AIBU to think DH is selfish for putting off a 30-second favour

[TheBerry]

Yesterday, DH took a cute video of our DD. I asked if he could WhatsApp it to me and he said yes but not that second. Fine, whatever.

He also received a new piece of equipment yesterday which he uses for his hobby and potential side hussle, and also sometimes for his main job. He’s been spending time yesterday and today setting it up. There are no imminent deadlines that he needs it for - he’s just keen to get it working properly, which is fine and makes sense.

Today I asked him again twice if he could forward me the video. He said “not right now” again both times. I asked why not, since it would literally take 30 seconds. Click the video in gallery, click share, click on me in WhatsApp.

He said, “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’ve got a new [equipment].” I don’t even know what that means??? Like ok he’s spending time setting up this equipment but it’s not like he can’t take a few seconds to do anything else. He’s managed to take time out to play with DD, watch an hour of Netflix last night, etc. I’m literally asking for a 30 second favour.

It just stings because the other way around I would absolutely do what he was asking straight away. I would and I have! When he asks for my help with something my default is “yes, sure!” and I’ll take a few minutes to help him. Obviously it’s different if it’s a task that will take hours or something like that, but I’m just asking him to make like three clicks on his phone.

It’s not even about the video, it’s just so weird to me that he can’t make the effort to do this one tiny thing. I just don’t get it. But maybe I’ve missed something and IABU???

Does he have Adhd? Because this sounds like he can't focus on a task that isn't essential to him or urgent.

It comes over as though he is deliberately not sending you it just to upset you actually.

Ridiculous.

Could you not just use his phone and send it to yourself?

Stop helping him as soon as he asks. He thinks his time is important and his own, but yours isn't.

It isn’t about the video. It never is. You feel that you are being a partner to him and he isn’t to you. As a one-off, whatever, I can be DH’s admin because he doesn’t lovely things all the time for me! But I know so many women who do all the secretarial work and their DHs act too good for it all, and never do anything just for them.

Which one is your DH?

Oh bollocks to this . Autism and ADHD are not the answer to everything. He doesn't have to focus on it. This really is three clicks on his phone . He could have done it the very second she asked.

My OH is like this too. I now just take his phone and send them to me myself.

So why couldn’t you have borrowed his phone and do it? I often use my hubbies phone to do that, if he’s taken a photo and I want it…

Ask him for his password and forward it to yourself.

Then remember this the next time he asks for a favour.

I did ask this, and he said “I don’t have my phone with me right now” in a monotone. It was two rooms away in the office 🤷🏻♀️

So just go get it… this is such a non issue

You mean him or me? Tbh I’d feel a bit weird about going to get his phone and using it myself without him saying I could.

I was going to say exactly this.

Anyways, he's a knob.

No. Just a selfish man. And if he has ADHD, it’s a good learning opportunity.

Why don't you just take his phone and send it to yourself?

So why couldn’t you go and get it?

He sounds an arse and you too passive.

That’s some kind of defiance to repeated requests. I find it irritating to be asked to do something repeatedly and my chimp brain simply doesn’t allow me to complete the request if I’m asked more than twice

If you do the task quickly, people won’t have to keep asking you tho 😁

I'd be so unimpressed with this, yanbu OP.

My DH has ADHD so I do have to remind him regularly when he has said he will do something and quickly forgets and that can be a little irritating but understandable. But this is literally your DH saying "Not now... Not now...." That just feels like deliberately brushing you off.

Sorry, chimp says not now, later

Chimp is selfish arse.

Chimp will not be reasoned with either

He's put you at the bottom of the pecking order OP. I wouldn't be happy with that.

When I'm feeling stressed and overwhelmed those little demands that don't take long can feel huge! Especially if I don't really see the purpose or importance of the task. I wouldn't see much purpose or importance in sending a video to my DH that he has already seen.

Mine is like this and it’s so frustrating. Then he forgets and I ask him again. Then he’ll whinge cos I keep ‘nagging’ him.