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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How much could your DP/DH do after vasectomy?

87 replies

Hey12345 · 05/08/2025 18:41

DH had a vasectomy yesterday early afternoon. The non-invasive one (keyhole), we were in an out within an hour with the procedure itself only taking 15mins.

Yesterday he rested and I happily did everything with our children. Today he spent the whole day resting again which is fine, (although spent on his phone mostly), but this evening I asked if he could put pyjamas on our 3yo so I could shower because I stink (and could do with 5mins alone time) after a busy day at the park / on bikes / cooking with children, and he said he couldn’t.

Is this normal? How were your DP / DH’s after the non-invasive vasectomy?

OP posts:
chiefscoutsgoldaward · 05/08/2025 19:11

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/08/2025 18:51

DH is one who never complains about anything, never had man flu, tends towards not getting the help he’s needed because he hates to make a fuss and he was in absolute agony after his vasectomy a couple of years ago. He was pale and nearly gagging with the pain a day later, still using ice packs on his undercarriage two days later.

He was over it in a few days and it’s one of the best things he ever did but we were both really surprised by how rough the recovery was and knowing he’s usually hard as nails I gave him tea and sympathy when he needed it, as he’s always done for me.

Exactly the same for DH - he was knocked for six by the pain for about 3 days - he had to have two days off, then managed a half hearted day of wfh before he was anything like human again.

I'm not 100% he would have gone through with it if he had realised how bad the recovery was going to be - I have no idea if it was worse because he wasn't expecting it!

MrsLizzieDarcy · 05/08/2025 19:12

DH was very capable of saying "oooh" and "oouuuchhh" "it's so painful, you can't imagine". He had 24 hours of sympathy and then got both barrels.

Catdoorman · 05/08/2025 19:15

Ex husband had his early afternoon, rested up the rest of the day, back to work the next morning. Ex fil had his first thing in the morning, went back to work driving a bus after lunch.

ShowOfHands · 05/08/2025 19:19

DH had a bad reaction to his including severe bruising down his thighs, swelling and an infection. He took painkillers and resumed normal activities slowly despite this. I am all for acknowledging pain and encouraging rest but it doesn't sound like your dh has mentioned any pain whatsoever and you don't mention any struggling or complications. If he's seriously unable to supervise a child for a quarter of an hour, I'd ask him if he needs further medical advice.

Campingisnexttogodliness · 05/08/2025 19:20

We had sex the same night..
You have got yourself a true sap.

Parky04 · 05/08/2025 19:24

My DH was back in work in the afternoon and then played football 3 days later (he got smacked in the bollocks by the ball. No sympathy from me!).

North87 · 05/08/2025 19:25

Dh was back at work the next day, he was doing all the usual jobs at home the same day. We went on holiday about 3 days afterwards. He was still sore for about a week or so but it didn't stop him doing anything he usually would do.

Original poster
Hey12345 · 05/08/2025 19:46

NotEnoughRoom · 05/08/2025 18:46

Is your toddler particularly challenging at pyjama time? We had one that was a dream, and one that was like trying to get a cat into a wetsuit….

otherwise, I’d say he’s probably milking it?

www.nhs.uk/contraception/methods-of-contraception/vasectomy-male-sterilisation/recovery/

@NotEnoughRoom cat in a wetsuit 😅 that made me laugh, thank you! Well one is 7 so changes herself, the 3yo isn’t that challenging, physically anyway, is more of a “no” child, so takes some pearsuasing before she comes to get dressed!

OP posts:
jjeoreo · 05/08/2025 19:47

Hey12345 · 05/08/2025 18:41

DH had a vasectomy yesterday early afternoon. The non-invasive one (keyhole), we were in an out within an hour with the procedure itself only taking 15mins.

Yesterday he rested and I happily did everything with our children. Today he spent the whole day resting again which is fine, (although spent on his phone mostly), but this evening I asked if he could put pyjamas on our 3yo so I could shower because I stink (and could do with 5mins alone time) after a busy day at the park / on bikes / cooking with children, and he said he couldn’t.

Is this normal? How were your DP / DH’s after the non-invasive vasectomy?

He was absolutely fine. I think your husband may be malingering.

Original poster
Hey12345 · 05/08/2025 19:48

Mumofteenandtween · 05/08/2025 18:47

I don’t know about a vasectomy but 11 hours after major abdominal surgery that led to me losing over 2.5 pints of blood and my heartbeat slowing and blood pressure falling to such a level that the midwife was muttering about intensive care, I had recovered enough to be left to look after a newborn independently.

Occasionally I think about that and think “what the fuckity fuckity fuck?!?!”

I’ve been sympathetic but I had an emergency c-section and then was expected to be up and about with a newborn so it is difficult!

It’s one rule for women and another for men I feel. And we can’t complain if it’s us in pain, just got to get on with it, but we also can’t complain if they complain and need to lay around to heal!

OP posts:
Persephonegoddess · 05/08/2025 19:50

He’s being a baby and you need to give him MTFU pills

Rainbow1612 · 05/08/2025 19:51

Everyone is different but I'm willing to bet that he is milking it slightly.
My DH had a vasectomy in October. He took it easy for a few a days but was still capable of dressing our youngest, among other things such as loading the dishwasher etc.
He was back at work (office) the following morning.

He knows how much I went through having 2 c sections,I don't think he would dare try to compare it.

Original poster
Hey12345 · 05/08/2025 19:52

ellie09 · 05/08/2025 18:50

Of course he is ok.

Us females endure giving birth for hours on end, then are straight back to it caring for them whilst our holes have been ripped open, or some of us have had major surgery (c section).

I had a LLETZ where my cervix was burnt off which is more invasive that a vasectomy, and I rested the rest of the day, then was back to normal activities, e.g. work, chores, walking the dog etc the following morning! Yes, while I was heavy bleeding and cramping

Tell him to get a life. If this was my DP he would be getting a bollocking.

@ellie09 same. I had LLETZ 4 years ago, also cold coagulation before that, and an emergency c-section. I’ve kept quiet and have been supportive and sympathetic, but it’s been well over 24 hours now and I wonder how much longer he needs to lay around and heal!

OP posts:
Original poster
Hey12345 · 05/08/2025 19:54

ShesTheAlbatross · 05/08/2025 18:58

What’s he normally like?

If he’s normally a stoic and doesn’t make a fuss, I’d believe him. If he’s normally someone taking to his bed for a week because he sneezed once, then I wouldn’t.

But my DH was fine after his.

He’s the type that catches a cold/bug off me or the kids and is WAY worse.

OP posts:
unicornpower · 05/08/2025 19:54

Mine honestly had a terrible time he had two infections and the second one hospitalised him for a week, it’s rare but it was horrible. He may be milking it but also, keep an eye on it!

TheLongestPlaylist · 05/08/2025 19:57

Hey12345 · 05/08/2025 19:48

I’ve been sympathetic but I had an emergency c-section and then was expected to be up and about with a newborn so it is difficult!

It’s one rule for women and another for men I feel. And we can’t complain if it’s us in pain, just got to get on with it, but we also can’t complain if they complain and need to lay around to heal!

Show quote history

It sounds like you are in a crap relationship with a crap man. Why stay with a man that didn’t step up when you had just had a baby? Why can’t you complain if you’re in pain? If I tell my partner I’m in pain, he does what he can to make my life easier. It sounds like you think he is milking it so that he can be lazy and leave you to do everything, do you want to spend your life in that relationship. What a waste of your life.

BruFord · 05/08/2025 19:59

My DH lay on the sofa for three days with ice packs on his nether regions and couldn’t do anything, apparently. I suspect that he was milking it.

catsand · 05/08/2025 20:08

He’s being ridiculous. DH took paracetamol and carried on as normal.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 05/08/2025 20:11

@Hey12345 my hubby had a vasectomy 40 years ago. not keyhole! the weather that day was horrendous and buses were cancelled right, left and centre, so i volunteered to go and do a night shift because it was a straight run on a main road in the car (nurse). he looked after the baby and the older 4 year old. the next day he went off shooting pigeons!! nothing wrong with your dh apart from a bit of lazy bastarditis!!!

HoneyHoneyHowYouThrillMe · 05/08/2025 20:11

Much sympathy to the men that have really suffered.

I don't get the sense from the OP that this particular man is a particularly stoic character, since if he was, OP would be much more likely to give him the benefit of the doubt and probably wouldn't be asking the question!

Ah yes, that's been confirmed above.

Ponderingwindow · 05/08/2025 20:11

My husbands doctor made it pretty clear that the men who have complications are the ones who don’t follow the aftercare instructions. He was told to sit and do absolutely nothing for 3 days and that is precisely what he did. Excellent recovery with no problems.

it may all be a giant conspiracy, but I’m hardly going to begrudge someone who has genital surgery a few days on the sofa.

MsNevermore · 05/08/2025 20:12

I distinctly remember my dad coming home after his - back when it was a bit more invasive than it is these days.
He was hobbling about and not doing much for the first day, but he played a full 90-mins of 11-a-side football 3 days after it.

Laura95167 · 05/08/2025 20:13

I bet 48hrs after having DC you changed their little onesies...

Timeforabitofpeace · 05/08/2025 20:15

3 days rest then back to it.

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