To think my friend is being ridiculous about her BF’s parents money

[Cfcsummer]

My friend has been dating someone for a few months. It’s going fine - she doesn’t seem over the moon but is happy enough. We spoke about whether she sees a long term future at which point she told me that his father is a multi millionaire and that she can imagine that would make her future really comfortable (retirement, help possible house purchase etc) even if they didn’t get married.

I asked her if that is the main reason she can see a potential long term future and she said yes, and that if she wasn’t aware of that information then she probably wouldn’t be excited about it going that far as it stands.

My friend has a successful career and earns well.

AIBU to think she’s being ridiculous?! I couldn’t find the heart to say anything the other night but it has played on my mind since.

She’s not being ridiculous but she is being nasty, deceitful and manipulative.

Gold digger. Only in it for the money. He deserves to know.

Why has it played on your mind?

To be clear, I think she's not a very nice person, and also liable to be on a hiding to nothing as millionaires don't usually get that way by being stupid and handing out their cash to scroungers - but it's not affecting you, her life her choices.

Are you jealous of her possible future windfall? Or do you just not like her very much now that she has said that? Or - what? You can be her friend, or not be her friend, but you can't tell her what to think, hope for or how to live.

I should also add that there’s no guarantee what money her partner will see in the future, he has siblings and father has other kids from a more recent relationship.

I just don't see why you care. If you don't like her, ditch her.

As a close friend I just don’t want her to cling on to a relationship she isn’t overly fussed about and ‘settle’ because of a future windfall which might not even happen.

This

I'd have given my view at the time - completely wrong thing to do.

Did she ask for your advice? People rarely listen to advice about their relationships and as for unsolicited advice, not a chance. She's an adult, clearly intelligent and functional, it's her choice if she want to daydream about being a gold digger.

I'd be more worried about her character and how trustworthy she is.

When did you realise your feelings for Mr Darcy?

I do believe it was when I visited Pemberley…

She's an adult, leave her to it - especially if you've already raised some concerns.

If you don't like what this reveals about her personality than stop being her friend.

Your friend's an opportunist.

She's also very unrealistic.

I'd be rethinking that friendship. She's shown you what she values and that she will use people to get it.

Well trod path.

If she is prepared to put her happiness on hold for a gamble, more fool her.

Anything could happen. She sits it out for years then FIL goes bankrupt, or leaves every penny to new wife, or her Bf predeceases his Dad, or after years he leaves her for a younger woman because she too has been played.

Plenty of people ditch otherwise good relationships because he is a low earner / has debt, so it can hardly be a surprise that some people ‘settle’ for money.

I would be unimpressed.

This bloke will see through her like a pane of glass. And just because his parents are loaded doesn't mean she'll see any of it.

Not my parents, (I have no siblings) but my cousins are multimillionaires, and they wouldn't even lend me a fiver. Not that I would ever expect them to.

Tell her to grow up and go out with someone she actually fancies and cares about.

Has your opinion of your friend changed since she said this, hence you being awake all night? TBH it would if it were me and I would not want to associate with a gold digger.

Your mate is a gold-digger

It sounds as though she wants an easy life, financially, has finally met someone she thinks can provide that for her, but doesn't like him enough to be excited about being with him.

Does she really think her boyfriend and his family won't see right through her?

I’d let her crack on with the unhappy life she’s headed for. If he doesn’t see through her first. She’ll learn.

Traditionally it was the main reason why people got married. The man provided a sound financial base for the marriage, and the woman provided beauty, charm and grace (and children!) That goes for arranged marriages as well. It doesn't mean they're necessarily going to be unhappy.

A majority of marriages end in divorce anyway so what difference does it make if you marry for love or money?

But women had far fewer rights, generally didn't do paid work or had to give it up on marriage if they did, and couldn't own property or directly inherit over a male heir, so that kind of thing made more sense and was accepted.

On that logic, we’re all going to die, so why worry about anything?!

What about personal honour, self esteem and morals? Marrying for money is a form of prostitution which is anathema to many of us and certainly deceptive - a lie - unless both parties to the marriage are very clear about the basis of the relationship.

And have the statistics changed? Last time I looked a majority of marriages survived.

Traditionally it was the main reason why people got married. The man provided a sound financial base for the marriage, and the woman provided beauty, charm and grace (and children!) That goes for arranged marriages as well. It doesn't mean they're necessarily going to be unhappy.

All right if both parties understand that's the deal. Not if one thinks they're in a loving relationship and the other is just seeing £££ signs.

It's a pretty big gamble - the parents might live for many years, they might have massive financial setbacks and end up with very little, they might leave the money in trust for grandchildren, they might choose to set up a charitable foundation and only leave a small amount to family...

Meh - if she wants to base her long-term relationships on economic prospects then she can do that. What's the guy like? Is he head over hills in love or does he just want a nice girl on his arm and a woman to keep?