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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband and football

57 replies

cherrypied · 13/08/2025 16:14

DH has always liked football and watched England and World Cup. And followed along his local team in a very low division and a premiership team.

we have been together 10 years

recently he got back into supporting his team and bought a season ticket for 24 /25. I have no issue with this. He goes to the home matches. But he won’t miss a match AT ALL. everything schedule around it, even holidays and Birthdays. He then goes to al the other matches too that are at home - non league ones. I get its nice to have a hobby and would never ask him not to go but if we get an invite he will turn it down.

Now this year it’s escalated to watching almost every match in tv whatever team. So some weeks there can be 3 football watched on from 7-9 each evening. Plus weekend TV or match.

then there is Saturday - if he is not at a match he is glued to tv.

For an evening match he just puts the TV on and doesn’t ask me and that’s it for 2 hours. Of course I say something non confrontational .

now he started streaming you tube matches onto the TV with a 7pm kick of from very obscure teams. I’m now quite pissed off because if had know I would have gone out.

I have said if he want to watch football to tell me in advance so i can plan to do something. I’m not sure he will though. I often don’t have anything major to watch but I can’t sit in the room with it in it really annoys me (and that is my issue but I am quite tolerant of 1-2 matches a week plus’s attendance at all the home games)

AIBU

YES- YABU football is a nice hobby
NO - YANBU he is too obsessed -it’s not normal level of interest and he is being thoughtless

OP posts:
Original poster
cherrypied · 13/08/2025 18:16

Boredlass · 13/08/2025 16:52

He sounds like me. Football is important to me. If it was a man saying a woman should stop something that was important to her, there would be fury on here. I suspect it’s just because it’s football though

It’s isn’t like that at all.

He Is hogging the nice room and not telling me in advance his plans so I can go and do something.

I came home last night to spend time with him when I actually wanted to go elsewhere. And he put this random match on you tube. Without telling me. If he told me in advance I could have had a nicer time staying where I was. In the end I went back but it was double to petrol 😖

OP posts:
TheTecknician · 13/08/2025 18:32

Having a hobby is all well and good but this man seems to have gone from relatively normal supporting to full-blown obsessive. I wonder if something has triggered that?

LlynTegid · 13/08/2025 18:59

Going to the home matches, reasonable. The other amount of time is excessive. I wonder why the change of heart too.

Whowhatwhere21 · 13/08/2025 19:28

Is it definitely just all about the football and just wanting to watch? Or is it possible seen as hes now watching absolutely everything and anything, has he started betting on matches?

Daisyvodka · 13/08/2025 19:29

I hate to say this really as I think you've been more than understanding, but do you think its possible he has checked out of the relationship as a whole, or subscribes to the school of thought that he doesnt need to put any effort in? How's things between you otherwise? What was he like before, did he plan time together or did he always just kind of go along with what you suggested? What would happen if, for example, your friend had a birthday party you were invited to, is it so bad that he would try and miss it or complain about going, or does he just say 'cant, match on' if you try and make plans at a match time, say suggesting you meet friends for a drink etc?

Original poster
cherrypied · 13/08/2025 19:41

LlynTegid · 13/08/2025 18:59

Going to the home matches, reasonable. The other amount of time is excessive. I wonder why the change of heart too.

Change of heart due to club went into difficulties and was rescued by fan donations and this reignited his passion his dad, brothers, uncle and grandma all have or have had season tickets at some point. Then he bought a season ticket to help save the club.

OP posts:
Original poster
cherrypied · 13/08/2025 19:42

Daisyvodka · 13/08/2025 19:29

I hate to say this really as I think you've been more than understanding, but do you think its possible he has checked out of the relationship as a whole, or subscribes to the school of thought that he doesnt need to put any effort in? How's things between you otherwise? What was he like before, did he plan time together or did he always just kind of go along with what you suggested? What would happen if, for example, your friend had a birthday party you were invited to, is it so bad that he would try and miss it or complain about going, or does he just say 'cant, match on' if you try and make plans at a match time, say suggesting you meet friends for a drink etc?

I think this is probably the case

OP posts:
Original poster
cherrypied · 13/08/2025 19:44

Whowhatwhere21 · 13/08/2025 19:28

Is it definitely just all about the football and just wanting to watch? Or is it possible seen as hes now watching absolutely everything and anything, has he started betting on matches?

I could see why you said that but i for various reasons don’t think this possible.

OP posts:
AutumnChild99 · 13/08/2025 20:26

My husband is a season ticket holder and goes to other home games too, meets his mates there and all that, but if there's a holiday or event that clashes with matches he'll sell his ticket with no drama. If there's a match on TV he'll normally watch it, but if he needs to miss it it's no big deal. I think there are reasonable and unreasonable ways of doing this - having a hobby is reasonable, making it the priority of your entire life isn't (especially if you are married and your wife doesn't share this passion).

CarpetKnees · 13/08/2025 20:32

There are regularly threads on MN where posters pile on and say the man is wrong, just because some posters have a weird hatred of anything to do with football. So I actually opened the thread to defend him, BUT YANBU at all.
He is being ridiculous.
I like football. I follow a local team on a Sunday. I have a Championship side I look out for the results for and get notifications on my phone. I love watching the little clubs when the BBC follow them in the FA Cup. I watch MotD or Chapions League. This close season it has been great to watch the Lionesses in the Euros. HOWEVER even with all that, I don't watch matches on TV every night. I don't watch random matches on You Tube. I commonly don't have the TV on at all. I go out and about and enjoy other hobbies and volunteering and - dare I say it - actually spending time with my dh.

YANBU at all.

Screamingabdabz · 13/08/2025 20:37

The measure is whether he’s putting his hobby (whatever that hobby may be) in front of his relationship and ‘real life’. He is. So fuck him. If I were you op, he’d be getting the boot. (No pun intended).

OnlyHasEyesForLoki · 13/08/2025 20:38

The thing is you are now not having any kind of relationship. It just can’t be sustained. If he wants football as his only priority that’s up to him but he really can’t expect you to stick around.

PollyBell · 13/08/2025 20:40

CarpetKnees · 13/08/2025 20:32

There are regularly threads on MN where posters pile on and say the man is wrong, just because some posters have a weird hatred of anything to do with football. So I actually opened the thread to defend him, BUT YANBU at all.
He is being ridiculous.
I like football. I follow a local team on a Sunday. I have a Championship side I look out for the results for and get notifications on my phone. I love watching the little clubs when the BBC follow them in the FA Cup. I watch MotD or Chapions League. This close season it has been great to watch the Lionesses in the Euros. HOWEVER even with all that, I don't watch matches on TV every night. I don't watch random matches on You Tube. I commonly don't have the TV on at all. I go out and about and enjoy other hobbies and volunteering and - dare I say it - actually spending time with my dh.

YANBU at all.

Yes this my husband has a normal level of interest in football there is nothing wrong with this what is in the op is insane

BrummiMummi · 13/08/2025 20:41

Whowhatwhere21 · 13/08/2025 19:28

Is it definitely just all about the football and just wanting to watch? Or is it possible seen as hes now watching absolutely everything and anything, has he started betting on matches?

I was just about to comment this - seems likely if he’s escalated to anything and everything

CharlotteCChapel · 13/08/2025 20:42

Be glad it's only football, I get cricket and rugby

AuntieLemonade · 13/08/2025 20:45

🟥 A huge red card for me! Makes a change from red flags on here… 🚩 Bench this saddo OP, he’s bottom of the league 💋

Jiski · 13/08/2025 20:47

You need to have a proper conversation with him and make some demands.

He needs to tell you when he wants to watch football in advance so you can make other plans.

Worst case scenario you have a rota for who can use the nice telly and he can watch it somewhere else.

He’s taking the piss big time and taking you for granted.

This would be grounds for divorce for me.

Uptightmum · 13/08/2025 20:47

My husband and eldest have a season ticket for one team, me and my youngest have season tickets for another team! Both premiership teams. Cost a fortune. Both DS also play football, 2 x training and 2 x matches each week. Are whole life revolves around football fixtures both children’s and professionals. DC2 birthday this week but had to have an early party so not to clash with fixtures.

i have spend both my 30 & 40 at the match. We’ve been matches on each others birthday. My DH actually went to the his team vs my team on my birthday

I get if you’re not into it - it’s absurd!!!

BuildbyNumbere · 13/08/2025 20:48

When they are a season ticket holder it does seem to take over and everything gets planned around the football. Watching random international team matches all the time does seem a bit over the top though … and surely he can miss something on TV if it’s not his team, that’s too much! Saturday afternoon there is a blackout, so unless he is illegally streaming he won’t have anything to watch.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 13/08/2025 21:03

cherrypied · 13/08/2025 18:16

It’s isn’t like that at all.

He Is hogging the nice room and not telling me in advance his plans so I can go and do something.

I came home last night to spend time with him when I actually wanted to go elsewhere. And he put this random match on you tube. Without telling me. If he told me in advance I could have had a nicer time staying where I was. In the end I went back but it was double to petrol 😖

Show quote history

Did you tell him you’d come and left your night out to spend time with him and ask him to switch it off?

ccridersuz · 13/08/2025 21:16

Ok so I’ve been married over 46 years to a Liverpool supporter, lived in Germany where football was on everyday, except Tuesdays.
Now live in Greece and can access every European match, including the UK leagues, 24/7.
But, even what your husband is doing is over the top excessive, by football fanatic standards.
Seriously, this guy is a waste of space, time you moved on and left him to it.

Thelondonone · 13/08/2025 21:21

My dad is a huge football fan and follows his team home and away. But also follows England home and away. My mam made the decision to stay with him and live her own life around it. I am also a big fan and so is my husband-of a different team. We both go when we can but not to the detriment of our families. When we retire we’d live to go to a World Cup and the ashes. I’d say if you can’t beat him then join him. We both live a long way from our home town clubs but if I lived at home then I’d have a season ticket and go to many away matches-living 300 miles away stops that..,

Thelondonone · 13/08/2025 21:24

But sport is on our tele 24/7. Football, cricket, golf, tennis, ping pong, bowls, you name it-he’ll watch it. We sometimes also watch our local non-league team…

SSea · 13/08/2025 21:38

cherrypied · 13/08/2025 16:14

DH has always liked football and watched England and World Cup. And followed along his local team in a very low division and a premiership team.

we have been together 10 years

recently he got back into supporting his team and bought a season ticket for 24 /25. I have no issue with this. He goes to the home matches. But he won’t miss a match AT ALL. everything schedule around it, even holidays and Birthdays. He then goes to al the other matches too that are at home - non league ones. I get its nice to have a hobby and would never ask him not to go but if we get an invite he will turn it down.

Now this year it’s escalated to watching almost every match in tv whatever team. So some weeks there can be 3 football watched on from 7-9 each evening. Plus weekend TV or match.

then there is Saturday - if he is not at a match he is glued to tv.

For an evening match he just puts the TV on and doesn’t ask me and that’s it for 2 hours. Of course I say something non confrontational .

now he started streaming you tube matches onto the TV with a 7pm kick of from very obscure teams. I’m now quite pissed off because if had know I would have gone out.

I have said if he want to watch football to tell me in advance so i can plan to do something. I’m not sure he will though. I often don’t have anything major to watch but I can’t sit in the room with it in it really annoys me (and that is my issue but I am quite tolerant of 1-2 matches a week plus’s attendance at all the home games)

AIBU

YES- YABU football is a nice hobby
NO - YANBU he is too obsessed -it’s not normal level of interest and he is being thoughtless

I’m a woman and loove love football, and yes I’ll be the one on holiday finding a pub to watch my team if they’re on tv. They’re on about 20 times a season. My boyfriend hates football and it always astounds people that it’s that way around. I’m not that obsessed that I watch other teams and other games - but it does mount up - 3 Sunday’s in September are already allocated football days and I can’t wait. Not so great for him. Could you ask your partner to compromise and either give you lots of warning (I know a month in advance when my premier league team are on tv as it’s announced online) or prioritise the ones he does watch?

Football is life for a lot of people and a source of happiness. It’s also the most stressful hobby I have!

I hope you find a way around this :-)

Spirallingdownwards · 13/08/2025 21:38

YABU

In our house it is the other way round

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