Professionally successful women who give up their senior roles to parent (thinking of Kate Forbes but the rest too)

[Fragmentedbrain]

I don't think children are really grateful for this in the long run - they lose a lot of potential connections for later life, not to mention added money and role modeling.

Aibu to think it's a mistake if it's a sacrifice?

(If you hate your job and just want to pack it in anyway that's a different thing)

Totally agree

Depends how successful you mean. I had a good professional job but the cost of nursery meant I couldn’t work after my second child until eldest started school.

Money was tight but it genuinely was the best thing for me and my kids, those years with them pre school you don’t get back, they are very special.

Only now my eldest is 13, have I gone back 5 days a week, I’ve spent years doing 3-4 days or term time only, twisting myself in knots trying to work and be available for the kids school events/school runs/illness etc etc

I’ve missed so many promotional opportunities and I see people I graduated with, with far better careers but hand on heart I’m happy to have been there for my DC and don’t envy people who have to use breakfast clubs and childminders and run themselves into the ground, rushing and paying for everything.

I think that both my DC appreciate me being available to them, they see a stark contrast between me and their dad’s availability so perhaps this makes them feel more grateful I’m not sure.

wouldn’t change it anyway.

Perfectly valid choice. I gave up a professional career in London to stay at home with my children. Never regretted it and it made things a hell of a lot easier logistically with school runs, holidays etc.

I don't think women who give up who do this do it because they expect their children to be " grateful".
They do it because they think it's the best thing for their children, because they want to enjoy spending more time with their children and a myriad of other reasons.

In the case of Kate Forbes I wouldn't take her reason for standing down at face value. " Spending more time with my family" is a pretty standard resignation reason for male politicians. It is usually used as a cover for the real reason. And i wouldn't be at all surprised if this was the case for Kate Forbes.

I think being at home for your kids as much as you can is absolutely the best job in the world.

Yes I'm old fashioned and was lucky enough to be able to do this until the youngest was 11.

I don't think it's a mistake at all, at least it wasn't for me. I was a SAHM for 8 years while my children were young, gave up a good career and don't think it has been anything other than positive. My children never had to go to nursery, breakfast or after school club, I was able to attend every assembly, sports day etc. I was able to be very present in those very early years, it was a huge blessing.
Now they're older I'm back working part time and love it. Great job earning more than I did before, so interesting and get to work with some great people.

All in all,, definitely a good move for us.

Grateful? I really think the kind of perspective is only possible as a much older adult. My husband is incredibly grateful his mam was the mother she was to him and his sibling, but he’d never have felt that as a child. He’s a parent now and he understands the sacrifice she made and feels very lucky.

Sometimes it’s not a real choice though. I had to give up furthering my professional career because I became a lone parent and even with a nanny things would have been impossible - ultimately I could not stay in the office until 10 pm etc.

Kate forbes works in Edinburgh as deputy first minister her constituency is 5 hours away ,which she does visit she will probably live in Edinburgh during the week she is probably exhausted from having to do it all and wants to be there for her child good for her.

Kate Forbes is a bad example - she's getting out whilst the going is good.

Female politicians get an incredible amount of abuse and hatred online and in person, Ms Forbes probably decided that she didn't want that coming to her home and children. And they will be grateful for that.

She will have made and will keep the contacts that she wants to and will probably move into a role that is more out of the public gaze and blame.

Professional women won't give up careers just on a whim it will be a considered process, with many different reasons pros and cons. For some it will be the best decision ever made, some a disaster. Most will be a combination of both.

Women, in particular mothers, in public serving roles cannot just get on with the job at the moment can they? Every decision is analysed.

I am childfree by choice but from what I observe children want time, fun, affection, attention, a happy routine, education and a safe, cosy home not "potential connections for later life and money."

It's up to the individual of course but your point OP seems based on the 'cost of everything and value of nothing' principle.

My mum's dead now and I wouldn't swap a moment of the time I had with her for an address book of contacts or cash.

I gave up a six-figure salary to be a SAHM when my children were little. My DH also had a stressful job, so they would have been in childcare not just full time 9-5 every day but a lot more than that as we both worked long hours (I guess we'd have had to get a nanny). It's hard for me to see that would have been best for them (or me).

I went back to work when my youngest started school. I've never matched my previous salary, but I have an interesting fulfilling professional job and an excellent relationship with my DC who are now teens. No regrets here.

I think that every family is different and both parents working full time can also be the right decision.

It’s not just a one way street of the child being grateful. It’s a very personal choice.
The mother might feel a huge emotional pull to do this because she wants to.

I recently had a promotion but I was very cautious of it not impacting on the time I get to spend with my child.
I have always said to DH, the day we both have to put our child in childcare 8-6pm is the day one of us steps down.

I know it’s not always that simple but like I said it’s a very personal choice so no judgement from me.

Op why don't you think children are grateful, do you think adults should be permanently grateful to their parents?

I was a SAHM when my children were small - we had 5 and the cost of childcare would have been astronomical! I never expected them to be grateful - I was grateful that I got to spend that time with them. DH worked away a lot so I was doing Mon-Fri on my own most of the time - I loved being able to take them to school/nursery, pick them up, go to the park, have friends to tea, take them to after school activities, go to their assemblies/harvest/nativities etc and helped in their school a lot. I went back to work when my youngest went to school and worked term time which was a juggling act but I enjoyed my job and it meant being home with them in the holidays. It worked for our family, it's not for everyone and that's fine.

Working mums stay hating on SAHMs. Get a grip and do something with your life.

I didn’t do that but stayed in a high paying career. My DC seem to have worked out ok - plus I have been able to support them financially in many many ways including buying their first homes for them. Neither is money-obsessed and both are incredibly aware of their good fortune. However my DS does say he’d rather have a wife who wants to SAH as he’s seen the complexities of both parents working FT.

I think YABU.

The my priority in life is my kids. If me giving up work would help them- I would do it.

They say the best way to ensure the next generation is educated is if their mum is educated.

I don't think most people do it expecting gratitude - more about wanting to enjoy your childrens younger years?

Jobs like that are such a slog, alongside motherhood, maybe it's just too much after a while.

I'm doing more good when I'm at home with my kids than any job.

I dont think women should be afraid to say they enjoy being home with their kids. It's a valid choice and can be very beneficial for their famil.

It's just unfortunate that the contribution of women has been looked down upon so much that you are only thought to be contributing if you're working.

Women are frequently expected to care for kids. Do work. And housework. Obviously there are those unicorn men who may do their equal share but it's not wrong to say most of it falls to women. And unfortunately the work that they do- caring for kids, caring for elderly relatives, cooking, housework isn't valued.
It's only if they're working that they are thought to be contributing.

You can see the effect in the community now that more women go to work. High childcare costs. Care home costs etc.

I'm glad women have the choice now. And any woman who decides they would rather use their skills to care for and help educate their kids shouldn't be thought of giving up on opportunities and letting themselves down.

Yes, because successful business women aren't normally married to successful men who will also provide money and contacts for grown up kids who will be equally ungrateful (who expects gratitude for this??)

And as if they won't eventually return to successful jobs after if they wish.

Kate Forbes learned very clearly from her last run as leader of the SNP that, rightly or wrongly, her personal beliefs put a real ceiling on her political progression. I'm not surprised she has decided she doesn't want to seek re-election. I think she'll probably get a new, probably better remunerated, job rather than become a SAHM.

Having an active, motovated and educated mother is worth her weight in gold for young kids.

As exampled here.

Best decision I ever made and have no regrets. Loved being at home with my children. Yes we made sacrifices but they were worth it. Both my husband and I firmly believe that two parents cannot have careers working long hours, and young children and children benefit from having a stay at home parent. Are my sons grateful, not sure and tbh I don’t expect them to be as all they know is me being there for them. What I do know is they remember me being there for them, that itself is priceless.