Partner on holiday without me

[DancesLikeAFairy]

Thanks for reading this long post.
I'm an overthinker, as I have combined ADHD with acute symptoms. My partner and I have a close, loving relationship and have been together almost six years. We're definitely each other's love of our lives. We've not had a holiday together, due to debts from when his his business ceased trading during covid, me unable to hold a job for long (ADHD), as well as me having severe osteoarthritis and waiting to have knees and hipsreplaced, as well as degenerative disc and spine disease. Just added that so it's clear I'm in pain.

I struggle with being stuck home alone and chronic loneliness. We've had many weekends away but not a week or overseas. A few months ago, my partner received a payout and said that he's taking his children away. M 20, F17. He added his parents, then his kids' gf, bf. He said that he'd ask kids if okay for me to go too, as it's a family holiday. I said if he has to ask, then I'm not going! In nutshell, many reasons why others can't go. So he and daughter now on holiday in Cyprus. He calls few times a day. He's told me that I need to choose holiday for 2 of us. Won't be this year cos of weather, affordability, taking leave. Idk how to feel.
Am I being a spoiled brat thinking holiday should be us?
Should I be happy to wait 8 months for our holiday?
I'd hate their holiday- all inc, sat by pool anyway! Please be kind as I'm ultra sensitive. I'm grateful for your comments.

I actually feel sorry for the guy. I honestly don't understand what hes done wrong and why you are complaining. He sounds lovely. Hes trying to accommodate both you and his children, who have different tastes in holidays. You are going to end up pushing him away with your spoilt and needy behaviour.

Yeah, this has Rejection Sensitivity written all over it.

You don't want to go on this actual holiday, you just want to be asked and maybe have been the priority, given 6 years. That's very valid. So you might have a point but it's magnified by the ADHD.

I would suggest you get on top of the ADHD (meds, mgt, sulk, whatever it takes) if you need to hold a job down and realise when the demon of RS is stalking you, as it will be easier all around.

If you don’t have any money, how would you have paid for the holiday anyway?

I agree you’re being over sensitive op.

So you said no to going and you hate that type of holiday? He is being sensitive to his children. I don’t know what he has done wrong to be honest.

@DancesLikeAFairy you paint yourself as far too disabled to do the sort of holiday you day that you want. Are you on meds for ADHD? Have to say you sound manipulative and annoying in this encounter. An adult should be able to be at home and entertain themselves without relying on their partner.

OK, I'm going to put this as diplomatically as possible but, given your raft of disabilities, I imagine your partner and his daughter would feel somewhat inhibited if you were there. They also want an all inclusive flop by the pool holiday, which you wouldn't enjoy anyway. Although I would've thought that would be quite suitable with your various problems. He sounds like a caring sort of guy and seems to be doing his best for you generally, especially as you can't hold down a job. So basically, cut him some slack and let him have a nice holiday with his daughter on this occasion.

Are you living together? So he supports you day to day as you’re not working and would have to pay for every bit of a holiday for both of you? Why does he go away to see his kids at weekends, why don’t they stay at his house? How well do you know them?

It all sounds quite odd. If you can cope without him Monday-Friday how’s it different if he’s abroad if he continues to call regularly?

It’s hard to get a sense of what this relationship is really like.

Is he your carer OP?
Perhaps he considered the fact his kids might want a bit of proper time with their dad without him having caring responsibilities (sorry I don’t mean that to sound harsh at all!).
How long ago were you diagnosed with ADHD and what support are you currently receiving?

I don't see how he's done anything wrong. You don't like the type of holiday they chose, and have no money to pay for anything if you did go.

You only see your boyfriend four days a month, why not build a rich life with hobbies and friendships? There are various apps and FB groups, book clubs, women's only meetups etc.

So he works away all week and you only see him twice a month for four days and he sees his kids the other weekends. You missed that out on your original post and it was the key detail of your relationship!
You and his kids are in separate compartments in his life as you are in a long distance relationship, no wonder he stressed it was a family holiday.
You are upset because he put his family first and is spending quality time with them on a holiday you would’ve hated because he isn’t available to be in a relationship that you need. You need someone you can see more regularly than this man, you are living for his phone calls and counting down the days till you see him. You think it staves off the loneliness but you are living a half life and feel resentful that you don’t mean as much to him as he is to you.

No, i don't have a carer. I've had intermittent severe pain since I was 20. Eighteen years ago, I spent several weeks in hospital after five discs prolapsed and on crutches for six months. According to osteo consultant, I've had arthritis for at least ten years, but I'd put it down to my back. I've been immobile this year. I'll be back to full mobility after knee and hip prosthetics.

So you’ve been immobile all year but wanted your DH to take you on an independent holiday involving car hire and driving around to different places/activities because a relaxing pool/beach holiday is boring for you?

Im sorry to hear about that but its nothing to do with what your saying.
His kids come first end of.
I cant see what he has done so wrong.
As i said above i hope him and his kids have a fantastic time.

So how were you going to get around on a holiday where you wanted to be out and about and not relaxing by a pool? Would he have to drive you everywhere and help you around?

I didn't say he'd done wrong.
He's with one child.
I'm hardly paraplegic. Where have I said that I need help to get around?
I believe you meaned to type 'you're' as an abbreviation of 'you are.'

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but it doesn't really make sense. The type of holiday you say you want isn't compatible with you being immobile? Whilst relaxing by a pool, with food and drinks to hand, might not normally be your top choice, it sounds like this is the only type of holiday you could manage, given your disabilities and acute pain levels.

Also, you say you can't afford anything. I do genuinely sympathise with that, but how could you pay for any type of holiday?
Presumably your DP is paying, in which case an All Inclusive works better as there's minimal outlay once you get there.

I hope your DP has a lovely holiday with his daughter.
If I'm being honest, he must be bent double trying to juggle everyone else's needs and costs at the moment.

I hope your life gets better soon.

Now that's uncalled for.

And presumably you meant to type "meant" rather than "meaned".

I'm currently representing myself in a difficult court case, which will hopefully result in me being awarded over £200,000. We plan to set up in business together, and definitely have a holiday!

I'm currently representing myself in a difficult court case, which will hopefully result in me being awarded over £200,000. We plan to set up in business together, and definitely have a holiday!

JockTamsonsBairns

I am very sorry! That message was not for you. I put a ❤️ on your message. My response was to a vile post on here. Your post was kind and appropriate.😊🤗🤭

How is that relevant to the post?

I think your DP should consider LTB

You can't rely on a potential payout. How were you planning to pay for this holiday?