Page 3 | Am I selfish to see friend

Chickencuddle · 2025-08-06T08:03:57+00:00

All summer holidays I've been doing things for my kids taking them places days out doing fun activities at home. Today I okabned to meet up with a friend and said we could all go on a day out together. My kids don't want to go but I told them we are going and that it's my turn to see my friend. We have had lots of their friends over all summer. I don't ever go anywhere or do anything for myself. But I feel bad. I feel selfish. I feel like the kids are going to be dragging their heels and unhappy all day. Am I selfish to use a day of summer holidays to meet my friend.

Sillysop92 · 06/08/2025 11:20

I’d leave all the kids at home and meet your friend in Town and drink lots of fizz!

nomas · 06/08/2025 11:57

Agix · 06/08/2025 09:20

I kinda think you are if the kids don't want to go.

Would you like to be dragged along to go see someone you don't want to see, in an uncomfortable situation you don't want to be in, with no choice to say no, and no choice about what happens in your life otherwise either? Even the things that are "for you" are all decided on and arranged by someone else... And now that person is using that as an excuse to force you along on an uncomfortable day. As if you owe them for what THEY have chosen.

Seriously, would you like it? Of course you wouldn't like it. You didn't ask for or choose any of it, and now you're being treated as unreasonable for not liking it on top (and for "not being good"!) .

Of course all this is unfair to the kids, and of course its selfish - you had them, parenting is literally an obligation and "I've parented them all summer!" is no excuse for anything. Yes, that's what you're supposed to do, and that's an obligated you accepted when you had kids. You are owed no rewards for it.

But in the absence of a father or relative (I assume) to take care of the kids doing something more comfortable for them, and you being so determined to see your friend, I suppose there is no alternative. Off merrily you go, enjoy.

But call it what it is, at least. I really don't understand parents who treat their children as lesser human beings whose feelings and opinions don't matter just as much as their parents. Not directed necessarily at you OP - you care enough to be posting about it. This is more about the replies you've gotten. At least you give enough of a shit to question yourself and think about your kids feelings... Some of the people replying blatently wouldn't.

Edited

Bloody hell 😳

zingally · 06/08/2025 11:58

Of course you're not being unreasonable!

I dragged my DD out to spend a couple of hours with my best friend today. I think it's important for my DCs to have to spend some time where they're not centre of the universe.

Coffeeishot · 06/08/2025 11:59

nomas · 06/08/2025 11:57

Bloody hell 😳

Show quote history

Just what we were all thinking 😀

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 06/08/2025 12:03

Agix · 06/08/2025 09:20

I kinda think you are if the kids don't want to go.

Would you like to be dragged along to go see someone you don't want to see, in an uncomfortable situation you don't want to be in, with no choice to say no, and no choice about what happens in your life otherwise either? Even the things that are "for you" are all decided on and arranged by someone else... And now that person is using that as an excuse to force you along on an uncomfortable day. As if you owe them for what THEY have chosen.

Seriously, would you like it? Of course you wouldn't like it. You didn't ask for or choose any of it, and now you're being treated as unreasonable for not liking it on top (and for "not being good"!) .

Of course all this is unfair to the kids, and of course its selfish - you had them, parenting is literally an obligation and "I've parented them all summer!" is no excuse for anything. Yes, that's what you're supposed to do, and that's an obligated you accepted when you had kids. You are owed no rewards for it.

But in the absence of a father or relative (I assume) to take care of the kids doing something more comfortable for them, and you being so determined to see your friend, I suppose there is no alternative. Off merrily you go, enjoy.

But call it what it is, at least. I really don't understand parents who treat their children as lesser human beings whose feelings and opinions don't matter just as much as their parents. Not directed necessarily at you OP - you care enough to be posting about it. This is more about the replies you've gotten. At least you give enough of a shit to question yourself and think about your kids feelings... Some of the people replying blatently wouldn't.

Edited

You are jesting 😂, surely?

MonochromePig · 06/08/2025 12:30

Agix · 06/08/2025 09:20

I kinda think you are if the kids don't want to go.

Would you like to be dragged along to go see someone you don't want to see, in an uncomfortable situation you don't want to be in, with no choice to say no, and no choice about what happens in your life otherwise either? Even the things that are "for you" are all decided on and arranged by someone else... And now that person is using that as an excuse to force you along on an uncomfortable day. As if you owe them for what THEY have chosen.

Seriously, would you like it? Of course you wouldn't like it. You didn't ask for or choose any of it, and now you're being treated as unreasonable for not liking it on top (and for "not being good"!) .

Of course all this is unfair to the kids, and of course its selfish - you had them, parenting is literally an obligation and "I've parented them all summer!" is no excuse for anything. Yes, that's what you're supposed to do, and that's an obligated you accepted when you had kids. You are owed no rewards for it.

But in the absence of a father or relative (I assume) to take care of the kids doing something more comfortable for them, and you being so determined to see your friend, I suppose there is no alternative. Off merrily you go, enjoy.

But call it what it is, at least. I really don't understand parents who treat their children as lesser human beings whose feelings and opinions don't matter just as much as their parents. Not directed necessarily at you OP - you care enough to be posting about it. This is more about the replies you've gotten. At least you give enough of a shit to question yourself and think about your kids feelings... Some of the people replying blatently wouldn't.

Edited

This must be a joke.

GiantTeddyIsTired · 06/08/2025 13:30

I wouldn't take nonsense from my kids over that.

I do plenty for them that I don't particularly want to do, occasionally, they'll have to endure for me too. It's part and parcel of life.

Awaywiththegnomes · 06/08/2025 14:47

Well @Agix is all hot air it would seem!

Awaywiththegnomes · 06/08/2025 14:49

Chickencuddle · 06/08/2025 10:09

Thanks everyone. Will see how it goes. Feel a bit better. Jyst keep thinking aww maybe they don't feel like the mountain today. Will just see.

Buck up OP, seriously! A summer’s day climbing a mountain… you’re hardly sending them up a chimney..

Awaywiththegnomes · 06/08/2025 14:52

Chickencuddle · 06/08/2025 10:53

No i am going to take them i just have my fingers crossed they will have a great time. And that they seem good with it now.

You speak about them like they are made of porcelain and liable to break when they don’t do exactly what they WANT.

OP you are raising entitled thoughtless children and you’re in for one hell of a rough ride in teenage years unless you start parenting up a bit.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 06/08/2025 17:55

The reply from @Agix is exactly the reason why one of our 19 year old members of staff came in yesterday and said I'm leaving 3 hours early today cos I want to go out tonight.
Absolutely no consideration as to what this might mean for any of his other workers just expecting his wants were an automatic right.

Original poster

Chickencuddle · 06/08/2025 18:19

Went. Had a great time. Kids all happy and loved my friends dd.

OP posts:

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 06/08/2025 18:22

Chickencuddle · 06/08/2025 18:19

Went. Had a great time. Kids all happy and loved my friends dd.

Excellent!

ImogenBrocklehurst · 06/08/2025 19:20

Agix · 06/08/2025 09:20

I kinda think you are if the kids don't want to go.

Would you like to be dragged along to go see someone you don't want to see, in an uncomfortable situation you don't want to be in, with no choice to say no, and no choice about what happens in your life otherwise either? Even the things that are "for you" are all decided on and arranged by someone else... And now that person is using that as an excuse to force you along on an uncomfortable day. As if you owe them for what THEY have chosen.

Seriously, would you like it? Of course you wouldn't like it. You didn't ask for or choose any of it, and now you're being treated as unreasonable for not liking it on top (and for "not being good"!) .

Of course all this is unfair to the kids, and of course its selfish - you had them, parenting is literally an obligation and "I've parented them all summer!" is no excuse for anything. Yes, that's what you're supposed to do, and that's an obligated you accepted when you had kids. You are owed no rewards for it.

But in the absence of a father or relative (I assume) to take care of the kids doing something more comfortable for them, and you being so determined to see your friend, I suppose there is no alternative. Off merrily you go, enjoy.

But call it what it is, at least. I really don't understand parents who treat their children as lesser human beings whose feelings and opinions don't matter just as much as their parents. Not directed necessarily at you OP - you care enough to be posting about it. This is more about the replies you've gotten. At least you give enough of a shit to question yourself and think about your kids feelings... Some of the people replying blatently wouldn't.

Edited

Away with you. Nothing wrong with children being bored now and again. Pandering to their every need is how we have ended up with a spoilt, entitled generation with no idea that they might not be centre of the universe.

Branster · 06/08/2025 20:12

Chickencuddle · 06/08/2025 18:19

Went. Had a great time. Kids all happy and loved my friends dd.

Wonderful!!! Well done!

ConnieHeart · 06/08/2025 20:32

Chickencuddle · 06/08/2025 18:19

Went. Had a great time. Kids all happy and loved my friends dd.

Brilliant. Do it again soon!

TheTwitcher11 · 06/08/2025 20:44

Agix · 06/08/2025 09:20

I kinda think you are if the kids don't want to go.

Would you like to be dragged along to go see someone you don't want to see, in an uncomfortable situation you don't want to be in, with no choice to say no, and no choice about what happens in your life otherwise either? Even the things that are "for you" are all decided on and arranged by someone else... And now that person is using that as an excuse to force you along on an uncomfortable day. As if you owe them for what THEY have chosen.

Seriously, would you like it? Of course you wouldn't like it. You didn't ask for or choose any of it, and now you're being treated as unreasonable for not liking it on top (and for "not being good"!) .

Of course all this is unfair to the kids, and of course its selfish - you had them, parenting is literally an obligation and "I've parented them all summer!" is no excuse for anything. Yes, that's what you're supposed to do, and that's an obligated you accepted when you had kids. You are owed no rewards for it.

But in the absence of a father or relative (I assume) to take care of the kids doing something more comfortable for them, and you being so determined to see your friend, I suppose there is no alternative. Off merrily you go, enjoy.

But call it what it is, at least. I really don't understand parents who treat their children as lesser human beings whose feelings and opinions don't matter just as much as their parents. Not directed necessarily at you OP - you care enough to be posting about it. This is more about the replies you've gotten. At least you give enough of a shit to question yourself and think about your kids feelings... Some of the people replying blatently wouldn't.

Edited

Do you have friends?

Pricelessadvice · 06/08/2025 20:51

Chickencuddle · 06/08/2025 18:19

Went. Had a great time. Kids all happy and loved my friends dd.

Fabulous! You know, some of my fondest memories are from ‘mundane’ things we did in childhood. Like a long road trip to go and see an old second hand car. Totally boring when you think about it, but I remember the sunny weather and the views from the car window on the way, with the radio playing.
I actually have less fond, clear memories of the ‘exciting days out’ and more of the run of the mill stuff.
I think kids can find all sorts of things a little adventure, even if you don’t think they would.

Rainbowqueeen · 06/08/2025 20:54

You’re not being selfish at all.

Kids often loan about stuff and then end up enjoying it. This is a great learning experience for them - that their mum is a person in her own right and deserves to have fun experiences. Also point out to them that they had already said it was an outing that they would be happy with and they don’t get to change their minds whenever they feel like it and expect everyone to change plans to cater to them

Fundays12 · 06/08/2025 21:21

Chickencuddle · 06/08/2025 18:19

Went. Had a great time. Kids all happy and loved my friends dd.

Fabulous

stclementine · 06/08/2025 22:12

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 06/08/2025 09:40

The fuck? Seriously, what the hell from the OPs post told you she treats her children like lesser beings? How do you get that from any parent organising a day out that the children have previously said they want to do, just so that parent can get a bit of adult interaction? Why are parents seen as lesser beings in this case?

OP, ignore shit like this, some people are completely clueless with no children or are pulling crap like this and raising entitles brats. Have a lovely day with your friend, and given you're not throwing them into a pile of glass and are in fact doing an activity they have previously enjoyed and expressed a desire to do again, I sure your children will too.

Show quote history

Nah, as a person without children I’m definitely on team mum and kids need to put up and shut up. I think you’ll find the majority of us think the same. In my experience it’s mostly a subset of parents (we all knkw the type) that pander to their children and martyr themselves so they have thoroughly miserable lives.

Givenupshopping · 07/08/2025 01:06

Agix · 06/08/2025 09:20

I kinda think you are if the kids don't want to go.

Would you like to be dragged along to go see someone you don't want to see, in an uncomfortable situation you don't want to be in, with no choice to say no, and no choice about what happens in your life otherwise either? Even the things that are "for you" are all decided on and arranged by someone else... And now that person is using that as an excuse to force you along on an uncomfortable day. As if you owe them for what THEY have chosen.

Seriously, would you like it? Of course you wouldn't like it. You didn't ask for or choose any of it, and now you're being treated as unreasonable for not liking it on top (and for "not being good"!) .

Of course all this is unfair to the kids, and of course its selfish - you had them, parenting is literally an obligation and "I've parented them all summer!" is no excuse for anything. Yes, that's what you're supposed to do, and that's an obligated you accepted when you had kids. You are owed no rewards for it.

But in the absence of a father or relative (I assume) to take care of the kids doing something more comfortable for them, and you being so determined to see your friend, I suppose there is no alternative. Off merrily you go, enjoy.

But call it what it is, at least. I really don't understand parents who treat their children as lesser human beings whose feelings and opinions don't matter just as much as their parents. Not directed necessarily at you OP - you care enough to be posting about it. This is more about the replies you've gotten. At least you give enough of a shit to question yourself and think about your kids feelings... Some of the people replying blatently wouldn't.

Edited

I do hope that nobody is batshit enough to think that what 'Agix' has said is the right way to raise their children, as not only would you be making a rod for your own back, but would also be making life difficult for everyone that your child/children ever encounter. Should teachers say 'Oh, little Jimmy doesn't want to read a book / do maths today, we'd better all find something that Jimmy wants to do'. Of course not, as apart from anything else, they probably have a class full of Jimmy's all wanting their own way.

If Jimmy needs to go to hospital for life saving surgery, but says he doesn't want to go, will you give in and say, 'oh that's fine son, you don't have to if you don't want to'. Of course you wouldn't!

I actually think that this is one of the most ridiculous posts I've ever read on MN, and can only think that perhaps 'Agix' is a child herself!