To think I CANT FUCKING TAKE IT ANYMORE

[BeJadeFatball]

I lost my partner a few years ago and I haven’t recovered. GP took away my therapy when I moved counties after I waited a year for help.

No one of his family will speak to me because they think it’s my fault and all his friends have been instructed by them to follow. The messages his Mum sends me and my family, friends -and even distant relations- (even after all this time) are unpleasant. Sad thing is that I’d be more than happy to be her friend even after all the flack just because the grief for him is lonely, and who better to understand?

It’s not getting better. I’m becoming more and more unhappy. I can’t fight anymore and no one else In my life can even conceive of the anguish. My mum compares it to her divorce and my dad says ‘he chose his path’. Not criticising them, they're trying to comfort me but no one has words.

He took my life that day too

not a troll or ai or a joke- sadly :(

I'm sorry you lost your partner. If people are sending you unpleasant messages and being unsupportive then block them. Cruse offer free bereavement counselling.

My heart goes out to you OP and I'm struggling to say anything that will make a difference.
As previous poster said, I think you may benefit from counselling.
The samaritans are very good and are available 24/7 on the phone.
Please ring them at any time

Was it suicide? Someone be in very dark place to do that. His mum is just looking for someone to blame. You've got to block her and tell yr family and friends to block her too. I don't what your relationship was like with yr partner, but his mum is being cruel and not allowing you to move on. She's taking her grief and anger out on you.
If you're not already maybe get some anti depressant? Help you to get through the thoughts/feelings your having.

Oh love.

You can call Samaritans on 116 123.

Or if you don't want to speak text SHOUT to 85258.

No personal experience but I've been told that https://uksobs.com/ (survivors of bereavement by suicide) are a helpful charity.

Or obvs keep posting here.

You probably need to block his family, at least for now. It wasn't your fault

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health Resources. You can also go to the Samaritans or email them on [email protected].
Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek additional RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.
We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

Coral

It’s simple really. Change your number, lock down social media.

Big old handhold coming your way OP, that’s incredibly tough. Well done for reaching out for support, do you have a new GP to contact?
Block the number OP, ignore the unhelpful comments. Sometimes people don’t know what to say so they say things that turn out to be really hurtful rather than saying nothing.
Go gently OP, look after yourself.

https://www.widowedandyoung.org.uk/ might be worth a look for people who understand what you are going through.
Keep going, better days will come, grief is natural

Oh no - it’s really not that simple to go it completely alone in life. It’s unnatural to not have anyone at all and it sounds like you’re going through a total shift of people OP. That’s really, really hard. But with time you’ll build new connections and find different meaning and joy in life. Change might be slow, but keep chipping away at prioritising your happiness in whatever way you can.

I'm so sorry you've been through all of this, OP. It sounds so hard.

In your shoes, I would try to get on to the therapy waiting list in the county you now live in. And in the mean time look for support groups, specifically for people whose partners have taken their lives.

I haven't been through what you've been through, but I did find antidepressants helped when I was grieving. A lot of people sniff at the concept, but when you find you have no more resources to fight and the unhappiness isn't ending, they can be a lifeline. It could be worth talking to your GP and getting a prescription for them while you wait for therapy.

It doesn't sound like his mum is going to be in the right frame of mind to relate to you and to what you've both been through any time soon, so I would give up on that idea and block her. It's such a shame that she is taking her grief out on you and has done so much harm to you at a time when you are also grieving.

Your parents are saying the wrong thing because they don't know what to say. They may even grasp the level of anguish you're experiencing but find it hard to talk about it in a sympathetic way, so they resort to trying to relate or simple platitudes, which, of course don't help at all. I think most people find it incredibly hard to talk about suicide.

Please reach out to your GP and any support groups you can find - local to you, and/or online. At this point you need some intervention in terms of your mental health, but also the ability to talk to people who understand what you're going through.

I'm sending my best wishes and hopes out to you that the pain will lessen and things will start to improve x

Feeling for you. Dh took his life and his brother blamed me. I dont think it’s uncommon. It was horrifically painful. Things are a lot better now, several years down the line, but I still don’t talk to my BIL.

Id agree with getting on the waiting list for therapy. Your GP should know you’re struggling.

Id recommend the booklet Help is at Hand that’s online. It’s quite down to earth and practical about surviving someone else’s suicide.

I am sorry for your loss.

Can you access any support through work?

So sorry to read about this situation 😞 would writing a letter to the mum or his closest friend help?