Toddler doesn’t like hugs

ForLovingTealSheep · 2025-08-05T17:03:36+00:00

Anyone dealing with an unaffectionate 2.5 year old ( I have a girl ) who doesn’t like hugs , cuddles or being picked up ever . It is heartbreaking as a mother . Did it get better for any of you ? 🙂

Clumsycorvid · 05/08/2025 18:04

Never forced affection on my children and never will - they'll show love their own way.

Sirzy · 05/08/2025 18:05

You learn to show affection in a way that works for them. You don’t need hugs to show your love.

TryingToStayAwake88 · 05/08/2025 18:08

Id buy a great book called Don't Hug Doug and help your daughter to know its completely acceptable for her to decide what happens to her body

Lammveg · 05/08/2025 18:09

I can understand feeling sad about it but i agree you have to connect with them how they want to be connected with.

CurlewKate · 05/08/2025 18:10

One of my neices was like this. We just respected her choices-which was sooo hard! We used to sit with her, close but not touching, offer to share snacks- but incredibly low key, letting her get on with it. When she went to school she slowly changed, and now at 7 up for cuddles-but still on her terms!

StarlightRobot · 05/08/2025 18:11

My DD went through a phase of refusing hugs from everyone. We all respected that. She eventually forgot and is back to being affectionate. I would just give her the space she is requesting and let her come around in her own time. I think it’s healthy for kids to work out boundaries and seeing that respected is really empowering for them.

Anycrispsleft · 05/08/2025 18:12

My younger daughter was like that until she was 4, then she became really cuddly. I would agree with the PPs' advice - don't force it, learn how she likes to show affection and take your cues from her.

Original poster

ForLovingTealSheep · 05/08/2025 18:15

Thank you everybody 🙂 will definitely respect her space and boundaries it is just so sad when she says “ I don’t want to give you a hug 🙂↕️” she is very gentle and a caring with animals and her teddies .

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Noshadelamp · 05/08/2025 18:17

One of my dcs was like this. Once we picked up on it we taught her it was absolutely fine and she could change her mind at any time if she wanted.
She would often come and sit on our laps but didn't like arms around her or siblings leaning on her.
As she got older she started wanting the odd hug, and if she was upset I would ask her if she wanted a hug, it was about 50/50.

She was able to show her love in different ways such as making things for us with crafts, little notes and cards.

The main thing is to allow her the space without shaming her.

Btowngirl · 05/08/2025 18:22

Don’t know if I buy it but nursery say girls are less affectionate (we have 2 girls). Our DD is nearly 4 and only in the last few months got properly affectionate. The more you want the less they’ll give I think though!

Original poster

ForLovingTealSheep · 05/08/2025 18:29

Btowngirl · 05/08/2025 18:22

Don’t know if I buy it but nursery say girls are less affectionate (we have 2 girls). Our DD is nearly 4 and only in the last few months got properly affectionate. The more you want the less they’ll give I think though!

That’s so true I guess as a first time mum I have got to readjust my expectations by a lot 🤣🤣

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Groundhogday2025 · 05/08/2025 18:37

On the opposite of this, my 2.5 DD will not stop hugging or touching me, like EVER. I can’t leave a room, cook, clean or even go to the toilet (she’ll even come in and sit on my lap whilst I’m trying to do my business) without her clinging to my leg and wanting to be picked up. I do love her cuddles and know it’s not forever and I’ll miss them one day but at the same time… I’m the definition of touched out by the end of the day.

I’m more like your DD myself and like physical affection on my terms, so it’s been a big learning curve to learn how to parent in a way that’s opposite to my instincts. But I think I’m all the better a mum for it as it pushes me outside of my comfort zone and to get creative in our interactions for both our benefits.

It may feel disheartening sometimes but it’s the same for you. You have a DD who challenges you to see the world differently and connect in different ways. It’ll benefit your relationship no end in the future.

Original poster

ForLovingTealSheep · 05/08/2025 18:51

Groundhogday2025 · 05/08/2025 18:37

On the opposite of this, my 2.5 DD will not stop hugging or touching me, like EVER. I can’t leave a room, cook, clean or even go to the toilet (she’ll even come in and sit on my lap whilst I’m trying to do my business) without her clinging to my leg and wanting to be picked up. I do love her cuddles and know it’s not forever and I’ll miss them one day but at the same time… I’m the definition of touched out by the end of the day.

I’m more like your DD myself and like physical affection on my terms, so it’s been a big learning curve to learn how to parent in a way that’s opposite to my instincts. But I think I’m all the better a mum for it as it pushes me outside of my comfort zone and to get creative in our interactions for both our benefits.

It may feel disheartening sometimes but it’s the same for you. You have a DD who challenges you to see the world differently and connect in different ways. It’ll benefit your relationship no end in the future.

Lucky you z☺️😞

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BeWittyRobin · 05/08/2025 19:14

I’ve huggers and one that has never liked them. Tbh I’m not a hugger only for my kids and hubby 🙈. She sounds like my daughter she was never a hugger she is now 16 and still not a hugger. And actually she’s already my best friend, we are very close despite only being able to count on one hand the amount of times we’ve hugged 🙈😂. In fact she once wrote a Mother’s Day poem at school for me when she was about 8 and one line was “I love how you don’t give me hugs” the teacher if they didn’t know me well and didn’t know her so well would have thought she was a neglected child 🙈😂. So she will be grateful you respecting her hugging boundaries. Like I say I’m not a hugger and I know at 39 it kills my mum because she’s a hugger she’s always there when I pop in and can see in her face she is longing for me to just give her a hug and I just walk past her 🤷🏻♀️ some people are huggers others are not. I can imagine it hurts though.

ScurryHurry · 05/08/2025 19:21

My 21 year old Dd1 has always been like this, it is hard when you're a cuddly tactile person yourself not to take offence a little, but she shows affection and love in her own ways and I've learnt to accept that it's just the way she is.

Groundhogday2025 · 05/08/2025 19:56

ForLovingTealSheep · 05/08/2025 18:51

Lucky you z☺️😞

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No, lucky you! 🤣🤦♀️ I guess it’s like curly hair or straight hair, you always want what you haven’t got 🤣

Buiderswoe · 05/08/2025 20:05

My eldest DD was not a hugger…as a baby i would feed her then when she had enough would stretch out her arms and legs as if to say…”right…enough…I’ve had my milk…get off me!” and grouch until I put her down! I was gutted. She was not remotely interested in cuddles. She’s now 10 and loves a cuddle …initiates them frequently and will snuggle in beside me on the sofa. She started doing this around 7 or 8. My second DD was a koala the minute she was born so I got my fix of baby hugs in the end.
she may well come around to it when she’s older. I can sympathise though! I remember being really upset at the time

GiantTeddyIsTired · 05/08/2025 20:08

Oh my eldest (and to a certain extent due to copying, his little brother)

He was not a hugger. BUT, as he approached teen-hood, he became a pat-er (just comes up, says 'pat pat' and pats my arm/shoulder), and an occasional leaner (against me on the sofa). He's 14 and will occasionally hug me now, but it's generally a side hug rather than a full on proper hug (and he's a good 4 inches taller than me, so perhaps it's that he doesn't feel muffled by it any more)

My youngest as a young tween started demanding hugs, and bed-time face-strokes, but it's always entirely on his terms.

Original poster

ForLovingTealSheep · 05/08/2025 20:10

Buiderswoe · 05/08/2025 20:05

My eldest DD was not a hugger…as a baby i would feed her then when she had enough would stretch out her arms and legs as if to say…”right…enough…I’ve had my milk…get off me!” and grouch until I put her down! I was gutted. She was not remotely interested in cuddles. She’s now 10 and loves a cuddle …initiates them frequently and will snuggle in beside me on the sofa. She started doing this around 7 or 8. My second DD was a koala the minute she was born so I got my fix of baby hugs in the end.
she may well come around to it when she’s older. I can sympathise though! I remember being really upset at the time

I love this story .. I know it makes no sense but I am the “ bad cop “ parent in the relationship 🤣 my husband , bless him , loves her to bits and can’t bring himself to be too firm . Once she threw her bowl of food on the floor and my husband said “ stop it “ in a firm voice and she started crying desperately, that night my husband didn’t eat for guilt 🤣🤣.

That’s to say she asks for kisses from him and when they are both out she “ hugs “ him

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Astrak · 05/08/2025 20:17

I've hated being hugged all my life., I can just about deal with it if I think that the other person needs to initiate the hug, but otherwise - nooo!

BookArt55 · 05/08/2025 21:05

Have we got the same daughter? 😄 🤣 my DD is now 3, and in the last two weeks has had a massive change with me. She wants to hold my hand, cuddle, giving me kisses all the time, wants to even moisturise my face even 🤣
Before she would growl, run away, wipe kisses off, scream if anyone didn't listen while being silly with her (her brother for one).

BUT... I went wjth it. She said no. I backed her up. Because consent it important, yes I am talking to my kids about it. But also, when she growled at me I just remembered that she will one day be a strong individual who won't people please like I did, and I am already so incredible proud of her.

Today a friendly shop worker who had been helping us asked if he could be her friend and put a hand out to highfive. She firmly said no, turned and walked, I mean she strutted, away very proud of herself. I sometimes do get a little embarrassed, but this will all be for her benefit one day 😄 🤣 she's the kindest, sweetest person with her big brother and teddies. He is a labrador, constantly touching me, she is my cat and I love it.

Original poster

ForLovingTealSheep · 05/08/2025 21:08

BookArt55 · 05/08/2025 21:05

Have we got the same daughter? 😄 🤣 my DD is now 3, and in the last two weeks has had a massive change with me. She wants to hold my hand, cuddle, giving me kisses all the time, wants to even moisturise my face even 🤣
Before she would growl, run away, wipe kisses off, scream if anyone didn't listen while being silly with her (her brother for one).

BUT... I went wjth it. She said no. I backed her up. Because consent it important, yes I am talking to my kids about it. But also, when she growled at me I just remembered that she will one day be a strong individual who won't people please like I did, and I am already so incredible proud of her.

Today a friendly shop worker who had been helping us asked if he could be her friend and put a hand out to highfive. She firmly said no, turned and walked, I mean she strutted, away very proud of herself. I sometimes do get a little embarrassed, but this will all be for her benefit one day 😄 🤣 she's the kindest, sweetest person with her big brother and teddies. He is a labrador, constantly touching me, she is my cat and I love it.

Once again these stories are warming my heart and give me a little secret hope that one day I will get some cuddles . I am not gonna lie I am struggling with it as a mom of a strong willed girl

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BookArt55 · 05/08/2025 21:14

ForLovingTealSheep · 05/08/2025 21:08

Once again these stories are warming my heart and give me a little secret hope that one day I will get some cuddles . I am not gonna lie I am struggling with it as a mom of a strong willed girl

Show quote history

Strong willed children are a challenge... and an opportunity. Every small thing that shows she loves you will be a massive thing for you, whereas another mum out there who has the clingy kid who won't ever get off them will find themselves all touched out and struggling in a different way.

But when she's a teenager and adult, you know she won't be afraid to say no, to voice her opinion, she won't do things just to not cause conflict.

In the meantime we need to hold on for dear life... because this is a roller coaster ride! And our young, determined, oppinionated daughters are driving it!

familyissues12345 · 05/08/2025 21:24

My DS2 has never liked physical touch, we’re currently going through ASD assessments

Original poster

ForLovingTealSheep · 05/08/2025 21:27

familyissues12345 · 05/08/2025 21:24

My DS2 has never liked physical touch, we’re currently going through ASD assessments

Well she likes physical touch and she can snuggle with me with a book or look at pictures ..

i don't think that one trait means asd ..

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