To consider how inheritance looks after marriage

[DaisyDoodler]

So I have been asked by a close friend who is engaged about what me and my DH have agreed about wills and children’s inheritance- we have DC on both sides and an “ours” child. I have to say I hadn’t really considered it and all the children are children of the family so any inheritance will be shared equally.

However, she suggested that because I owned my house before marriage that my DC should have a higher inheritance in recognition of my lifetime contributions before marriage.

This made me wonder what other people do? Do you share all equally between all children of the family? (YANBU) or do you weight it in accordance to what each party brings to the table at the point of marriage (YABU).

Genuinely curious and would appreciate thoughts on this. TIA.

My mother gave me a substantial amount to put towards the purchase of our house, my DH then contributed to the mortgage for seven years, and he put a substantial amount of money into improvements when his mother died. I paid off the mortgage when my mother died. Since then any improvements, upkeep etc. have been funded from our joint pot.

We have agreed that, once we are both dead, the value of the house will go 25% to his family and 75% to mine, and that is what is in our wills. We each have children and grandchildren of our own and do not share any (except emotionally - we both love all of them).

The number of people who don’t make carefully thought through provision is unbelievable. Worst case scenario is DH inherits everything if you die first, then….he remarries, then dies and before you know it, a complete stranger (his new widow) inherits what you built up (together with her off spring). Please make very clear provision for YOUR children. I see this more often than you think. Hideous.

I agree with this. I would never remarry. My DC inheritance will not be compromised.

All the children should have the same op, you created a family…don’t go rift it after your death.

I would be careful that all is written though. Otherwise all go to your spouse and then if he remaries?

Well done OP fpr taking your friend's concerns and advice on board.

You have a very good friend.

I've voted YABU. Purely because you haven't written wills. It's just such a big thing to drop on all the kids and to not explicitly say what you want.

I have 3 DC, DH has one. Our wills are the same in that each of them leave our half to all 4 DC equally with a lifetime trust to the surviving partner. DH could chose to leave his half soley to his DC but you have to trust that they won't, I can't see any other option.

DH and I decided that our money will be shared between our children (both joint and separate) equally despite us bringing different amounts into the marriage as I don’t want the kids falling out over money when we die; I want them to pull together and support each other as siblings and not resent each other for one getting more than the other

Also by the time we die (hopefully) what we brought into the marriage will be less relevant as things ebb and flow in terms of finances I find

However many DC you have you split your money between them. DH does the same. Meaning DC you share would get more. Other DC have another parent to inherit from. If you are bringing in a large amount of money I to the marriage protect it with a legally binding agreement that if you split up you get back deposit you brought into marriage.

We have 5 children ( 3 from DH first marriage and 2 together). My SC inherited from their mother when she passed (after their 2 half siblings were born) so had the home that had been purchased by her following DH and her divorce using the assets agreed during that split. DH and I have wills that leave our estate 50% between all 5 and 50% between the youngest 2 only. If he pre deceases me, the full amount will obviously become mine and I will leave it in the split we have already agreed as I consider his DC to be my DC too.

I’ve had enough conversations with my parents to of seen where one spouse dies, and the other re marries, the original spouses children are not looked after. And I’ve seen it as I’ve got older in a few cases.

We have a watertight (I hope) Will in place , protecting our DC. While I’d be fine if my DH genuinely found a new connection if I died (I can’t imagine it for myself however), I would not want a single asset built by us to be giving them or the step child(ren) any benefit. They can bring their own to the table.

we organised it by speaking to a solicitor; discussing some of the questions/ scenarios raised that hadn’t occurred to us, and then giving them instruction.
protect your Dc

And sadly, what you also have to consider is divorce and how financially vulnerable you might be in that scenario.

We have one child together and DH has a child from a previous marriage. If I die first - I own a separate house ie not the house that we live in and this is to be held in trust for our child that we have together. My DH would inherit everything else and then split that between his two biological children ie our child together and his child from a previous marriage.

If DH dies first I inherit everything and when I die it’s split as above - my house to the child we have together and everything else 50/50.

This reflects that his child will also inherit a house from her mum etc so is an attempt to make both children equal. However his child from a previous marriage will always be the wealthier of the two.

each situation is different and nuanced.

Thanks all - I think we are going to agree a 75/25 split as I had a lot of equity in my property prior to meeting DH. My 75% will be split between my 4 DC (includes the one we have together) and his 25% will be split between his 3 DC so also includes the one we have together so our DC inherits from both parents the same as all the others will.

Appreciate all the advice, it’s been really helpful and eye opening.

My dad and step mum have split equally between all children. They have been married over 40 years since all children were early primary age and have spent more or less equal time with all children. I think that’s fair.

I however met my partner when my children were much older and I hadn’t spent that much time with his child. Therefore my money is for my children and his if for his.

what I would never consider is what the children will inherit from their other parent. That’s of no relevance to our family, it’s entirely separate, the idea is that our wills for our family reflect what we want to happen in isolation

All goes to my DC and DH has life rent of house. My DC were teenagers when we married and my mortgage was just about paid off. I feel they deserve that as life was so hard growing up with a single parent working full time and little money for nice things.

(DH does have another property he'd probably move into once I'm gone. )

My friend's mother died and left everything to her second husband. There was an 'expectation' that he would distribute money she brought to their marriage between my friend and her brothers.

However.... he said they'd already had enough out of him. He'd paid the mortgage and bills for the house they'd lived in as children and that was their lot. He'd been their step father for 30+ years. He gave them nothing.

You really can't trust anyone when it comes to large sums of money.

Dh and I have mirror wills, everything to each other and 50/50 to the kids, BUT we have a big standard family set up.
However I now want to get advice as dd’s partner has other children and they have a child together, (her step kids do have another involved parents), and I want to ensure that our assets go to our grandchild and not her step kids (who are lovely, but they’re not of my family line).
You just can’t sleepwalk into these things.