Volunteering nightmare

[Oliveoiloli]

AIBU I think I have made a massive mistake. To get my DC into a much sort after childhood activity I volunteered to do some admin for the charity free of charge. My DC loves the club BUT my small bit of admin has turned into me being on call 24/7 basically acting as the offsite caretaker for the charity. I am already working full time and I’m beyond overwhelmed but feel so guilty- they are adamant DC can’t keep his place unless I volunteer but these people are trampling over boundaries. I am happy to do what I signed up for but being constantly contacted is driving me mad. I put an out of office on and now they are calling my personal phone. What do I do? Do I just find a new club for DC?

Why don’t you contact them and see if you can resolve this it would probably help them if they don’t understand it’s an issue
it usually helps to get all our resentments written down in advance
you have enabled the situation too by not taking action earlier sometimes we need to speak out promptly to protect our wellbeing

Be interesting to see how many of the people jumping up and down shouting it is blackmail volunteer.

Of course it isn't. If a section has 2 Leaders they might feel they only have the capacity to accept 16 young people. So the 50 dc on the waiting list remain on the waiting list until someone leaves, and obviously many of those on the waiting list won't ever get a place. However if someone comes along and says they will volunteer as a Leader, then the section might be able to take in another 4, 6, or 8 people from the waiting list (depending on new Volunteer's skills). So only right the new volunteer's child is one of those. However, if the new Volunteer comes for 6 weeks then doesn't show up anymore, the child needs to return to their original place on the waiting list as the Section can no longer cope with those numbers. Perfectly reasonable.

Now, I get the impression the OP isn't helping lead a section, but it is perfectly fine to say if someone volunteers doing other necessary work around the group, their child can also go to the top of the waiting list, but if they aren't volunteering their child returns to the original position.

What needs to be clear is what the expectations are of any role when someone is asked to take it on. Then the volunteer is perfectly legitimate in setting boundaries so it doesn't become something else. Lots of ideas on this thread make sense.
The hysterics don't.
OP, YANBU, but some of the respondents are.

This is why I rarely volunteer anymore. They expect the same commitment as if you're an employee and demand so much of you. Often things start with intensive training, attending meetings regularly, being rostered, attending weekend workshops several times a year (and sometimes a long drive). Hours more than the task I volunteered for. I'm too busy for all that.

I once tried to volunteer for a charity and they wanted me to do this little certificate that would take six months, at my cost with fees and all. I pointed out I had worked in this field, had a masters degree in the area, could easily design and teach that little certificate. No, had to do the silly little certificate. OK - bye then.

Why is everyone assuming it Scouts.
The OP said "charity". Scouts aren't a charity (are they 🤔?).

This screams Scouts to me, I was expected to be an on call caretaker for the premises- these were hired out at weekends for parties.
Almost broke me and my kids hated the extra involvement. Really sad as it is a great movement.
I happily volunteered time etc for the Brownies as it wasn't so pushy.

How much does your dc love the club?
sounds like they are royally taking the piss.
Id want to exit the situation entirely.
surely you can buy your dc off with something they really want / somewhere they want to go etc?

It was Brownies that wanted me to go on residential training weekends at least three times a year minimum, among all the planning and other things that go on. I decided being a leader wasn't for me after all, as a result.

That's very rare and must be a regional requirement to you. Our county has 1 x full day training per year (optional) and all other training is online (with the exception of the face to face bit of the first aid course to demonstrate proper CPR technique which is once every 3yrs).

Yes, scout groups are usually charities, each individually in their own right, which is one if the reasons the trustee / admin roles are bigger than id have assumed before I got involved. I'm lucky that our group doesn't own premises and just rents local halls for the sessions (which has its own challenges), but from my discussions with the another local chair of trustees, it was clear that the building aspect ends up taking up a lot of time and headspace for groups that do have their own, so I easily imagine someone getting punched into being unofficial caretaker as op has.
It may not be scouts, but if it's a children's activity that needs volunteers to run and is a charity, similar issues presumably apply.

One thing I've realised doing the trustee training, is that even though there are no paid staff, these days with the importance of safeguarding, health and safety etc, there is as much responsibility and demands on the volunteers with training, rules, paperwork, as there seems to be in most paid jobs. It's very hard to do things properly and keep enough volunteers.

Check their policies about the volunteer expectations.
Consider contacting the charity commission about their behaviour.

Of course Scouts are a registered charity. How else would they operate?

I think there are differences in how the charity status works in Scotland vs England but they can be registered as charities which enables them to collect gift aid for any fund raising they do.

Did you agree specific tasks when you took on the role? And have all the other volunteers been informed of this? If you've agreed with Bob that you'll do ABC, but Bob tells Jeff that you're doing the admin, Jeff thinks you're doing ABC DEF and consequently sends tasks in your direction and redirects other people to you.

I went on a scout guide course last year and one of the fundamental ingredients of a well functioning group is a clear division of tasks. I had our list with me and got loads of praise for it.

If you're getting other requests you say not my role, ask X, here is his number.

Does your child really enjoy going? Doesn't sound like a great environment to be in. My son dropped out of cubs because he hated it and the culture changed, the leaders and volunteers talked to the children like dirt. If they are openly being like this and blackmailing towards you I would wonder how the children are being spoken to. I admired what tasks they organised for the kids and I know controlling a group of kids is tough, but it was pointless because my son didn't feel very respected and felt he was treated like a younger child. He hated the dynamic between leaders and cubs and said the leaders in his other groups he went to were more respectful. My OH noticed this too when he dropped him off.

I would just let them do their worst if they are going to threaten you. Word will get around and they will find a lot if people happy to be on the waiting list instead.

It's 100% down to the leaders. My eldest beavers was amazing. She had complete control and respect from the kids. Cubs a bit more wild.
This sounds terrible but Squirrels was run by very 'gentle parents' in a very middle class area. I taught 10 mins away in a very deprived area. My kids did as they were told!

At the end of the day, leaders are just volunteered usually parents with varying skills. I am supporting my eldests group set up squirrels but will not be involved. Both of mine at now at the same place thanks that has a very no nonsense approach.

It does seem weighted in favour of those who can (and choose to) volunteer but as a scouting survivor it does make sense to allow volunteers’ children to leapfrog the waiting list as it’s about the only perk! The alternative may be people saying they will only volunteer when their child gets a place as they’ll need childcare etc so it’s sensible too. You want to snap up volunteers when they offer so the way to make that possible is by taking their child as well.

edited to add that in my experience most children had maybe a term or two to wait to join and volunteers are few and far between, so I’ve only known maybe two that have jumped the waitlist.

My error.
I genuinely didn't realise that.

No worries, every day is a school day 🙂

I came to say this! I did Cubs and my god it was not a couple of hours a week, no way!!

I think that depends on what your role is, and how much time you are prepared to give. I was an assistant cub leader for a few years, I went to weekly meetings, planned the odd meeting, went on camp once a year. But I'm now the main leader - I have a great team of assistant leaders, and we do much more than we did when I first joined. So it's now several hours a week, plus several weekend trips and camps, planning meetings, trustee meetings etc.

However, I have an assistant leader who attends every other week, due to work shifts. I have an assistant leader who attends every week, but doesn't do much else. We have trustees who come to the trustee meetings, but don't really do much else. And that's all fine. People give what they can, and if they can't (or don't want) to give more, then that's a case of setting their boundaries, and other people respecting that.

In the OPs case, it sounds like the boundaries have got a bit blurred. She needs to reset the expectations of the other members by putting in clear boundaries, giving what time she can, and then sticking to it.

I had this when I did something - I would be getting off the phone at midnight and getting calls at 4 am. I nearly keeled over, I operated like that for 3 months and then had a breather that made me see sense

I dealt with it by blocking calls from 10 till 7am and only allowing family calls within that (you can set it up on your phone. Choose whatever hrs you want. If they need to speak to you tell them there is a time slot to call - 6.30 to 7.30 or whatever suits and limit the days etc as well.

Key thing is to do some communication, say you can be avail at these times but you prefer email which you deal with on x and y. You have had to set boundaries so your full time work is not impacted nor your family life. Be clear that x hrs is vol time and anything above and beyond is chargeable so to minimise cost to the club please keep in the time frames. I also had a whats ap grp which I would say I would be online for certain times and stuck to that as well

The club is being a cheeky fucker to be honest

There taking the mick out of you volunteering is about what you can give not what they expect are other parents volunteering to get there kids in to this group. I’m sorry there treating you like crap tell them you offered to do x not x,y and z you are a parent first then an employee to a employer who pays you and you volunteer as a favour to them. How cheeky are these people blackmailing you and your dc. As for the calls ignore until they the message.

She volunteers as a favour to them as you point out. " They " volunteer as a favour to her son and all the others in their units.
They may of overstepped the mark but your comments are unthinking and harsh.

OP - why aren't you telling us what the "childhood activity" or club is that your DC and you belong to?
Or have you already told us and I've missed seeing it?

They might be but she doesn’t want to do all the extras they’re basically saying if you don’t do what we want you and your dc can leave. That is harsh.

Her child was given priority and a place in the unit above others because she offered to take on various tasks. If she decides not to do them then quite rightly her child should return to the waiting list. That is not unfair.
However I would imagine that she will have a conversation about the extra tasks and come to a sensible agreement which suits everyone and allows her child to remain and her to give as much help as she feels able to.