely hadn't (have given up using it now).

@SarahLdn740It’s just AIBU. The other topic boards are far better. AIBU is full of grown up school bullies, desperate for a pile on.

PS, I just tried and you can’t add the toggle for turning Location on/off onto your Control Cente dropdown menu as a quick launch button so if it’s an iPhone then he definitely had to go through all of those steps to switch it off. 😬

This is honestly a joke… I’m not calling in a rage, I’m not controlling, I just thought it would be weird to be lying about the tracker being toggled off - ESPECIALLY that I’m NOT controlling and he knows he could tell me if he minded me using it.

I also never said he was cheating, more that I thought he was lying and I do trust him, hence I’m surprised.

honestly this is leading to me defending myself while we are two adults consenting to be using a practical app on our phones…

Do you mind me asking if that was iPhone or android? Might be helpful for OP to know, if her DH has same operating system as you

hmm… I’ll see what he says later.. thank you!

Good luck! Let us know how it goes 🤞🏻

You weren't there so why were you checking?

Android phone, Google sharing location.

Can't even get it to share at all now, so who knows!

Thanks! He has an iPhone, but still encouraging!😊

Couldn't you get an ankle tag for him, OP? And a remotely operated zapper collar if he goes off the course you have charted for him? Jaysus.

Yes, you both agreed to use location tracking with each other. It's personal choice and you have both opted in. That's what makes it odd that it was turned off the night you were away with the kids.

I'd dig in on this.

So then op had to agree to a 'you said you were at yoga till 8pm.. tracker shows you were still out at 815...EXPLAIN YOUR MOVEMENT!!'

Sometimes things do get knocked off accidentally and it’s innocent. I’ll just warm you op, once you start sliding down this cliff it’s so difficult to get back up. It could be either .

@SarahLdn740I don’t think you’re obsessive about this. I think you’re right to question the timing.

My DD’s iPhone recently stopped sharing location on Find My iPhone after an update. So your DH’s phone could have stopped sharing location without him deliberately turning it off.

The timing is definitely fishy. However, if he was trying to cover his tracks, he would have turned his location back on after the “suspicious” activity. The fact that he didn’t suggests that he probably wasn’t up to no good. But can understand why you are questioning.

Im sorry you have had a rough ride on this thread.

I would turn it off and never turn it back on again.

We don't use this in my house and I have always found it weird that couples do use it. Everyone says for 'safety' or 'just in case' but the minute it doesn't connect, it's not about safety, it's about what sinister reason did the other party have for this not working? Let me ask them! Why did it take so long for them to respond when they were supposed to be at location X, but text from Y, but 2 minutes longer than it should have taken from Y so they were probably at Z! Let me be suspicious about the answer! Let me not believe them! Let me challenge their defensive behaviour! Let me wonder why they are acting strange when I do!

It's all very unhealthy.

If I were you, I'd turn it off, his and yours, and then see how you cope without it.

What red flags will be seen as part of natural intuition instead of a tracker.

Do you trust him or yourself enough to try?

or have we now decided that I’m a nutjob who is obsessively tracking her husband so he’s scared to say anything and has to hide going to the pub?

OP you track each others phones and you admit to seeing where he is, even when you’re away.
What’s worse is you’re acting like it’s completely normal and there’s nothing wrong with it.

How you can think you’re anything other than controlling or a nut job after admitting that, is mind boggling.

The fact that you think it’s completely normal makes you sound even more nutty.

Yes it is VERY weird.

If i was away, it wouldn't dawn on me to check someone hasn't been hit by a car. The general rule of thumb is to message somebody saying 'hi, how was you're day?"

You were stalking

I wonder if this was reversed would the comments be so sympathetic I doubt it u sound controlling and you need to get a grip

Bloody hell OP, what did you before the mobile was invented? Sorry, I would hate this “ tracking” malarchy.

A quick text would suffice, surely?

Bloody hell enigma why would you need to text - what did you do before mobiles and texting was invented….

😂