To consider how inheritance looks after marriage

[DaisyDoodler]

So I have been asked by a close friend who is engaged about what me and my DH have agreed about wills and children’s inheritance- we have DC on both sides and an “ours” child. I have to say I hadn’t really considered it and all the children are children of the family so any inheritance will be shared equally.

However, she suggested that because I owned my house before marriage that my DC should have a higher inheritance in recognition of my lifetime contributions before marriage.

This made me wonder what other people do? Do you share all equally between all children of the family? (YANBU) or do you weight it in accordance to what each party brings to the table at the point of marriage (YABU).

Genuinely curious and would appreciate thoughts on this. TIA.

When we married we didn't have a child together so our wills reflect inheritance to each of our individual lines.

Especially as the child is of the house you owned prior to marriage, was it her childhood home?

I suppose it also depends if your pre marriage children will inherit from the relative ex's sides? Making sure your pre marriage child isnt going to be losing out.

I don’t have step children but if you aren’t careful they could do better overall because they get from you, your husband and also their own Mum. Whereas your joint children only has from you and husband.

I will probably be in the minority but I owned my house with my Mum before I met dh (had dd aged 5 at the time) and dh then moved in with me. We got a mortgage to buy Mum out - all mutually agreed, equal to half the house. Dh put on the deeds to the house. (I know some would say that was reckless as effectively shared equity with dh). I gave up work and dh stayed working full time, paying all bills etc (this was a joint decision as I had health issues and had a previously high earning career). Then we had Ds (now aged 13) who has complex needs / autism etc. When my Mum died I inherited quite a lot and we ploughed this into extending the house and doing quite a lot of work to it all and used a lump sum to completely pay off the mortgage. So house now completely paid off with dh and I joint owners. When we die the house etc will be shared equally between the two dc. I think if you’re married you share everything equally, and all dc inherit equally.

edited to add - dd doesn’t have contact with her dad and there are no extended family on either side so perhaps that’s made things more simple.

You really, REALLY need to consider what might happen to your children’s inheritance if YOU die first.

Whatever you do, do NOT rely on your husband ‘doing the right thing’.

Yes, watertight wills are so important.

We own our house as tenants in common and DH’s half goes equally to all his DC (4) mine to mine/ours (2).

if you are married and then you die, all your money & house will by default go to your spouse. your spouse could then marry again (leaving house to new partner) or leave things to only their own children.

if you want to ensure that your children from your first marriage are able to inherit, you MUST write that carefully and explicitly in your will.

Same.

We got married before having any kids and our kids are both of ours. We don’t have any separation of money in wills although I probably bought more into the marriage at the time

Thank you - I didn’t even think about the tenants in common option - that sounds sensible. And covering my DC in the eventuality I went first would obviously be a massive concern. There is definitely much more than I had previously considered.

OP it happens all the time that the first children get written out by their step-parent. There's a thread about it on here every couple months. I know someone whose father remarried close to death in order to avoid IHT with instructions of how the step-mother would provide for his first kids. She promised she would but then took the lot for herself and her children. For your children's sake you need to think about worst case scenario.

It does happen all of the time. Your husband could inherit everything and then go on to have five more children. Or marry someone with a squad of children already.

I would never remarry. I want to safeguard my children's inheritance. Blending just confuses things

Don't have a mirror will as whoever is the surviving partner can redirect the estate to whoever they choose. Normally their offspring. If this is a second marriage each party needs to direct their part of the estate to their heirs.

Yep -agree my ex has remarried and put his inheritance into paying his second wife mortgage off. She has three children and he has three - it will be over who survives as to where the estate goes.

Please go to a experienced solicitor ASAP and make a will with provision specifically for your children from your first relationship.

You could die in an accident any time. Shit happens. Protect your children and do not rely on your husband's goodwill towards them.

This^ My aunt didn’t and her bastard of a husband changed his will after she died and left everything to his own son.

When they had got married he was out of work, had nothing and aunt owned a house outright, had savings and a well paid job. My cousins didn’t get a penny of their rightful inheritance.

Thank you all for comments. Has been very helpful and eye opening. I have discussed with DH and he agrees this would be wise to address properly as benefits all of our DC’s so will be making an appointment to see a solicitor asap

I would divide the estate into sixths.
Your three children get 1/6 each and DHs three children get 1/6 each, meaning your joint child gets 2/6.

I have two kids, my husband none. We are tenants-in-common of our house, and our Wills leave our share to be divided between my kids, with a life interest to the surviving spouse (via a legally drawn up trust, with independent trustees, and with all kinds of conditions about maintaining the place, renting it out, selling and downsizing…). I am well aware that my husband could change his mind if I die before him and leave his share elsewhere, but recognise that’s his right, even if I don’t like it. My other assets - a few quid and an old banger, in reality, but there’s always that Lottery win! - are divided between my kids and my savings are held separately to my husband’s.

I also have step-grandchildren and a birth-grandchild, and my Will is clear: if either or both of my sons predecease me, their share goes to my birth grandchild, for all the reasons others have given: my step-grandkids have a whole other family to look out for them.

We own as tenants in common with lifetime interest, my half goes my dc, (this forms most of my estate as I have a small final salary pension which dh would get the spouse survivor pension of, and the rest goes to him but isn’t significant, £70k currently) his half of the house is in his estate, of which £325k goes to his dd tax free then the rest to me, currently that’s about £600k but we are really hoping that there won’t be much left by the time it gets activated!

Definitely get a good lawyer to talk things through with as there are situations you might not have considered - if something happens to you and your DH remarries, your children can be left out altogether for example.

My father got absolutely nothing from his parents as his dad remarried and she was terrible. When his dad passed away she handed all the money over to her own child and threw away all my dad's old baby photos and such. Dramatic example but it's something that could have been avoided if my grandfather had thought about it ahead of time.

When my mum died 25 years ago, she left the family home to her new husband in the understanding that he would leave the house to all their shared children. Roll on the years, he has moved 4 times and we have not seen a penny from his downsizing. We hardly have any contact with him (I ring him once or twice a year, he sends an Xmas card and a birthday card). When he dies, we won't get anything. Ring-fence your children's inheritance.

I’m in a similar situation. I have a child I coparent, and one I sole parent with no partner.

My will has the child I’m half responsible for getting a half share compared to the one I’m fully responsible for getting a full share. (So a 2:1 split).

That seemed fair to me, although the co-parent reacted negatively when I told them (children are too young a this stage). They said I should just split equally, although of course that would mean the coparented child getting more when both of us have died.

I would note however, I spoke to a solicitor when drawing up my will and they said they’d not seem that type of split before, FWIW.