Being asked to pay for birthday party?

[ItalianRedParka]

Dc has a good friend. His mum contacted me and another mum inviting our kids to an activity centre for her dc birthday. All good. She then sends us a link to purchase tickets for our kids? I thought you paid for the birthday activity for your kids birthday not ask the guests?

She’s wrong, it’s her thing, she pays for the people she’s inviting to it. What are you going to do?

You’re right. That is odd! I guess she’s supplying food/cake and thinks that’s the party. Maybe she’s cheeky or maybe she’s not aware of the done thing.

That’s rude and cheeky - you do not pay to attend a kids party. How much is the ticket? If it was a fiver and the child was a very good friend of my DC I would probably do it but anymore than that is not on.

If the mum can’t afford a party then she needs to cut her cloth accordingly and do pizza and cake at home (my DC have attended parties like this and still had a great time).

As children get older I’ve found I’m expected to pay for meals out that have been arranged for birthdays - often pizza etc. I would assume the parents are poor or rather cheeky - I wouldn’t take much of a present as this is already costing you although it’s not the child’s fault.

Thats really rude. If you organise a party you pay.

If she can't afford to pay then she needs to organise an alternative.

If it's a good friend then I'd pay in lieu of giving the child a gift and just bring a card and say that paying for the ticket was the gift.

Is it an actual party, or a do you want to go for a ‘day out’ for her child’s birthday? If it’s the latter than I’d be ok with that, maybe this is her trying to cut her cloth?

If it’s a party room and all the class is invited I would think it odd. However, last time I looked at the cost of class parties I thought they were bloody ridiculous!

Usually the host pays. If she wanted to do something like this then she needed to word it differently - 'We are celebrating Fred's birthday at the activity centre this year. If any friends want to join us and book onto the archery activity we are going Saturday at 2pm'.

Its 20 quid. I'll pay because dc wants to go!

£20? That is ridiculous!

The host pays - she is being cheeky. If she can’t afford a party there then she doesn’t have one.

I have thrown and attended parties for DS and the host pays for the ‘event’

@Livpool really, really means it… ☺️

I think £20 for an activity is a lot but if this is the DCs pick and they all want to go, it is perhaps reasonable to pay the ticket and she covers lunch, transport etc. the fact there’s just a couple of friends suggests she is aware this is a cheekier ask.

It depends. If she's low income then I would happily pay. If she's from a different culture then I would gently explain that I'll pay, but it isn't how we usually arrange parties. If she's just weird or cheeky then take your kid on a different day with another friend.

Is it definitely the ticket and not the waiver? I only ask as I often get sent links to the activity centre for parties but it’s to sign off waivers only, no expectation to pay.

If she had mentioned it upfront, then that would be so bad. Ie. ‘I’m taking Kate to the zoo for her birthday, would Megan like to come as well? Tickets cost £20’. However, to invite you and then ask for payment later is a bit cheeky.

I would be prepared to also be buying lunch as I am guessing she won't be paying for that either.

I agree with maybe going down the card only option and saying sorry the gift is your son attending the party.

Don't get a gift but I'd actually refuse and say something has come up and you'll rearrange the play date at a park later on. Because that's what it is, a play date dressed up as a party.

If your child wants to go then pay, but just give a birthday card. No gift as your gift budget is spent on attending - literary your presence is your present.

You wouldn't know how many people would actually turn up on that basis. So if you paid the £20 your dc might end up being one of very few attendees. I'd feel a bit sad about that, sending my dc off to play a game that lots of his best mates know about but can't afford, as they'd probably be chatting about it afterwards.
So if it was something he really loved the sound of, I'd probably end up taking dc myself and making a family event of it as a summer holiday treat.
Dunno, it's all a bit second guessy, isn't it.

Has she booked the birthday event there or is she going to cancel at the last minute when she finds only a few are willing to pay.
I'd only buy the ticket if you're happy to take your child on their own or waste the money.

The convention is that hosts pay and provide food, of course. That said, kids' parties and activities are expensive these days and not all parents can afford them. In this situation, I would pay the £20 and bring a gift if I could afford it, because otherwise it is the child who misses out. However, if I was hosting a party on the basis that guests pay, I would make this very clear on the initial invite.

I would speak to the other parent/s to see if they’re taking their kids.

You don’t want to pay £20 then realise the others have declined.

And just give a card no present.

If you invite people to a party you pay. Its not reasonable to expect you to pay for your kid to do an activity neither you nor them picked and take a gift and make it all about the birthday boy/girl

And if you are going to expect people to pay. You make it clear before you ask for commitment to attend. You dont invite people and send links