To have cried when my husband shaved his beard? (Semi-lighthearted)

[NameChangeNamaste]

TL:DR - My husband has had a beard as long as I’ve known him. He knows I prefer it and when he messed up trimming, decided to shave it all off. He was mad/hurt that I cried over this.
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A couple of days ago, my husband was trimming his beard and apparently took a little chunk out. He cut it down and jokingly left a goatee to show me before saying he’d “fix it.”

About 20 minutes later, I’m in the kitchen cooking/distracted when he comes in announcing “I think I’ve made a mistake!”- to my horror he’s shaved his whole beard off and left a mustache. I was taken aback, couldn’t quite look at him and was trapped at the stove whilst he repeatedly asked what I thought. This resulted in me shutting down and crying:/

He walked away, came back and though I had calmed down he was clearly in a mood. Then he proceeded to have a real go at me about crying and how he was mad a me for my reaction and very hurt (I think this is the important bit). Said it’s his face, he can do what he likes and he’d never tell me what to do or react so badly. I tried to explain it was mostly due to shock (and I loved that beard!!) but that was me trying to justify and not just apologize. Our 6 month old was also not impressed lol

We left it for a bit, he then hugged me and apologized, I apologized again unreservedly and all fine now. Think he’s feeling a bit sheepish for letting the intrusive thoughts win and isn’t a big fan of seeing his chin after 15 years hah. Cue jokes at brunch the next day about casting him in Super Troopers.

Was I a heartless harpy? Or is my STRONG preference for his facial hair and the shock a valid reason for crying??

This was me and the girls once 😂
we were all shocked and were like ‘how dare you without our permission’ 😂
it was all fine of course but he always puts it to a family vote now lol
I do understand the shock lol

Oh and yes we all cried. But we’re crying and laughing at the same time lol.

Yeah I think you were unreasonable. If he said he thinks he's made a mistake and then was asking you what you thought, sounds like he was seeking reassurance? if I'd got a haircut I was worried about, I'd want my husband to say it's fine, not cry over it. I love my husbands beard too, but I love him and I wouldn't be upset over it if he shaved.

When I was a dc & my dad shaved off his moustache (in the 80s) I cried and avoided him for days.

My ex husband had always had a beard and moustache. One day he took the beard off and I'd never realised what a weak chin he had. It really didn't suit him.

Then another time he slipped with the shaving and the moustache went. Oh my, his top lip was nowhere to be seen. The tash WAS his top lip. He looked comical 😆

I couldn't wait for it to grow back

You were really rude imo - effectively you were saying "I don't like seeing your naked face". Can't you see why he was offended?

When I was a toddler I had a childminder whose husband had a beard and moustache. One day he answered the door fully shaved and I bawled my eyes out and refused to go to him as I thought he was a total stranger 🤣

My DH has a beard which I love so I can sympathise that it’s a shock to see it gone (luckily only one ‘Movember’ in the decade we’ve been together). Crying was probably a tad dramatic but I’m pretty sure I’d want to cry if DH turned up with a moustache, they turn me sick 😂

Op isn't a toddler though haha

I sympathise - my late husband always had a moustache, and I loved it - if he had shaved it off I would have been upset - nothing to do with not liking his face, I just loved the way he looked with it.

I last shaved my beard (and moustache) off about 25 years ago. Met up with DW in a restaurant that evening with friends. She walked in, took one look at me and said
'Oh my God. You're not the man I married. Grow it back immediately.'
I did - never been beardless since. 🤣

Well, I have to say YABU as it is HIS face, after all. However, I do sympathise as I knew someone who was a good-looking chap with a full beard, but when he shaved it off, had a weird shaped lumpy-looking face - he looked terrible and if I'd been his partner I'd have been heartbroken.

I would have cried tears of joy as I hate beards! But if it was reversed, if my DH suddenly grew a beard (even though he knows I don’t like them) I would be upset, while acknowledging that he has the right to do whatever he wants with his face.

to my horror
😆😆

I might cry because of the shock and him looking really, really different. My partner would definitely think I was crying because I had to look at more of his face 😆

Mine shaved his admittedly non bushy beard off and looked really weird. Funnily though i didn't really notice until he said does anything look different 😃
even funnier he went to work and no one said anything until someone said, you look a bit pale are you ok, someone else twigged and said ah hes shaved his beard off ! And the admin worker said, did he have a beard?

It's not rude to cry.

It's an involuntary reaction. You can't control it.

It's rude to not politely contextualise your crying with an apology.

I mean imagine you removed your make-up and he broke down crying. How would you feel?

I cried when late DH (then BF) had a trimming accident and shaved his off.
He was beardless when we met, but he was gorgeous with this beard. Sadly, it never grew back the same for some reason (medication we think).
over the next 25+ years he switched between beardless and bearded many times, but I always missed the beard he shaved off. I only have one photograph of him like that for some reason.

Both my dad and husband have beards. A couple of times they've cut one section shorter accidently but have just then cut everything shorter for that trim rather than shave everything off!
A lack of beard is a big change - similar to going from long hair to really short.

My DH shaved his off a few years ago and I was completely shocked 😳, as were the kids and dog! I had never seen him without a beard before and definitely didn't like it😁. Great thing about beards is that they soon grow back.😅

YABU. It's his face and you should respect his right to do whatever he likes with his beard.

I can't stand beards personally, and I hated it when DH grew one for a while, but while he was aware of my preferences, I wouldn't have dreamt of making a fuss about it, any more than I would tolerate him making a fuss if I decided to cut my hair in a way that he didn't like.

I get that it might have been a shock to suddenly see him without the beard, but crying was a massive overreaction imo. And I say that as someone who cries very easily!

Poor bloke. A bit of jovial banter about him looking unfamiliar without his beard would be fine, but bursting into tears about it was a completely ridiculous overreaction and I don’t blame him at all for being angry.

Can you imagine the reaction on MN if the roles were reversed? If a woman who had always had long hair came home one day with a pixie cut and her husband went mad about it? ‘Abusive’ ‘LTB’ etc etc. 🙄

My DH has had a moustache for the entire 35 years I've known him. He shaved it off once, never again! He just looked so odd without one! I wouldn't have gone to the extremes of crying over it, but neither of us liked it at all!

If you really couldn't hold your tears, why didn't you just turn the hob down or whatever and excuse yourself from the room? 😳