To call acquaintance out for lying about background?

[Tarakano]

I have an acquaintance/friend who it turns out, has been lying about their background. This wouldn’t matter but for the fact this friend consistently looks down their nose at others, even me, for coming from a regular background.

Friend had told me they grew up in rural Sussex “a the family home” and attended a local private day school because her father couldn’t stand him boarding (like he had done).

I found out, through a chance encounter with someone who went to her school, that actually she grew up in outer London/Essex - near Woodford. She also went to the bog standard local comprehensive school. Her parents only moved to Sussex when she went to uni, and live in a new build bungalow (so not “family home” in the sense they wanted me to see).

AIBU to tell friend I met their old school mate and we realised we both knew you?

I wouldn't bother. I would just fade her out.
What would've the point of letting her know that you know?

If you want to have a little fun, you could say that your friend is planning to move to the town/village that she went to. You are visiting their this weekend to look at houses and can she give you more information about her old school/area etc

The thing is with liars is that they are not to be trusted.

Still, it would be interesting for you to see how she reacts when you mention that you ran into an old school chum of hers. I would wager that she drops you like a hot stone.

Mention it.
Otherwise you have years of grinding your teeth ahead.

Depends do you see this person regularly? I’d wait until next time they are making a judgy comment and say “oh that reminds me so so from x school mentioned they knew you and said to say hi”

I wouldn’t call them out as such but by saying you met someone they know would have the same effect, I’d imagine they’d be horrified, or maybe if they are really that bad they could double down.
Then if you can stay well clear from them

I couldn’t be arsed. There’s a reason they have made up a whole new background. The only thing I’ve learned in life is that you never know what someone has been through. Let them live their fantasy. If they are sneers about others, there are obviously some issues in their past.

Does it harm you?

If you don’t like it, fade out the friendship. But I wouldn’t go calling them out on it.

You describe them as an acquaintance/friend so they are obviously not a big part of your life.

If you are honest with yourself you want to tell them you know the truth to bring them down a peg or two because of how you have felt judged and wanting by them.

Do not allow an insecure liar to turn you into a bitter, spiteful person. Leave well alone and minimise your contact with them.

Yeh same as others have said, wait for them to double down again and then bring it up in a “it’s so weird you say that as I saw X and they said….” Their reaction will tell you everything.

Then just fade the friendship

Good advice.

What do you want to gain from this?

They've got their reasons, you don't need to stir up drama.

Ha! What a pleb!

I'd definitely be mentioning the mutual friend and how she mentioned a school reunion and watch her squirm 🤣🤣

Then distance myself.

Theres this whole philosophy of "let them" but its leading to a lot of people getting away with very poor behaviour with no consequence! My philosophy is that you should "let them know" their behaviour is poor and its not acceptable.

I would say you come across as having more issues than them, but i dont know what the issue with the family home comment is, are you ashamed of your background as this is how ot comes across or you have major chips on your shoulder about something

I dont get them but it is their business and you come across a tad immature to be perfectly honest

I find it really odd that you were talking about some random acquaintance with someone you just met. Do you often talk about other people like that? I just can't work out why you'd be talking about someone you don't know that well with someone else you don't know that well unless you're a persistent gossip, in which case maybe the acquaintance got the measure of you and fed you a load of bull to mess with you.

I can see how this might have come up though - it could have been they said they were from town X and OP said “oh I have a friend that grew up there” or OP said they work for company Y and the person said they used to go to school with someone who works there and asks if they’re still there/do they know them.

its not a stretch to see how it could have naturally come up.

Thanks! Yes, not at all an odd thing to come up in conversation. I mentioned which company I worked for and she said she knew someone working for the same company.

What was that?^

As it’s a work colleague, I think I’d discreetly mention that I’d spoken to your mutual acquaintance and that she’d said that they’d gone to bog standard school together. Very odd for her to lie.

I'd say something, I can't stand lies.

Yeah call her out. I have an Irish friend who refers to the family home she grew up in as her ancestral home. It was three bed bungalow in a suburb of Cork.

Surely that was just a joke? A mismatch of your senses of humour maybe.

No it wasn't a joke.

Why are you remotely bothered where they say they grew up?

Because she looks down her nose at those who went to state schools, have both parents who work, those who don’t like fine wines, those who go on package holidays.