AIBU to think my ex should pay more child maintenance when he earns £720k a year?

[Pashpash24]

I’ll try to keep this as short as possible while giving some back story.

I was with my ex-partner for four years. We had a son together, but he walked out before he was born. He saw him a few times as a newborn, but I had asked that he didn’t bring his new partner. My son was six weeks old when he turned up at my door with her, even though I’d said it was too soon.

He took me to court saying she should be allowed to meet him. The court agreed it was too soon and suggested maybe when the baby was older.

Because of that, he told me he would never see his son again. I was devastated and said fine, she can meet him, because I didn’t want him to walk away. But he still refused and never saw him again.

For six years, he had no contact — no visits, no messages, nothing. The only thing he did was pay child maintenance. It was a decent amount (£1,277.50 a month), and I never asked for more.

He went on to have three more children with his now wife. I just got on with life until one day my son came out of school and asked, “I must have a dad, right?” I’d never told him about his father because I didn’t want him to feel abandoned.

When he started asking more questions, I texted his dad to say I was going to tell him the truth — I wasn’t going to raise him on a lie. I’d messaged over the years, even sent photos, and he’d read them on WhatsApp but never replied. So I didn’t expect a response this time either.

Surprisingly, he replied and said maybe it was time to meet. This was when my son was six (he’s now nearly nine). In the last three years, he’s probably met him in person about 10 times. He calls roughly once every 10 days, which I think is poor — it should’ve progressed a lot more by now.

Anyway, to the point. I recently logged into my Child Maintenance account after receiving an unusual notification. It showed his salary: £720,000 a year.

I’ve always been paid £1,277.50 a month because that’s what CMS caps it at. He could earn £1 million a week and I’d still receive that same amount — you have to go to court for any increase.

Would he be able to afford more? Absolutely. I know it’s a decent amount, but he only pays it because that’s the legal minimum CMS tells him to.

I’m self-employed and work part-time so my son can do after-school activities — he’s football mad and trains/plays four times a week. I’m essentially raising him alone; my dad moved 40 miles away, and I have no relationship with my mum. I rarely get a break, but that’s been the reality since the start.

I’ve never asked for an increase, but life is much more expensive now. £1,277 doesn’t go as far as it did six years ago, and £720,000 a year is a huge income.

To put it into perspective — CMS only calculates maintenance on a maximum salary of £156,000 a year. My ex earns over four times that, but I still only get the amount they’d set for £156k — just over 2% of his actual income. Unless I go to court for a “top-up order”, that’s all I’ll ever get.

AIBU to ask for more?

I could claim I'm a trained, qualified lawyer on Mumsnet. That doesn't make it true!

Where did OP ‘plead poverty’?

If op, her ex and ds had lived together as a family and ds was at private school, had expensive hobbies etc prior to a separation, then a top up order would surely be granted. But that didn't happen and ds hasn't lost a standard of living he was previously accustomed to, he never had it. So would a top up order even be granted - legal advice is needed. Or op could simply ask ex to set up a savings account for ds so he has money for a house deposit/ uni fees etc in the future.

That's alot of money. I get £200 I'd happily have that amount for my child. Yes I understand he has alot of money and other children etc but unless you need more for a specific reason then it should be enough unless it isn't? Does he gets everything he needs with that?

Echoing previous comments my understanding is top up orders are not uncommon. Googling the ‘Adjusted Formula Methodology’ will bring up some recent cases, although that formula is for up to £600k. Lots of jealous people on this thread who would no doubt want to do the best for their DC if the situation were reversed.

Wish I had this problem 😂 I don’t even get £200 a month in CM. And my ex never sees his child.

I agree with this. You don't desperately need the extra money now but kids get more expensive as they get older. Savings to go towards university, driving lessons etc will help give him a leg up when he needs it most.

Because it’ not true. I know several people who have top ups ordered by the courts, which are substantially higher than CMS and based on the salary of the absent parent. And I’m wondering why OP had to go through CMS for child maintenance - doesn’t sound like dad was a willing participant at all.

This.

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I don’t get why all these posters are on your case OP. Where I live a 2 bed flat, no garden, will cost 1200 a month to rent. Even if you were matching the income, it’s hard to see how anyone can see that as luxury money. Yes people survive on less but that’s not your responsibility.

if your son wants to go to university, he will need money. Not unreasonable to expect a well earning parent to contribute more financially when he does nothing to meet his son’s practical needs.

Using ChatGPT to do the maths, and based on the difference between the 156k cap and 720k salary, you could potentially expect a court ordered top up to lead to an increase to £2447 a month. Hardly bankrupting him, and more money for your son, even if you simply put in savings for him for when he’s older.

• Step 1: Excess income above CMS cap
• £720,000 − £156,000 = £564,000
• Step 2: Tariff on excess income (at 2.5%)
• £564,000 × 0.025 = £14,100/year (~£271/week)
• Step 3: Add capped CMS amount
• CMS max = £15,288/year (~£294/week)
• Plus top-up = £14,100/year (~£271/week)
• Total ≈ £29,388/year (~£565/week, or ~£2,447/month)

So say you go to court and get £1500. Great, a bit more money to save and allow you to own a property for the rest of your life.

This dilemma is far from the most important matter you should be thi king about. What you should be prioritising is how you'll support yourself in 9 years with a PT cleaning job. Or are you betting on tour son following on his father's steps, become a sport professional and relying on him to support your lifestyle?

Do you have anything saved towards a decent pension in addition to a deposit for a house?

Snippy ? try vile. So many of the responses on here are bloody awful

This. Your ex is paying what CMS has asked him to pay and he has 3 other DC to consider too. The amount you are being given is more than enough to pay for your DS.

I am shocked to see so many negative comments towards OP who is raising her son alone and works as a cleaner. Come on, people!!

I have no advice re maintenance (no knowledge/experience in it), but I really wish you and your son all the best.

I should think the reason for not introducing a new woman/partner too soon isn’t mainly about safety but about,
a. avoiding too much that is too new too soon for a child.
b. Giving time to see if the new relationship is stable.

The court must have taken something like that sort of view too as they agreed with the OP.

He is an arse. And a year ago I would have said absolutely see a solicitor and get the money you’re technically entitled to.

A few things to think about. Your ex may see the £1200 as a small price to pay, considering his salary, for not having to do anything. If you push it, which you absolutely are entitled to do, then he may suddenly want more contact, and want to build up to overnights and 50/50. Whether or not he gets it if he goes through the courts is another matter. Do you want the stress of this?

I’m saying this as someone who gets nothing from my ex for two children. CMS are useless. If your ex pays £1200 reliably, I would be inclined to let sleeping dogs lie and look into ways of increasing your income. You will not receive CM forever, don’t fall into the trap of relying on it.

I do agree with the suggestion of asking your ex to pay some into a savings account for your child.

Not rtft but my child has "intact" parents and has never been on a proper holiday because we simply cannot afford it after the mortgage, bills, unexpected emergencies etc. Personally I wouldn't poke the hornet.

My God you should look into that! I only get £320 pm (1 child) - and hes always claimed hes on min wage. Are u doing it through the government system (because men will lie about their salary btw?

So a woman goes ahead and decides to have the baby and expects the father to pay vast amounts in this case even though it’s clear the father isn’t a father and doesn’t want a child .1200 a month is a bloody fortune

My ex gives me £50/week. I know someone who has capped theirs at just under a grand via the courts. So, if I was you and you can live on what you have i would continue. Sorry 😞

Honestly don't understand comments on this post.
He's earning a ridiculous amount of money and of course you should go for more if you're able to.
His other children will have a standard of living now and in the future that your son doesn't and why shouldn't he?His father can more than afford to up the payments and if he doesn't want you to benefit from it then get him to open a savings account for his future.
Never understand women who say be grateful I only get £25 etc!

Roughly £250k over 18 years

That’s simply not true though - what do you think a ‘top-up’ order is?