To be angry at DH for putting cricket first?

[lookma1]

Hi,

Just a DH rant..
I’ve been unwell all day, thankfully a quiet day so I’ve been able to sit fairly undisturbed in the office without needing to let anyone down or go off sick although have got progressively worse all day and probably should have gone home. DH has known all day that I’ve been ill.

FIL has been at our house watching the children today so it was probably better I was at work anyway as children don’t leave me alone! DH has been working from home.

DH plays cricket very occasionally. He’d like it to be more but he never gets picked for the team. He was asked to play tonight after someone dropped out so they had to ask him. DH hasn’t asked me all day how I am and whether I’d be well enough to have the children and put them to bed tonight whilst he’s out for however long it takes. We have 2 DC (5 and 2). 5 year old is extremely difficult at the moment behaviour wise.

I was in for all of 5 minutes before he announced he was leaving. I suggested it was a bit selfish to put cricket before me and parenting to support me. He refused to stay at home to help with the children as cricket is something I know he likes, he doesn’t get to do it much and he feels as if I’m trying to take it away from him.

He rushed out of the house and his only offering was that he’d ring his dad to come back and put them to bed instead - his dad is 60, obviously had them all day and has had recent knee and hand operations so I said absolutely not. He also said if I was a single parent I’d have no choice but to just get on with things. He then started saying it would be a shame if he was to be poorly the day of an upcoming huge work course I’ve got on in a few months time which is both very important and a huge deal for my work that I’ve been picked to attend.

This isn’t the first time he’s been like this, he’s regularly put things he wants to do above needing to make a choice to put family first. In one occasion he had a day out drinking with friends planned. I was pregnant with our 2 year old and I came down with awful pelvic pain making it hard to walk. He had a big strop that I was ruining it, then went anyway rather than stay at home to help me with our toddler at the time.

AIBU to be really annoyed at him for this?

He does sound like a dick, but you could have communicated way better. You went to work, so from his perspective you weren't that unwell. Then you said he didn't ask how you were, but you also could have messaged him, letting him know you were feeling a lot worse and that you didn't think you were up to doing bedtime alone. Then you said he was leaving within 5 minutes of you arriving, so that's not really giving him much time to read the situation and it's also not giving him any time to communicate to the team that he won't actually be coming after all.

Is he even playing cricket if he's not on the scorecard? Play Cricket doesn't lie, hope he gets a first baller as he sounds like he's shit anyway.

I agree with everyone else, his attitude is the problem not the fact he wants a hobby. I hope you can get some perspective and see you are worth much more.

When someone tells you who they are, believe them.

And make sure you've got backup childcare ready for that course. Don't mention it, but have it ready.

My ex would totally have sabotaged me.

He's a complete low life.
Threatening your future course is absolutely coercive control.

He's a cheat too. Whatever.
Shit husband, shit father.

Do what you can to survive but this isva bad man.

Start planning an exit for your future.
In the meantime, do nothing for him.

Op was poorly

I think your title is very misleading.
As YABU in terms of the first 4 paragraphs of your OP. As you say "DH plays cricket very occasionally" so if he gets the chance I'd encourage him to take it.

However the stuff you posted after that, almost as an aside, would get a very different answer from me. You are focussing on completely the wrong thing here. He is BVU with what he has said and his attitude, but not for accepting the call up to the match.

YANBU. He sounds like something which rhymes with banker…

I see the MN man-haters are out in force.

Basically you turned down his offer to have his father come round and help at bedtime as a compromise, despite knowing how much cricket means to him, and how he rarely gets a chance to play.

And all the MN man-haters are trying to convince you it’s better to be a full-ti e single mum, when you can’t even handle an hour or two of being one. Idiots.

I hear all the calls to LTB, I did just that with my unfair and abusive exH. But I was, from that day forward, a single parent. Men that don’t make their families a priority when they’re part of it, won’t make their children a priority when they’re not.

That bloody bastard! Well that would be it for me. I'd be off. Twat.

I honestly believe that in these situations if the spouse is a genuinely decent present parent/partner then they are the ones mostly likely to push through and tell their partners to go out.
Those partners who, once you scratch the surface, are shit, selfish and dont pull their weight - that’s when you get mad when they make yet another selfish choice especially when you are ill
If he was a decent bloke the rest of the time I think both your responses may have been very different.

Hey op another selfish dh. his tone sounded like a threat tbh he’s just another bloke who wants his freedom and the kids and wife aren’t important enough for him. Cricket over a sick wife. I hope next time he’s ill you leave the kids at home and go out for something really nice to chill. Maybe he would appreciate you more what a cunt. Honestly the more I read on mn just so many men think that their social life is more important than family.

He stuck his tongue down someone else’s throat so should she fuck care if he gets to play cricket. He’s an arsehole. I hope he suffers the pain from being on incurable twat.

And my gorgeous and wonderful DH, sometimes I wander over and give him a grateful kiss and he says, “some bloke being a wanker on MN?” And I say “yes”. Man hater I am not. Awful arsehole hater, yes, yes I am. My theory is that the most ‘man hating’ women on MN actually love and respect the men in their lives. We know how wonderful men can be. So we are much less likely to think entry level twattery is allowable.

I'd do 2 things.

Insist on counselling

Start figuring out how my life as a single parent would look and getting together a village of support as a back up plan.

Sorry OP. THe only vaguely redeeming feature is that he clearly knows he has done the wrong thing because of the chocs but that doesn't prevent this happening again. And that's what you need.

@lookma1 I used to have a husband like this. I divorced him.

If the OP can't handle one night as a single parent she's hardy going to thrive as a full time one!

She’d manage just fine! Single parenthood is a mindset, you know your support limitations and you get on with it. The op is not crazy in thinking that her partner would support her and their children if needed. He decided to threaten her if he didn’t get his own way.

The sooner realise that this poor excuse for a man will always prioritise himself, the sooner you’ll realise, your worth more.

“If you were single” :/

that and all is actions show you he isn’t involved. It is best for men to get married and have children. For women it is also IF they have a proper partner.

No love here. You have the privilege to bear and raise his children.

Sorry, is he definitely at cricket? Why would his name not be shown?