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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum is making comments about my weight every day

31 replies

Lunalara · 09/08/2025 11:29

I am struggling at the moment, because my mum keeps telling me off about my weight. For context, I used to be size 8, and now I am size 12. However, it was unhealthy to be size 8 as I am 5ft7. For some reason, she thinks that being size 8 is a normal weight.

Whenever I have a treat, even for events like Easter, my mum won’t stop going on about how I will definitely have diabetes. Recently, me and my boyfriend had a couple of slices of pizza many hours after we had lunch. We were hungry as we had a light lunch. That caused mum to be judgemental about my weight.

AIBU to be deeply upset by how often this is happening? While I know she has good will, the constant comments about weight are really weighing me down (no pun intended). I also live with her, so I can’t easily ignore the comments.

OP posts:
IHate · 09/08/2025 11:32

It’s very rude. Have you told her to stop?

Showmethefood · 09/08/2025 11:34

I empathise. I have family members who are utterly obsessed with weight (think very disordered thinking from most female family members.) As a result of my upbringing I trained to be an eating disorder practitioner. So, now when those comments arise I confront them and call them out. It’s not easy , but actually I have noticed a slight change in other family members thinking patterns around food, so I’m hoping that in some way I’m helping! It is hard though.

Thisismynewname23 · 09/08/2025 11:37

Mine is currently spamming me with links about mounjaro which I’ve told her i dont want to try, I’m a 12-14 used to be an 8-10 yes i want to be slimmer but I’ve had medication with chemo which made me gain but it is slowly coming off which i am trying to stick with, its really made me feel low her keep bringing it up to me

Rizzz · 09/08/2025 11:37

How old are you?

Seems like moving out is the only option.

I mean she’s not going to change is she?

Original poster
Lunalara · 09/08/2025 11:37

I have called her out many times, but I think she takes it personally. She is also quite a stubborn person in some areas. She wasn’t like this until about the time I reached adulthood. Maybe it’s being shut off from the world that’s doing this to her mental health? I really don’t know, I just want the weight comments to stop.

OP posts:
AliTheMinx · 09/08/2025 11:39

I'm so sorry, OP. My mum is also horribly mean to me about my weight and constantly makes spiteful comments, so I know how hurtful it is.

Original poster
Lunalara · 09/08/2025 11:39

I am 27, but in a minimum wage job. Thankfully that job isn’t around here, but I still come home for some periods of time. I have 2 more weeks of this until I go back. I just need to keep applying for other jobs so I can properly move out.

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 09/08/2025 11:39

She sounds awful. Have you challenged her on her despicable comments? You shouldn’t have to of course, she shouldn’t open her trap in the first place.

TidyDancer · 09/08/2025 11:40

Lunalara · 09/08/2025 11:37

I have called her out many times, but I think she takes it personally. She is also quite a stubborn person in some areas. She wasn’t like this until about the time I reached adulthood. Maybe it’s being shut off from the world that’s doing this to her mental health? I really don’t know, I just want the weight comments to stop.

I cross posted with this. Honestly let her take it personally. She’s a horrible person to keep doing this and doesn’t deserve compassion on it.

DiscoBob · 09/08/2025 11:41

You must tell her it's rude and hurtful. That it's what's inside that counts and being thin doesn't equal perfection and happiness.

If she doesn't get the message, you could ask how she'd feel if you constantly commented on her (insert minor personal appearance based flaw she is self conscious about).

It's ridiculous to claim someone has diabetes because they are a healthy weight.

I hope you can move out soon, that way she can't keep going on about it.

IHate · 09/08/2025 11:41

Lunalara · 09/08/2025 11:37

I have called her out many times, but I think she takes it personally. She is also quite a stubborn person in some areas. She wasn’t like this until about the time I reached adulthood. Maybe it’s being shut off from the world that’s doing this to her mental health? I really don’t know, I just want the weight comments to stop.

What has calling her out entailed? What have you said? And how has she responded?

JMSA · 09/08/2025 11:42

Pick on one of her insecurities and harp on about it. See how she likes it.

’Mum, you seem hyper focused on my weight. Don’t you think it’s time you joined a club and made a few friends?’ <head tilt>

Lobelia123 · 09/08/2025 11:46

Tell her to fuck right off!!!! I don’t care how sad, isolated or elderly someone is, they are being nasty interfering bullies when they attack personal appearances and judge someone else life. Or if that’s a step too far, put her on notice. Tell her you don’t like these comments and won’t tolerate them, and that the next time she lovs a comment like that at you, the visit will be over and you’ll get up and leave. Tell her it’s not open for discussion and if it happens again, stick to your plan and leave.

Lucytheloose · 09/08/2025 12:17

Lunalara · 09/08/2025 11:37

I have called her out many times, but I think she takes it personally. She is also quite a stubborn person in some areas. She wasn’t like this until about the time I reached adulthood. Maybe it’s being shut off from the world that’s doing this to her mental health? I really don’t know, I just want the weight comments to stop.

I have called her out many times, but I think she takes it personally.

Well, you take it personally when she makes remarks about her weight. As most people would. Why do her feelings need to be spared when yours are not?

Vivienne1000 · 09/08/2025 12:22

Lunalara · 09/08/2025 11:39

I am 27, but in a minimum wage job. Thankfully that job isn’t around here, but I still come home for some periods of time. I have 2 more weeks of this until I go back. I just need to keep applying for other jobs so I can properly move out.

Could your mum be fed up of you eating their food and she feels she is constantly restocking? Then she feels you could do without eating all their food, but instead of asking you to buy your own, has switched it to all about your weight? Not nice and very unkind, but your mum probably has food issues of her own and she is now putting it onto you. The sooner you are independent the better.

BlackZebraStripes · 09/08/2025 12:24

I would feel sorry for her.. you're fine OP. Anyone who comments on weight...says more about them than you. I'm 5.6 and size 12 is perfectly fine. I've been 8,10,12,14, none of these are overweight at 5.6. If I've less than 9.3 I look gaunt! What I'd do is go and kick some weights in the gym and get strong to prove her wrong - weight doesn't matter, how strong you are does.

Lemonadeat8 · 09/08/2025 12:26

Move out.

Eeehbyeck · 09/08/2025 12:28

White hell has voted you are being unreasonable ffs!

Letsbe · 09/08/2025 12:31

I think your mum has serious issues around food, her thinking is disordered. I would ignore and pity here. She may be unable to help it.

WhatcakeshalIIbaketoday · 09/08/2025 12:35

Your mum may think that, as she’s your mum, she has a free pass to make “honest” remarks with impunity. My mum would have done, and would have told me I was being shirty if I objected. She’d have said something like “you don’t like being told, do you?”

heartsinvisiblefury · 09/08/2025 12:52

keep telling your mum you don’t like her hair

Original poster
Lunalara · 09/08/2025 13:07

I have talked to her since this morning. She is using my insecurity about my boyfriend not committing to say things like he would leave me if I put weight on. I don’t know how I should take that. My life is a massive mess isn’t it 😓 I feel like I should be more grateful as I am not struggling in Gaza or don’t have cancer, but objectively it’s not going well…

OP posts:
Katemax82 · 09/08/2025 13:11

My husbands side of the family are very much body shamers, especially my late FIL. my daughter got quite overweight just after he dies and I was releived he had died otherwise he would have been making nasty comments and it would have caused a huge fall out. My daughter now has lost loads of weight but its because she has an eating disorder which im getting her help for, however my stepsons and Mil all thing she has done really well losing weight, even when I tell them its because she's got an eating disorder. They seem to think being anorexic is better than a bit chubby

Campingisnexttogodliness · 09/08/2025 13:15

I weighed 6 stone once during a divorce from starving myself as a way of control. Learned behaviour from my dm. She used to make me measure my thighs and mock me if I was bigger than her...
Every bad relationship she had - and there were many - saw her not eating for long periods of time.
Been nc for best part of my adult life.
Now a happy size 12
..she'd be horrified

Couldn't give a fuck.. .

Mewling · 09/08/2025 13:28

Lunalara · 09/08/2025 13:07

I have talked to her since this morning. She is using my insecurity about my boyfriend not committing to say things like he would leave me if I put weight on. I don’t know how I should take that. My life is a massive mess isn’t it 😓 I feel like I should be more grateful as I am not struggling in Gaza or don’t have cancer, but objectively it’s not going well…

My mother used to do stuff like this. She made me so incredibly insecure about myself that I began to view myself through her disordered, dysfunctional lens. The last straw was when she made shitty, personal comments to me about my weight, my finances, and a new relationships that I was, in following a bereavement I’d suffered. I stopped talking to her and haven’t spoken to her now for 2 years. My confidence has come on in leaps and bounds.

I say this gently, OP: work on moving out in the first instance, and then work on slowly extricating this toxicity from your life. She may even be trying to make you feel insecure about your relationship as she fears you leaving her.