To be really worried about marbles around DD1

[EmmaThompsonsTears]

Last Christmas, my husband wanted to buy a marble run for our 3yo DS. At the time, DD had just turned 1, and was at the stage where she was putting EVERYTHING in her mouth, so I told him I’d really prefer it if he could wait a year or so, because I was worried about choking. Especially as marbles go everywhere, and they’re the perfect size and shape to get lodged in a child’s airway.

DH had a massive tantrum, and said that my anxiety was making me controlling, and I never allowed him to parent the kids. However, he didn’t buy the marble run.

Fast forward 8 months, DS is now 4, DD is 20m, and DH and I are separated after I found out he was having an affair.

I dropped the kids off at the in laws (where DH is now living) for childcare today, and DS proudly shows me his new…marble run. Complete with about 20 marbles.

I didn’t react at the time, but DD still puts lots of things in her mouth for a laugh (DS is much more sensible), and DH knows full well how I feel about this choice of toy while our children are so little.

So over to you.

Firstly, am I being unreasonable to be worried? I do suffer with anxiety and am having therapy for it, so it’s sometimes hard for me to tell what is and isn’t unreasonable when it comes to child safety!

Secondly, should I say something? And if so, what? I feel quite angry, but I also acknowledge that, now that I’m divorcing him, I have no right to control what happens when the kids are in stbExH’s care. So I’m at a bit of an impasse.

thoughts welcome!

You are totally not being unreasonable

Why marbles still even exist, I do not know.

Mega, mega dangerous

My kids never had them when little as they too put everything in their mouths

Thanks, this is validating! I remember having loads of fun with marble runs as a kid but absolutely not at this age, more at 5 or 6+. Would you say something?

There must be a minimum age on the box? Maybe say to him you're more than happy for the kids to play with it, as long as they're over the safe age stated by the manufacturer!

My DD loved playing with marbles when she was around 8yrs plus. Some people may think that's a bit old, but actually some kids get far more out of things when they're older. There's no need to let little ones be around marbles, there's just too much at stake if it goes wrong and they decide to pop a marble in their mouth. There's a duty to protect young children from choking.

Marble run is for 4 years +
clearly it depends on the child, reliably able to not put marbles in mouth -
the H sounds like a right dick

You aren’t unreasonable at all. I’ve just told my 7yr not to bring little bouncy balls into the house today as her little sister might put them in her mouth.

marble runs are 4+ or something, totally unsuitable for 1-2yr olds!

My 4YO got a marble run when her brother was only 1. But it’s in the category that I’d deem ‘bedroom toys’ along with lego, sylvanians etc. that were not allowed to be played with in the living space because it’s just too big of a risk that a mobile/baby young toddler will put it in their mouth. If DD wanted one of us to play with her we’d go up to her room which sometimes meant waiting until nap time or both parents being around but we had loads of other safer stuff that could safely be played with downstairs so she wasn’t hard done by. YANBU at all. I would definitely say something.

He’s an arsehole and no wonder he’s an ex.

yanbu in the slightest bit. My ds is 10 and begged for marbles but we have a toddler and I’m not taking that chance.

send him a message stating how dangerous this is as your dd puts things in her mouth, and if he chooses to ignore this then the blame will fall on him should anything happen.

Would he listen to an authority? It's literally in the third paragraph. He's an idiot.

https://www.nhs.uk/baby/first-aid-and-safety/first-aid/how-to-stop-a-child-from-choking/

Another NHS one. If he doesn't take you seriously, get the health visitor involved.
https://www.betterliveshealthyfuturesbw.nhs.uk/learning_resource/safety-preventing-choking/

Im not sure if youve explained how theyre playing the game- but similarly to above any older kid game that my DD wanted to play had to be at a table under supervision or during a nap to prevent small hands catching marbles/small bits etc. and shoving them in mouths/noses/ears.

I’ve got a marble phobia. I can barely even look at them as all I can see is them getting stuck in throats. I could not have one in the house so I agree you are defiantly not being unreasonable

Ds3 got his first marbles last year for Christmas (big Marble run). He was 7.

I wouldn't have them in the house with a toddler.

Not unreasonable, she could choke. Can you speak to in laws as it’s in their home? DH sounds unlikely to listen.

Chad valley marble run is from age 3, so not appropriate for a toddler. Can you trust the adults to supervise?
I followed your previous thread OP, so I'm not so sure.

You’re not even slightly unreasonable, op.
I’d be very unhappy indeed to discover I was married to such an imbecile.

We got a marble run for our 3.5 yo, but he's not allowed to play on his own and generally we try to use it when his little sister isn't around. We keep the box out of reach, and count the marbles every time.

She did stop putting them in her mouth very quickly, but I wouldn't even trust my 3yo not to do something stupid with it!

Literally sent him this at Christmas and he did not give a shit. Thanks for the suggestion though - it was a good one!

You'd be unreasonable to not worry! I'd think it was common sense that babies and toddlers don't play with marbles.
You should be able to speak directly to your ex and have him take it on board. It doesn't sound like he will though. In your situation I think I would casually mention to the ILs that 1yo is putting a lot of things in her mouth so you are keeping small objects, like marbles, out of her reach. That may prompt them to take some action. My DN used to come to mine for contact with her dad, if her mum had approached me with a concern like this I would 100% support her and take steps to keep the child safe.

A nursery would not allow a child of that age to be around a marble due to the choking risk. However it doesnt sound like your DH is likely to listen to you .

I like to think I can trust the grandparents, but we’re all only human and toddlers are fast. The only good thing is that DD typically only puts stuff in her mouth for attention / bants, so if there’s nobody in the room with her for 30 seconds while they go to grab something, I’m hoping she wouldn’t feel the need to put anything in her mouth. In my opinion it’s just not worth the risk though.

Get rid, and have no regrettes

I have a marble run in my classroom and so many parents comment, “Oh Flossie loves the marble run! We can’t have one at home because of younger sibling.” I hear this from nearly every parent with a younger child! You are not alone.

I also keep the marbles in my desk and hand them out one by one and count them back in, because they go everywhere!

I have a similar age gap and I bought elder DC a marble run. I always supervise him with it (the marbles are not accessible to him without asking) but we also did lots of work on the importance of packing the marbles anway and making sure his younger DC doesn’t get them, and it’s been fine. In fact it’s been helpful because now if he sees younger DC with anything small like that (such as Lego) he alerts me.

Don’t worry we’ve already filed for divorce. Not sure I can get rid of the marble run though, it’s not in my house 😂