Straight but crushes on women

[swifty1987]

not sure what the point of this post is other than I would actually not discuss this in real life with anyone

I am happily married, sex life good, two children. Genuinely happy.

I have however noticed over the years that I have crushes on women. Women I know. They tend to be older than me but not always. Or maybe in a more senior position than me if not older. It’s odd. I wouldn’t ever act on it but I do wonder sometimes if this actually makes me bisexual

is this normal? Or just me? 😂

No it’s not normal for straight women imo. I’ve never had any crush or sexual feelings for a woman in my life and I’d consider that I was probably bi if I did because by definition heterosexual woman are not attracted to other women. You are most likely bisexual and that’s perfectly fine. A lot of women don’t discover that they are until somewhat later in life.

I think this comes down to whether you’re sexually attracted to these women. Do you imagine sexual scenarios with them? If not, you might just really admire them - perhaps their style, or confidence.

I definitely get crushes but they're just crushes - like I want to be near them or just gaze at them or be important to them. I never want to have sex with them.

For me theres a difference between fancying someone on a sexual level and the idea that you might like to live with them in relationship.

I think both Miley Cyrus and the much derided Naga Munchetty are fanciable. Then I worked out they are versions of something that I would want to be.

I think many women are bisexual but never give it deep enough thought to fully realise it. Heterosexual women dont get crushes on other women. Bi women do. If you've not let yourself give it enough thought then it may feel light enough to dismiss as 'just wanting to gaze at them' ot 'be close to them'

Things that fall within the bisexual category if you're a women and you like men:

Romantic only crushes on women without sexual thoughts

Sexual only feelings about women without romantic love

Crushes that are BOTH sexual and romantic

So it really doesn't make a difference which one it is, none are straight feelings.

Bisexual doesn't mean having the exact SAME types of feelings for men as for women.

Plenty of bisexuals feel more romantically attracted to one sex, and more sexually attracted to the other.

You don't have to want SEX for a romantic crush to still be a romantic crush, and form part of your sexuality.

Either type of attraction count. And straight women feel neither.

Yeah they're different

They're both types of attraction and form parts of a person's sexuality

It’s a weird one because I don’t look at celebrity women and think I fancy them. It’s almost always someone I know. But yet I fancy male celebrities. Very confusing

It's not once you let go of the idea that bisexuals always fancy men the same way that they fancy women

The type of attractions, and ultimately relationships if you go down that route, that you have with one can be absolutely nothing like the way you feel about, and with, the other. And that can just add to the appeal TBH.

Attraction is attraction, whether it's romantic, sexual, or both.

Some people even take very different roles when they do sleep with both: may be submissive with one sex and dominant with the other.

Of course some bisexuals feel no different with men Vs women, but others will relish contrasting dynamics

People just being people to me is edging closer to pansexuality... Although some people who feel the same types of attraction to/with M and F prefer to stick to bi, especially if they don't feel attracted to other gender identities

I think crushes are not uncommon, sometimes they can be fairly outside of what you would ever want to actually act upon in real life. Sometimes it can be more about admiration, or about the sexual frisson of boundary pushing, or something else.

Are they "straight" feelings? I'm not sure many people could put all the sexual, romantic, and loving feelings, and feelings of connection, they get, into simple boxes 100% of the time.

I don't think it's that worth bothering about keeping those boxes as neat as all that. If you are really only interested in having sexual relationships and connection with men, I'd probably describe you as straight. But I suppose the question is, why do you care to define it? Will it change anything about what you do if you define yourself differently?

Mmm. See I think “who you want to have sex with” is a very male way of deciding hetro/homosexual.

For me having sex with a woman is part of my hot fantasy collection. In fact I have had sex with a couple but it was always about the sex. To me it has actually always just felt like sex with a man. No better or worse or different really.

I have literally had love at first sight and a couple of times just known the man and I had a connection. I’ve not ever had that with a woman.

I would absolutely not agree that action makes or breaks sexuality

I would agree that things don't need to be labelled... But also people not looking to sort how they are feeling into some sort of articulation or box, prob wouldn't start threads about them.

Does it matter?

I've been married to a man for over 30 years. I've had sexual experiences with women. I fell asleep this afternoon and had a sexual dream about a woman. I go through phases of fantasising about women - not for a while but may resurrect them now that I have been reminded

I think I'm straight. Possibly I'm not - but does it matter really?

I am fully entitled I think to an internal life that is my own business.

I have crushes on some actresses but I consider myself straight. I find them attractive and watch films with them in but the idea of having sex with them doesn't interest me.

No it doesn't matter if it doesn't matter to you.

But it does matter enough to the OP to start a post about it.

I have only been in hetero relationships but I definitely feel I am not 100% straight as I have had at least 3 occasions of having a definite crush on women. If you are getting crushes on women I would say by definition you're not quite straight!

I can’t pass comment other than to share my own experience - I consider myself straight and have never had any form of crush on another woman (and it’s not some kind of repression, I wouldn’t be bothered if I did).

Nothing - neither sexual nor wanting to be around them / gaze at them as per a PP.

I'll be honest: there's a growing trend of straight women "admitting" this.

I think the reason why is that it's not only socially acceptable for women to say they think they may fancy a woman, it's also fashionable at the moment to not be straight (I'm sorry, but it is )

It's also always been a "male fantasy" so it makes it more alluring to admit to. Women can play with the idea if you like.

Do you actually fancy them ? Want to touch them Intimately? Can you imagine staring into their eyes and being in love with them ? Can you imagine walking down the street hand in hand and feeling all warm and fuzzy? Being sexually satisfied by a vulva ? (When previously used to straight sex that involves a penis)

Everyone has "fleeting" fantasies, some people's are wilder than others and often change over time.

But labelling yourself bisexual ? I mean do you need to ? Do you plan on embarking on a same sex relationship?

I consider myself to be straight and I’m married to a man, but I also have crushes on women (celebrities, and women I know). However, the thought of oral with a woman is off putting to me and is what made me decide I’m probably straight. But perhaps not? I’m not sure now, after reading this thread.

Nope, that sounds like you're bisexual. Heterosexual, or straight only ever means you fancy people of the opposite sex. Have never had the tiniest crush on a woman, the thought of kissing a woman is very off putting, as for doing anything else - ick, no thanks. And no, that's not in any way (insert weird accusation by mumsnetter determined to play hunt the phobia). I give zero craps about whether anyone is gay, bi or straight or what they do or dont do in the bedroom - I just like people to remember that words mean things.

I also think deep admiration can be confused with "a crush/fancying".

I used to watch this female surgeon walk down the corridors. She was over 6ft tall and carried herself like the most powerful confident woman on earth. She wore red patent heels that clicked loudly when she walked by. I used to have tummy flutters when I saw her. But it wasn't fancying her , but my god I admired her and was in awe of her. I was mesmerized by her. But I think it was a total admiration for her utter confidence in a mans world and the cheeky irony of the red patent heels. I'm sure some women if they felt that would be describing it as a "crush".

Oh don't let the modern new thinkers make you start questioning.

If the idea of giving a woman oral sex makes you boak : you're straight.

I do get this. Some women are just beautiful/stunning/mesmerising - thinking of Blake Lively when she first steps out of the car in that movie A Simple Favour, I could not take my eyes off her.

The bottom line is, do you want to kiss romantically or get sexual with her, and if the answer is no, it's not a crush, it's just a natural "wow" response to seeing someone beautiful/mesmerising.

I agree