DS moving up to secondary school in Sept.
Had a very 'messy divorce' from exH who was financially and emotionally abusive, pos-separation he painted me as an unfit parent and wanted DC full-time (multiple reports to social services and police) however they ended up living with me and spending time with him. Prior to split he was not involved in DC life at all, he left it all to me whilst he spent most of the time in the pub.
ExH paid no maintenence at all for first 9 months after we split, I had to go through CMS. He pays way less than the calculators on MSE etc. suggested he would; I think he must have maxed out pension contributions and bought bikes etc the salary sacrifice schemes. He also works as a delivery driver and does cash in hand work; these are not included in his maintenence contributions.
As DS is going up to secondary school he has to have a really expensive uniform; it costs around £200. There was also a 'summer school' he attended that was £150. I asked for financial help for the summer school but they said all they could offer was allowing me to pay in childcare vouchers - which stopped in around 2019 I believe!! I had vouchers in my old job but could not get them in my new one. The summer school flyer said that they would offer financial assistance if required but they point-blank refused to offer anything but allowing me to pay with childcare vouchers and threatened to not let DS attend as it was not an essential school trip. Had to borrow money off a relative so he could attend as he's nervous about starting and the summer school was a good way to make new friends etc.
DS will be eligible for FSM next year as I claim UC (as well as working full-time). If you get FSM you can get an £80 voucher to go towards your school uniform however at present he is not eligible as earn over the FSM threshold despite claiming UC.
I asked exH if he would consider giving me some money towards the school uniform as it's expensive and I'd already had to pay for summer school (in desperation as he scares me and uses things like this against me.. I try to keep communication to a minimum).
I got a furious reply from exH beginning with "I pay you maintenence" and ending with "it is highly inappropriate for you to even be ASKING me this". I know he will be enjoying the fact that I am struggling as he is a sadistic bully, even though it's his kids who lose out. I pay for all extracurricular activities and provide the musical instruments, football boots, etc. even though he takes them sometimes. I pay for all the school uniform so far in primary including school bags, lunch boxes etc. Money is generally extremely tight as amongst other things exH is refusing to sell the house (it is going to court) and the mortgage has doubled in the time we split up.
You have to be school dinners as the secondary doesn't allow packed lunches - these are £3.50 a day. Ex refusing to pay for this although DC go to his on Sunday which is a "school night".
Have now found out we are expected to provide a laptop / desktop on top of everything else. I have no idea how I can fund this.
Are there any charities I could apply to for a grant?
And is exH BU for not helping out a bit extra this month due to all the extraordinary costs? Or maybe the school is BU? Or both?!
I am so stressed at the moment; I don't want to be "that parent" but the school are already treating me like a nuisance for asking for financial assistance that isn't childcare vouchers. One of the secretaries i spoke to told me I had been wasting "valuable admin time" by being passed around various departments when I was trying to figure out if I could get a concession for the summer school.