Would this bother you? Not sure how I’m feeling.

[memyself111]

I’ve been with my partner for one year.

I have been under a neurologist for 3 1/2 years. I had an appointment a few weeks ago for some tests and I need to go back for an MRI to have another check of my brain.

My partner lives 90 minutes away and didn’t come with me, which was fine. I didn’t ask.

When I had the appointment the other week my partner said she’d really like to come next time because she felt so odd not being at that appointment because she wanted to support me.

I received a letter to say I had an appointment booked, which was meant to be two weeks ago. But we had plans to spend the weekend with her family who live three hours away from me.

I told her I would rearrange the appointment and she said that was fine. I told the hospital I needed to rearrange and they sent me a new appointment out which is tomorrow. I received the letter just under two weeks ago to say that the appointment is tomorrow.

My partner has gone to see her family for an important birthday this weekend which has been planned for a while so has said she can’t come. I told her I can’t rearrange it again because I’ve been waiting for this appointment for a really really long time so she says she understands I will go without her and she is with her family

I’ve had messages from people tonight saying they hope it goes well tomorrow and asking if my partner is going with me. This feels a little strange now. I will go on my own because I’m not used to relying on anybody at all. I don’t want to sound like a victim saying that, but I very much depend on myself. It does however feel a little strange that she isn’t coming. I know that she has to go to the birthday event so I’m not angry about that. The birthday is on Sunday and my appointment is first thing in the morning so I did think she might come with me to the appointment and then go straight to her family‘s house, but That wasn’t in her plan as she wanted to go there today.

I don’t really know what I want from messaging this on here to be honest

It seems from your last post OP that the person you are calling your 'partner' doesn't really give a shit about you, as if she did, she would put you before a family party.

Can I ask please, why you don't live together?

@Givenupshopping we’ve only been seeing each other a year and I don’t feel ready to live with someone else yet.
i’m divorced, and I’ve just got my own house so I don’t want to live with anyone at the moment. So it’s just me and DC living together

I messaged her to let her know that I was at the hospital about to go in. She replied saying hope it goes okay.

She’s now messaged me asking me if I’m upset with her. I told her that I do feel slightly bothered.
She has said that she had completely forgot about the appointment and she has apologised That she hadn’t remembered it was today. I think she’s mentioned that because it was blatantly obvious that she had completely forgotten

Changing the original scan for a bbq was madness, your partner doesn’t care about you if they would let you do that.

I think that you are compromising yourself too much. I was doing the same with my DP. We've had to have honest conversations. One was him to not make promises that he doesn't keep. Another was that we aren't joined at the hip. But we are nearly 60.
You need to decide what you want from a relationship, go through the pros and cons of this one and decide if it's worth it. Has her family meet-ups been a big feature in your relationship?

I'm not sure that is tit for tat, It's you recognising that you are the kind of person to go the extra mile for your partner and they are not reciprocating this for you, even when it is your health that matters. You might want to consider what she does instead. DH was useless early in our marriage when I was undergoing medical issues. But showed love and support in lots of other ways. Some people have a real fear of hospitals. How does your partner show love? How do they make extra effort on your behalf? If they don't ever, in any way, that's more of a problem than if they just aren't great at this.

She’ll do things like bake cakes or bring flowers. Which is lovely.
she can be very validating in the moment if I say something is bothering me and I feel like she has the right words in the moment to validate how I am feeling. But it’s just an action after that that seems a little different

How did your appointment go @memyself111?

I think you need to move on.
A year in is a long time with someone- living together or not. She clearly puts other things before you and you deserve better.

@moveoverG

my appointment went well, thank you. I still don’t have the results because they said it will take a bit of time for the results to come back to me.
I did speak to her to say it bothered me that she’d forgotten the appointment entirely and she apologised. I also said to her that it was confusing for me that she said she really wanted to be there, but obviously it had been rearranged and then she had also forgotten in addition to that. She said she isn’t usually forgetful, but she had forgotten this time