I’m sorry this may be a long one but desperate for some advice .
Remarried 14months ago after 10months of dating the love of my life. Which may seem fast for some but we knew it was the right thing for us. We both have two children each, DH is 52 and I’m 44. We love each other loads and the kids get on very well however this hasn’t come easy but we’ve stuck at it and proud of what we’ve achieved. My family have all been very supportive of the change and welcomed DSC as their own.
my issue is with my SIL , DH younger sister (she’s married with three kids and is 47)
she lives two hours away from us including DHs parents as we all live in within about 30 mins of each other but expects everyone to travel to her for everything . Initially SIL and I I thought would be friends and we got on despite her basically interviewing me when we met up however these things have happened since we’ve been together, she’s hounded DH for personal information on our life, sent him pictures of her new hairstyle, clothes for a wedding etc wanting flattery , we’ve had questions over everything from which house we were going to buy if we werent buying one why not? to general info about what we are doing. She told DH she’d been all the way through my social media posts and laughed it off when he said jokingly seems abit mad why are you stalking to that degree? When he hasn’t responded to her texts. he travels a lot with work and newly married) she’s then continued to send him demanding messages to her texts things such as memes with clocks on trying to get a response and ‘????’ We chose to get married just us and two witnesses however all family were made aware and at the time seemed happy. On our wedding day she knew what time we were getting married and then inundated DH with texts for info when he didn’t respond as he was getting married and didn’t check phone she then started to send ????? Messages on out wedding day. When he did check later on he was then forced to respond. DH told me when we were in the early months of our relationship she hounded him for info and when he didn’t respond as he was with me and doesn’t check phone a lot she wasn’t happy and made bitchy comments like ‘right I’ll leave you to it then ‘They only became close when he got divorced after his wife had affairs, however although they text more he only saw her a few times a year. This is just some of the issues. There’s been issues with money DH has leant her and she didn’t pay back as she said she would so that also caused issues. She then made a very expensive house purchase she didn’t need whisky owing thousands .He found out via in laws . She can’t afford to buy where she lives and her job although decent isn’t on par with DH and she calls him the golden one. I have since found out from DH as kids she used to hurt herself and tell their parents he had done it which he got into trouble for , she admitted years later she’d made it up which PIL were furious about. This behaviour has really unsettled me also. She’s very spoilt by her father who sees no issues with her behaviours , she calls herself a daddy’s girl despite being 47. FIL said she’s over protective of her brother thats all which has infuriated DH.
DH has distanced himself from her and here is the issue. Shes gone to her parents upset so when DH explained what had gone on they said you know what your sister is like we will sort it out. However now this seems to have changed and FIL has demanded DH attends their house without me there and want to sort it out just them four and if he doesn’t then they leave the relationship all together. MIL is being very quiet and she and DH have always been close. I’m fine with being told not to go however DH is refusing to go saying he won’t be bullied and wants to see them but not his sister as she’s done loads of strange things which don’t add up. Because DH has refused I am now being accused of isolating him from his family and basically turning him against his sister . Some of his relatives have not bothered with a recent birthday of ours and they suspect involved themselves in our Facebook posts but haven’t so it now seems they are ganging up. DH tried to talk to his sister some months ago about her behaviour and she got defensive and turned it onto him then said she felt I’d taken her brother off her even though they speak once every week to two weeks and see each other rarely . This situation has affected both mine and DH health and he collapsed with the stress recently. His employer is now involved who have been very supportive. His eldest birthday was recently and she contacted his ex wife ( who SIL hated) and sent gifts to her house for eldest to get when she was at her mothers house. When DH told SIL the affects all this was having she accused him of blowing it out of proportion and pointed the blame to me saying all she’s ever wanted was for him to be happy. He’s told her a million times he’s happy it’s just her who is making him unhappy but she won’t listen. She has to know everything in PIL life and prys into their medical things etc MIL told DH that she probes into their life a lot and also they’ve given her a lot of money which DH isn’t supposed to know about at FIL request. It’s a mess. I’m starting to feel guilty for marrying DH and I love him very much however I can’t take anymore of this. To be accused of isolating him has really affected me as it’s not the case. Has anyone else had anything like this? Can you advise? I now feel that maybe i didn’t include her enough when we first got together but working full time, integrating four kids who all have after school clubs and just enjoying new married life a has taken over. I should probably mention FIL dotes on her kids and not DSC. This is very clear to see there’s favouritism . I feel terrible about the whole thing and it’s making me so unwell. My family are furious and have been very supportive to DH thankfully . DH had a recent birthday which PIL sent a card only and when he text to say thanks they didn’t respond . He said he feels he can’t see his parents unless he agrees to see her please advise am I being unreasonable to think this is horrendous?