To be really worried about marbles around DD1

[EmmaThompsonsTears]

Last Christmas, my husband wanted to buy a marble run for our 3yo DS. At the time, DD had just turned 1, and was at the stage where she was putting EVERYTHING in her mouth, so I told him I’d really prefer it if he could wait a year or so, because I was worried about choking. Especially as marbles go everywhere, and they’re the perfect size and shape to get lodged in a child’s airway.

DH had a massive tantrum, and said that my anxiety was making me controlling, and I never allowed him to parent the kids. However, he didn’t buy the marble run.

Fast forward 8 months, DS is now 4, DD is 20m, and DH and I are separated after I found out he was having an affair.

I dropped the kids off at the in laws (where DH is now living) for childcare today, and DS proudly shows me his new…marble run. Complete with about 20 marbles.

I didn’t react at the time, but DD still puts lots of things in her mouth for a laugh (DS is much more sensible), and DH knows full well how I feel about this choice of toy while our children are so little.

So over to you.

Firstly, am I being unreasonable to be worried? I do suffer with anxiety and am having therapy for it, so it’s sometimes hard for me to tell what is and isn’t unreasonable when it comes to child safety!

Secondly, should I say something? And if so, what? I feel quite angry, but I also acknowledge that, now that I’m divorcing him, I have no right to control what happens when the kids are in stbExH’s care. So I’m at a bit of an impasse.

thoughts welcome!

That's bad. Someone I know, her husband choked and died from food. Imagine a child with an object

Me half way though this thread (gif)…

on to the actual subject. DD1 fell in love with marble runs as they play with them in reception. She’s 4. As far as the older DC is concerned that’s an ok present.

On to how you feel about it near your youngest. Just keep it in an area that DC2 doesn’t go in to and it can only be played with there.

In all honestly my DD has been gifted all sorts of bracelet sets with about a million little beads that go all over the floor, Barbie’s with thousands of mini accessories and other tiny random crap. I was worried about it when pregnant with my second but it’s actually (touch wood) fine. We don’t leave them unattended so we always intercept when something small is picked up (which is rarely as we say to only play with that stuff in DDs room). I do think you’re being a tad too cautious

Also adding that when selecting that gif I had no idea it had a caption. I just meant the guy blinking 😂😂😂😂😂

@TY78910 read the OPs posts. She's divorced and the dad lives with his parents. It's their house that has the marbles and OP can't be there to supervise. The dad not giving a shiny shit about his toddlers safety means he can't be trusted to supervise properly.

YANBU. Marbles are a minimum 3+ kind of toy and I am generally pretty chill with that kind of thing / ages of toys within reason. But this is a risk and he is failing to basically parent your child safely, especially when you have already informed him of the risks before.

I have an older son (7) who's loved marble runs since around age 4, youngest son 1.5 yrs at the time. I would always FULLY supervise and count every marble after we had finished. I removed the marbles from the box and placed them in a jar in a high up cupboard whilst not in use.
Ball runs are another alternative.

I choked on a marble when I was 4 so yanbu. I was moments from a tracheostomy when the marble thankfully dislodged.
If your ex won't listen to reason I would put something formal in writing/ email and include the safety guidelines linked above.
If you are in the process of negotiating custody arrangements you could also let your solicitor/ mediator know.
When I was getting divorced a friend advised me to treat every communication as it would be read aloud by a judge at some point. There was never any chance of us ending up in court but I found it was a useful reminder to have in my head about how to approach all issue - clear, focused, evidence, no emotion.

This is really good advice, thank you 🙏🏻