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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU- screens/kids . Feel like giving up

70 replies

Biggadyboom · 10/08/2025 21:03

I try so bloody hard to explain that we have limits/boundaries for their sake of their health.

Our rules - They have two hours a day, sometimes more if we’re having a family movie night or on Friday or Saturday nights. They are 13 and 15

and they are constantly asking for more. Constantly sneaking more. Constantly looking at their phones, turning on the telly.

i feel like i do nothing but police their addictions. They are so foul to me because of it .

aibu for just giving up? But then I can’t do that can I? They have developing brains and bodies, I can’t surrender them to screen addiction

just want to fucking throw all the screens away, feel like they are ruling/ruining our lives.

OP posts:
hooverthefloor · 10/08/2025 21:49

Content limits are more appropriate than time limits.

greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/does_your_child_have_an_unhealthy_relationship_with_technology

ToKittyornottoKitty · 10/08/2025 21:52

They are a huge deal because you are making them such a massive prize, 2 hours is nothing at that age, especially if it includes tv. Limit certain content on the internet or whatever but you are just making the situation worse by trying to control people so tightly who will be adults in a few years.

TheLongRider · 10/08/2025 21:55

Put parental controls on the screens via an app. It means that there are warnings before the the screen locks. You don't have to do anything else. "Oh dear, the tablet has stopped that's because the two hours are up." Take back control. All tablets/iPhones etc have the option to install time limits. You can also control access to content and apps.

TheLongRider · 10/08/2025 21:56

You can offer the chance to earn more time in exchange for chores etc. Yes they're 13 and 25 but if they are having tantrums then they are not mature enough for the extra responsibility.

Runningismyhappyplace50 · 10/08/2025 21:58

At their age and the summer holidays YABU.

Autumn38 · 10/08/2025 21:59

TheLongRider · 10/08/2025 21:55

Put parental controls on the screens via an app. It means that there are warnings before the the screen locks. You don't have to do anything else. "Oh dear, the tablet has stopped that's because the two hours are up." Take back control. All tablets/iPhones etc have the option to install time limits. You can also control access to content and apps.

Also depersonalise it. It’s not mum taking the screen away. You can even sympathise ‘oh dear is that it?? Frustrating if you were in the middle of something but nothing i can do…’

then distract with something else.

Ddakji · 10/08/2025 22:01

2 hours a day for all screens? So TV, phone, gaming? That seems extremely low especially in the holidays. A Harry Potter film is longer than that!

bridgetreilly · 10/08/2025 22:01

Watching TV/films in the main family room is really different from endlessly playing games or scrolling social media. I would lighten up a bit, especially during school holidays. WiFi off from, say 10pm until midday. Phones all left downstairs overnight. But 2 hours a day is really not a lot. I would struggle with that!

NameChanger401 · 10/08/2025 22:03

How much screen time do you have personally?

Littlecaf · 10/08/2025 22:04

I think it’s about balance. I’m not really concerned about the amount of time mine have, more the content and that they learn good habits. Good habits being:

looking at your phone when in others company is rude. Put it away.
do not take the iPad or switch etc to a friends house.
play outside everyday
if you’re at an event or restaurant etc do not start looking at a screen.
no screens before bed.

VeryStressedMum · 10/08/2025 22:05

Autumn38 · 10/08/2025 21:59

Also depersonalise it. It’s not mum taking the screen away. You can even sympathise ‘oh dear is that it?? Frustrating if you were in the middle of something but nothing i can do…’

then distract with something else.

Show quote history

Distract them with something else? They are 13 and 15 - not 3 and 5.

At their ages sorry I think you’re being ridiculous. By all means restrict and monitor their phones but 2 hours a day for a 15 year old you have to expect some moaning about it.

What do you expect them to do instead or what do they do?

FusionChefGeoff · 10/08/2025 22:09

I’m very conservative with screens / phones compared to most of our parent friends; but even I don’t really count TV time as screen time. It’s so much less harmful than the smaller screens.

LoremIpsumCici · 10/08/2025 22:10

Autumn38 · 10/08/2025 21:59

Also depersonalise it. It’s not mum taking the screen away. You can even sympathise ‘oh dear is that it?? Frustrating if you were in the middle of something but nothing i can do…’

then distract with something else.

Show quote history

That would work on a 3 year old, possibly a 5 year old who is a bit dim, but it’s not in a million years going to work on a 13 and 15 year old.

LoremIpsumCici · 10/08/2025 22:12

Like other posters, I think your screen limit of 2hrs are way way too low considering it is a blanket limit and doesn’t matter what sort of screen or the content.

The 15 year old can’t even work on their GCSE summer work under those limits.

Picklechicken · 10/08/2025 22:12

Ddakji · 10/08/2025 22:01

2 hours a day for all screens? So TV, phone, gaming? That seems extremely low especially in the holidays. A Harry Potter film is longer than that!

I agree. For teens that’s ridiculously low and you will be limiting their social interactions which isn’t necessarily a good thing. By all means be vigilant about what they’re doing online but I think the horse has already bolted by the time they’re teens. My Ds is 13 and we don’t really have any limits except that when he goes to bed at 10.30 / 11 he has to leave his iPhone and iPad plugged in charging downstairs. Dd is 22 and we had the same rule for her until she was about 16-17.

Picklechicken · 10/08/2025 22:13

Autumn38 · 10/08/2025 21:59

Also depersonalise it. It’s not mum taking the screen away. You can even sympathise ‘oh dear is that it?? Frustrating if you were in the middle of something but nothing i can do…’

then distract with something else.

Show quote history

We’re talking teens, not toddlers…!

watchuswreckthemic · 10/08/2025 22:14

Do you follow the rules yourselves? Not a criticism it’s a genuine question.

PenelopeSkye · 10/08/2025 22:18

OP says her children are foul to her because of screens. Screens are addictive and known to cause mood changes, so I can well believe this. I find it depressing that most people think 2 hours a day on screens is being too lenient! What about all the other fun stuff in the real world they could be doing instead?! OP my kids are younger, but we often have a week or so screen free to remind them there are actually loads of things you can fill your time with that don’t involve screens- they grumble to start with but always find things to do, and their behaviour is always loads better for it. I hate how normalised it has become to spend half the day glued to a screen- to the point the OP feels she’s the one who’s weird here for trying to encourage limits for her children!

babyproblems · 10/08/2025 22:18

I’d be chucking the devices in the bin if they continue to be so rude. Keep at it op. Currently away with an 8yo who has a screen limit of three hrs a day. Yes THREE. I find it insane. I can see him gaming and it literally changes how he is.

NuffSaidSam · 10/08/2025 22:19

I think two hours is very restrictive at that age.

I think you'd be better off taking a 'what you do want them to do' approach rather than what you don't want.

For example, they each need to:

Get up at a reasonable time
Do their chores
Leave the house for some form of exercise
See friends/do a social activity
Join for a family (screen-free) dinner
Hand over all screens at 11pm

Outside of that I'd let them have as much screen time as they want. You can create healthy balance with positive limits (you SHOULD do this) rather than negative limits (you CAN'T do that).

Britneyfan · 10/08/2025 22:22

I also think 2 hours is very low for this age especially during summer holidays and if it is to include TV. Honestly I really admire you for trying but I’m not surprised you’re finding it an uphill battle!

I also think if you are going to impose such strict limits on screen time, it will help if there are adequately enticing alternatives on offer such as spending time at a theatre summer school etc. if that’s what they’re into, taking them to theme parks etc etc.

Like others, I have decided to pick my battles and consider screen content and what else my teen is doing (is homework
still getting done, does he see friends, exercise, get outdoors, explore other interests or attend clubs etc) more than how many hours of screen time he is getting, especially when it comes to TV rather than doom scrolling etc.

AliTheMinx · 10/08/2025 22:24

Agree with others that that seems like a very low screen time for children of that age. No excuse for their rudeness though...

VeryStressedMum · 10/08/2025 22:25

babyproblems · 10/08/2025 22:18

I’d be chucking the devices in the bin if they continue to be so rude. Keep at it op. Currently away with an 8yo who has a screen limit of three hrs a day. Yes THREE. I find it insane. I can see him gaming and it literally changes how he is.

Are you still going to limit it to 3 hours when he’s 15? Or drop it down to 2?
You have an 8 year old, it’s not the same as having a 15 year old or 13 year old. parents have to adapt when their children grow up and that includes tv and phones.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 10/08/2025 22:25

I don't police the screen time of my two the same age. There are content restrictions, yes. I do police the screen time of my 7 year old obviously!

As long as my older ones do lots of other stuff as well, what they choose to do with their downtime is up to them really. They're both busy and active, so fine by me.

VeryStressedMum · 10/08/2025 22:32

PenelopeSkye · 10/08/2025 22:18

OP says her children are foul to her because of screens. Screens are addictive and known to cause mood changes, so I can well believe this. I find it depressing that most people think 2 hours a day on screens is being too lenient! What about all the other fun stuff in the real world they could be doing instead?! OP my kids are younger, but we often have a week or so screen free to remind them there are actually loads of things you can fill your time with that don’t involve screens- they grumble to start with but always find things to do, and their behaviour is always loads better for it. I hate how normalised it has become to spend half the day glued to a screen- to the point the OP feels she’s the one who’s weird here for trying to encourage limits for her children!

Your children are younger. You will have to adapt to their needs and wants when they become older teenagers. Parents have to change when their children do. Op said the children are rude because she polices their screens, I’m not saying it’s right but it’s also not surprising because she’s set a limit which people set for 4 year olds not 15 year olds. You might hate screens but they are a part of life now. Monitor their activity by all means to keep them safe and give them other activities and experiences but orheriwse they should be allowed to watch tv or contact their friends.