Page 10 | AIBU to shrivel up and die of embarrassment?

ConcernedOfClapham · 14/08/2025 07:32

My Uncle, sadly no longer with us, but spent most of his career in a London Advertising agency and towards retirement was increasingly embarrassed about ‘keeping up with the younger intake’, and not showing himself up as some kind of senile old fart.

So when he was assigned to a campaign with a new, impressive, younger partner, he was getting to know her and the conversation went thus:

Him : “so where do you travel in from then?”

Her : “Plymouth Hoe”

Him : “Plymouth Hoe?!?”

Her : (tutting, speaking louder and slower and looking at him like he’s a senile old fart) “Pimlico”

PoachedCloud · 14/08/2025 07:35

Back last century, when car entertainment systems were more primitive, a mechanic charged a colleague £60 to diagnose the "knocking sound which increased at speed" as the ball she had placed on the aerial to make it easier to spot in a festival car park knocking on the roof of the car when driving.

KimberleyClark · 14/08/2025 07:42

Saponarium · 13/08/2025 22:52

This was around the time of the terror attacks in London. I was staying at my boyfriend's flat in central London. He was in a ground floor flat with mysterious neighbours above that always seemed to walk around in the middle of the night. One night, along with the heavy footsteps, we started hearing some awful fizzing and popping sounds, as if someone was mixing chemicals! We were frozen in bed, listening and terrified. We couldn't think what else it could be apart from someone making bombs, so we decided to call the police. I got up to look for my phone. It was then that I stumbled across a jam jar under the bed which contained a fermented salsa that I'd made at a local fayre about a week before. I'd completely forgotten about it and the gases had popped the lid of the jar and it was fizzing away noisily! Thank god we didn't call the police.

Reminds me of when I was about 13, there was a rather alarming fizzing noise coming from one of the kitchen cupboards, turned out it was a pea soaking tablet that used to come with packets of dried peas that had got damp in the cupboard.

LyndaSnellsSniff · 14/08/2025 07:43

We had a new boiler fitted and fairly soon afterwards, the thermostat stopped "talking" to the boiler. I called the plumber who told me to check the batteries as that's usually the cause of the problem. But since it was fairly new I insisted it couldn't be the batteries and could he please come and see it.

It was the batteries.

BellaTheDarkOverlord · 14/08/2025 07:47

Brilliant!

At 1am I once had a police car zoom down into our cul de sac after another car. The suspect jumped out and run off into a garden. Police jumped out but couldn’t find him.

I woke up hearing noise outside my bedroom window like someone walking on gravel. Went to tell the police man outside who was looking that someone was in my garden and might be the suspect. We both went into my back garden and stood over a hedgehog that was snuffling on a rouge piece of plastic in my garden. Suspect hedgehog 😂

ArtificialFlower · 14/08/2025 07:48

Hillrunning · 13/08/2025 22:24

DH and I had had our cst for about 3 months when we noticed a very concerning patch of missing fur. We dutifully took him off the the vet and spent a good 6 minutes rummaging about on his tummy to find this worrying patch. The vet looked at us pityingly and said 'that's his belly button'

I’d been walking my dog in long grass in the summer and read a scary article about ticks. I found some suspicious lumps on her underside. I was staying with a friend miles from home so we looked up a local vet. Who I rang in a panic to describe the lumps. She asked me precisely where they were, and then patiently explained they were the dog’s nipples. And no, I probably shouldn’t try twisting them off with a tick remover as I suggested.

Ihaveonedaughter · 14/08/2025 07:49

I was really worried about the colour of my hands , they were going blue, and went to see the GP who told me to keep an eye on them over the next week or so. Then the next day i was washing my hair and realised my hands were blue from using purple shampoo!!

AndiPandiPuddinAndPie · 14/08/2025 07:50

Many years ago on a swelteringly hot day, me and my mum decided to make the most of it and sit in the kids paddling pool with a couple of martinis 🍸. It was lovely , the only problem being there was a house alarm going off in one of the houses nearby. We sat there chatting about how it must be the heat and the homeowner had to be at work or on holiday to not turn it off. About 45 minutes later it was getting seriously annoying, ruining our sunbathing and chill out. It was only when we went in for a drink refil that we realised it was our alarm 😳

NotSmallButFunSize · 14/08/2025 08:10

takealettermsjones · 13/08/2025 20:03

Hahahahaahaha amazing 🤣

I was once that person who logged an IT issue at work, got them to come and fix it, and it wasn't plugged in properly 🤣

Oh this is me too -

"What the hell is wrong with this camera? It's so annoying, never works on Teams, just blackness blah blah ..."

"You see that little slider at the top? That's a lens cover"

🙈

PeonyPatch · 14/08/2025 08:17

redbusbeepbeep · 13/08/2025 19:58

I am quite honestly never going to get over this. It was my birthday yesterday and as my partner works away he arranged for something to be sent to the house, along with flowers and a helium balloon.

A few weeks ago we had a leak from the bathroom, pretty bad, leaking down the walls and through our light sockets. The plumber came and fixed the leak, however 2 days later it’s leaking again, no where near as bad luckily as we caught it in time. He comes again and haven’t had an issue since.

Today I’m sat having a coffee and I notice a patch around the same area. Furious I phone the plumber to tell him the problem STILL isn’t sorted and he needs to come back as soon as possible, as I’m meeting friends in another city at lunch time and I wouldn’t dare leave it like that.

Plumber comes, it’s not a fucking leak, it’s the shadow from the helium balloon.

Absolutely love this. 😂🤣

Robin67 · 14/08/2025 08:17

LeftieRightsHoarder · 13/08/2025 22:33

Thanks for all these mortifying stories! I’m laughing at you all, and myself too.

I have learned, over the years, that the more assertive and self-righteous I am towards someone who has caused a problem, the more likely it is that I am mistaken and it was actually my fault. And I can’t usually creep silently away …

One of the great and awful truths of life.

Same here. It's so annoying isn't it

ConnieHeart · 14/08/2025 08:45

My best friend is terrified of wasps. One day she was in her shared kitchen with her housemate that she didn't know very well. She could hear a buzzing sound. She started to panic and was waving her arms around going "where is it? Where is it?" Her housemate then politely pointed out it was the noise from the next door neighbour mowing his lawn...🤣

Melonmango70 · 14/08/2025 08:47

We had VIP tickets at a festival, which included yurt-like accommodation (basically a tiny lockable hut). We got to the festival, dumped our stuff and went for a wander. When we went back the door wouldn't unlock, so we went to staff to sort it out. They used their master key to unlock it and we were so relieved...then looked in and none of our stuff was there. We'd been robbed! We were raging for about ten seconds until we realised....not robbed - just trying to get into the wrong mini-yurt. Pair of twats!

ConnieHeart · 14/08/2025 08:53

Another time, around 40 years ago, my cousin really fancied this boy so wanted me to ring him up (from the phone box, no mobiles!) & ask him out for her. He said no. She was so mortified about having to face him she then got me to ring him, pretend to be her, and to sound upset & tell him there had been a misunderstanding. Rang him again, put on my best Oscar performance, pretended to cry & said that I didn't want to go out with him, my cousin (me) had done it behind my back, etc, etc, rambled on for 3 to 4 minutes. The reply was "this is his sister" 🤣

BellaTheDarkOverlord · 14/08/2025 08:55

I always tell this one but I still laugh years later at my stupidity 😂

I once had a wood pigeon in my garden which was stuck down our newly dug foundations and had like 4 cats surrounding it. I saved it and put it in a box to take to vets as it wouldn’t fly.

I called vets OOH and had following conversation.

Me: Hi I have found a wood pigeon and I don’t think it can fly. It might be injured.
Vet: Ok that’s fine I can give you an address to take it to. Can I take a name please?
Me: Sorry I don’t know its name, I only just met him.
Vet: -silence- No…. YOUR name…

I thought they were asking what the pigeon’s name was 😂

Applewatch · 14/08/2025 08:59

I was a facilities manager in my youth, new role and one of my first tasks was to replace a broken fridge in one of the kitchens. Got the thing delivered and put into place and it wasn't working - gah!! was standing looking at it pondering why it wasn't working and was just about to ring the company that supplied it when an employee lifted the cable with the plug attached and asked me if it might be because it wasn't plugged in 😳

FlibbertyGibbitt · 14/08/2025 09:00

Last week my ex mil rang me to say her gas hob wasn’t working and was going to ring the gas board (!) to come round to repair.

I went round the next day and switched the plug back on. Job done.

Funnywonder · 14/08/2025 09:01

Ihaveonedaughter · 14/08/2025 07:49

I was really worried about the colour of my hands , they were going blue, and went to see the GP who told me to keep an eye on them over the next week or so. Then the next day i was washing my hair and realised my hands were blue from using purple shampoo!!

🤣🤣

This reminds me of something that happened with my eldest son years ago when he was about two I was getting him changed for bed when I noticed a large pale brown blotch on one of his legs. I rubbed at it a bit but it wouldn’t budge. It looked like hyperpigmentation. I got him to bed and of course started googling and got myself into a right old state that he had this really rare disease. I was about to phone DP, who was visiting his mum, when I spotted a tube of gradual self tanner lying open on the living room floor😬

Thefaceofboe · 14/08/2025 09:06

BellaTheDarkOverlord · 14/08/2025 08:55

I always tell this one but I still laugh years later at my stupidity 😂

I once had a wood pigeon in my garden which was stuck down our newly dug foundations and had like 4 cats surrounding it. I saved it and put it in a box to take to vets as it wouldn’t fly.

I called vets OOH and had following conversation.

Me: Hi I have found a wood pigeon and I don’t think it can fly. It might be injured.
Vet: Ok that’s fine I can give you an address to take it to. Can I take a name please?
Me: Sorry I don’t know its name, I only just met him.
Vet: -silence- No…. YOUR name…

I thought they were asking what the pigeon’s name was 😂

Haha 😂

Dancingsquirrels · 14/08/2025 09:18

Called out TV repairman for faulty tv

Turned out our cleaner had unplugged TV to do some hoovering

ladyofshertonabbas · 14/08/2025 09:21

Love this, OP! I once returned some jeans to GAP because they were damaged. Turns out they were that deliberately distressed look.

DeanStockwelll · 14/08/2025 09:26

NotDarkGothicMama · 13/08/2025 22:09

Yesterday I was waiting for Sainsbury's to deliver my shopping before I went to work, 7-8am timeslot. 8 o'clock came and went and I was getting more and more annoyed that they hadn't so much as phoned to say they were going to be late. I ranted to DH about how this was the second time they'd kept me waiting, I was going to be late, blah de blah. Opened the email to find the order number so I could phone customer services and spotted that I'd accidentally booked click & collect... Our Sainsbury's is the other side of town so I arrived at nearly 9 and had to explain to customer services before they would bring out my shopping. Eventually got to work just before 10.

I had a similar similar issue with tescos not turning up , but then I realised I hadn't had the reminder 'have you forgotten anything' text I normally get the day before the delivery.
I checked and , yup my fault I'd booked it for the following Saturday.
I am so glad I realised before I phoned to complain..

PrincessHoneysuckle · 14/08/2025 09:38

I contacted Virgin as our router wasn't working and we couldn't possibly survive without WiFi 🙃 the engineer turned up and promptly plugged it in properly.I was absolutely mortified! He put a legitimate reason for the fault on his paperwork so I wasn't charged though.I was so grateful 🤣

PrincessHoneysuckle · 14/08/2025 09:39

BellaTheDarkOverlord · 14/08/2025 08:55

I always tell this one but I still laugh years later at my stupidity 😂

I once had a wood pigeon in my garden which was stuck down our newly dug foundations and had like 4 cats surrounding it. I saved it and put it in a box to take to vets as it wouldn’t fly.

I called vets OOH and had following conversation.

Me: Hi I have found a wood pigeon and I don’t think it can fly. It might be injured.
Vet: Ok that’s fine I can give you an address to take it to. Can I take a name please?
Me: Sorry I don’t know its name, I only just met him.
Vet: -silence- No…. YOUR name…

I thought they were asking what the pigeon’s name was 😂

🤣🤣

FlibbertyGibbitt · 14/08/2025 09:52

This also reminds me when I had two kittens and a white basin in the bathroom which, being kittens, liked to explore.

Came home from work to find tiny blood spots over said basin 😱 was terrified they / one had hurt them and immediately rushed them to the vets in a panic.

Yes, it was flea dust. Mortified.