Being asked to pay for birthday party?

[ItalianRedParka]

Dc has a good friend. His mum contacted me and another mum inviting our kids to an activity centre for her dc birthday. All good. She then sends us a link to purchase tickets for our kids? I thought you paid for the birthday activity for your kids birthday not ask the guests?

Is it a ‘party’ invitation or is it a ‘We are going to X for Bob’s party, would you guys like to join us?’

I’ve been to more informal birthday stuff where we’ve paid entry, so say soft play but not the party package, just meeting up there for a lower key birthday celebration. I didn’t have a problem with it.

We are celebrating a little girl’s birthday at a pottery painting place next week, I am expecting to pay for the ceramic DD1 paints because it’s just an informal ‘We are going here, would love you to join us’ thing, not a hosted party.

Too little information to judge, maybe she doesn't know party etiquette, maybe she's from a different culture where parties are different, maybe she can't afford to pay for everyone, maybe it's not an actual party as such

Can you give us more info @ItalianRedParka

If it is juat 3 kids going i wouldnt call it a party so wouldnt assume the birthday mum would pay

But i do find it a bit rude to say do you want to come to this by the way here is the cost a group decision on an event where everyone knows at the beginning fine

But as kids get older this is often what happens. Kids choose something more expensive and the party host pays for that person's entry. My friend has taken a few children to the local theme park, another did a water park. They have paid for entry and food. Each time they only take a limited number of children for this reason.

It was coined as a birthday meet up for the 3 kids. I just assumed she'd pay but I'll let it go because my kid and hers are good mates.

Not exactly a party then is it, but yes all the same she will probably expect a gift for her child.

I've hosted my childs' birthday parties in play centre and not asked anyone to pay. They might as well hold it at home, then it'd be cheaper.

I think if you're arranging a party, you pay.

If it's a group of friends going out to celebrate a birthday, everyone pays for themselves. It would be really unusual in my circle for the birthday girl/boy to pay for everyone becuase it's their birthday.

Different for children, but there must be a transition point. How old are the children?

Its sad there's only 2 friends invited and they are expected to pay. I'd check with the other Mum to see if her child is going otherwise it'll be just your DS!

How odd.
I think most people reply with something along the lines of ‘sorry I misunderstood, didn’t realise you meant you wanted to have a play date there, not a party. Unfortunately this is more than we spend on play dates, but maybe we can meet up at park another time!’

I think the age of the dc and the wording are important here. When kids are young parents usually organise parties but when my friends and I were teenagers we made arrangements to meet up for various things and all paid for ourselves. Lazer tag, paint balling, cinema etc it was much less formal than a traditional party invitation. There was no cake or singing happy birthday we literally just met up and did an activity together. That being said if the dc are young and incapable of making such arrangements between themselves I think I’d of assumed it was being paid for.

Even though it’s not usually the way it’s done it would be incredibly rude to explain to some, different culture or not that it’s not the way parties are usually done. You receive an invite and the information times, date and in this case cost, then based on that you accept or decline, you certainly don’t tell them they are doing it wrong!

Ah I guess birthday meet up is slightly different. Perhaps she could have made it clearer but sounds like it wasn't intended as something she would paid for

It doesn’t sound like a party more a meet up for a birthday. I’ve attended outings and covered entrance fee/lunch before
I’d be ok with paying and would get a small gift. If I couldn’t afford I’d decline.

sometimes people do this. It just means “come along to the event” rather than being a traditional party. Don’t go if it’s a big deal to you

From secondary school onwards, people paid their own entrance fee/food amongst my dc’s friends.

Did she say, “fab, that’s £20 then. You can pay here.” Or did she send you the link so you could do the consent form? I often get sent links for the consent, sometimes there is a little safety video too, for things like high ropes, climbing, trampoline park, etc. and you have to sign off before they can book your child in, but you aren’t expected to pay.

Doesn’t sound like a party just an activity for the kids to attend you might end up paying for food and drinks depending on what time it’s happening.

Tbh, it depends. It it was some big visit, like a trip to one of the big zoos, or a theme park type of thing, I probably would expect to pay. Because wouldn’t it be a kind of ‘hey, I’m taking Ollie to the zoo for a birthday treat, do you fancy coming?’.. But if a play centre, swimming or similar I’d maybe expect the birthday child’s parent to pay.

A “birthday meet up” is going to be a “birthday party”. If it barks, it’s a dog, etc.

I mean: will there be a cake? Will there be a separate event that’s the actual party? Are they expecting a present? I think we know all the answers to those questions.

I’d say you’re unfortunately busy and offer to host a separate play date at yours or something. That you don't have to pay 20 quid for.

So, while I have paid for the birthday activities, meals, parties etc - I actually don’t think there is anything wrong with what she has done.

We are living in a cost of living crisis and I think it’s a way to enable the activity to happen without putting undue strain on one person.

It depends. If it’s a ‘party’ no I wouldn’t expect to pay. But if it’s a day out with a couple of close friends of my child (and parents I was friends with) I’d probably be happy to pay. To be fair, the mum could have made that clearer. If it’s just 3 kids and parents you’re friendly with, just go and enjoy the day out?!
I wouldn’t cancel, if it’s just 3 kids and you drop out that leaves the kid with only one mate there? that’s sad for the kid.

I want to be her! Not sure I can work that into my dd’s birthday sleepover though!

My DD simply invites GCs best friends to a playground and takes a picnic with a birthday cake, not expensive and they all have a lovely time. It is in the summer though, more difficult in the winter or in unreliable weather.