To quit and become a lady of leisure?

[MrTiddlesTheCat]

I've been signed off sick since April and have another 3 weeks to go. I don't want to go back. I just want to stay home, potter about in my garden and recharge my batteries. I'm just done with adulting. DH earns enough to cover the bills. My part-time income covers treats. I don't care about treats anymore. I just want quiet solitude, where DH is at work, DS is at school, and I get to do nothing, all by myself.

The background, I was signed off in April following my breast cancer diagnosis. I've just finished radiotherapy and have 5 years of hormone therapy to get through. I just want to rest.

AIBU to take 6 months of unpaid leave while I contemplate where I go from here?

Do it

Given your diagnosis and treatment, I think YANBU.

As long as your DH doesn't mind being the sole earner while you're at home pottering and contemplating then bloody well go for it. Life's short.

Six months of decompressing and decided your next step sounds absolutely blissful.

Sorry you’re going through this. The only thing I’d say is just because you don’t care about treats anymore doesn’t mean your DH/DS would be happy to go without them- speak to your husband of course and if he’s happy with that then I’d do it provided it is financially doable. Give yourself some breathing space, but not if it’s going to add financial stress because then you are just swapping one stress for another.

Definitely do it.

Friend took a couple of years career break after finishing her treatment. Recharge, spend more time with kids etc

Do it.

Wishing you nothing but the best with your treatment going forward

Completely understandable. You have more treatment and even without that, healing and recovering takes waaay more time than we ever imagine.

I did it, took ill had a long time recovery and then realised I just didn't want to go back to work - so stopped

Lasted about a year, then I found myself a part time very casual job, and have worked part time ever since

Sometimes you need to step back and give yourself time

If your DH is ok with it , if you can afford it, go for it

If your DH is ok with it, and you both agree you can afford it, defo do it.

Life's too short. Definitely do it 👍

Do it!
but before you make final decisions - what rights or benefits do you have through your workplace?
bonus, medical insurance, life insurance, critical illness over, holiday pay, pension contributions etc. these are worth considering.
could you take a bit longer off work whilst remaining employed?
If you think you might want to go back to work at some point in the future it’s worth considering asking for a sabbatical. It’s hard to find a job, even more so when you’re not employed.

Just make sure you would be financially secure if your marriage broke down.

Do it! I hope your treatment goes well x

Do it. I am thinking of the same.

It may be unpaid but I think you should get signed off sick for longer.

You may have physically recovered from the BC but the emotional toll takes longer.

Then in 6 months time you’ll have a clearer view of what you want from life.

But if it’s not to work and your family can manage this then that’s fine

Is your DH happy being sole earner and no more treats?

Mumsnet can't help you here. It's up to your partner.

YANBU to want to. It sounds just want you need to recover.

YABU if you decide to do it without proper discussion and agreement with your DH on how the family finances will be managed without your income.

Otherwise you’ll be in the same position as the current ‘AIBU to expect my DP to pay more of the mortgage’ poster who took a lower paid job without his support and now resentment is breeding in the relationship due to the imbalance.

Another one asking what your husband thinks.
Unilaterally deciding to give up being an adult and pushing all the responsibility on to somebody else isn't necessarily a healthy thing to do for the marriage.

YANBU to want it - start drawing up a plan.

I was going to say unreasonable but then I read that you had had breast cancer and were still receiving hormonal treatment. I think unpaid leave or extending you sick leave would be great idea given what you have gone through over the last few months.
I wouldn't leave just yet only because you have been through a lot which could affect your decision making and you may want to return to work again when life is more settled.

Have you discussed with your HR department what your options are? Could you get signed off for longer? Even if you don't get sick pay, there might be some benefits such as death in service. When I was signed off following cancer, I received some sick pay for six months, then what I wasn't previously aware of is that my employers had an insurance policy that paid me out something each month whilst I was still recovering and undergoing treatment. (Not as much as sick pay, but every little helped). This continued to pay out for a few months until I reached state pension age.

I wish you a good recovery.

Given your diagnosis I don’t think you would be unreasonable to take some time out, BUT it needs to be a joint decision between you and DH. You’re happy to go without treats, but is he and the rest of the household? Is he happy to be the sole earner?

I’m another one who thinks you should speak to your HR dept and find out what benefits there may be which you may not have realised.

Thank you everyone. I know DH will fully support me whatever I decide. He's said as much many times.

I think my issue is as a PP said, psychologically I haven't recovered. I could easily get signed off sick again and I would get paid. But I don't want to be signed off sick. And Im crying and can't quite put into words why. I don't want to be the person who's off sick because of cancer. I want to be free from the label and pressure. I just want to be me. I know, it makes no sense to me either.

I think you need to prioritise yourself right now.