Refusing to do me a favour

[Isthisnormalbehavuohr]

Have a complicated relationship with my sibling. We see each other a lot but there’s a real attitude there of, I won’t help you out if you need me.

I recently asked to borrow their phone charger when we were staying in the same place (I didn’t have mine) and they said no. Fast forward, a few days ago, they asked me. It pained me to say it but no. I just don’t get why you would go through life being this hostile to people? I would never do that and I know for a fact they would lend it to everyone else, just not me.

there is no backstory. We have similar financial situations, I don’t steal from them (!), I don’t break things…

Today they wanted to buy a big issue and I only had my credit card on me. We were going to dinner. I suggested they pay £10 instead of £5 and take a fiver out for me. I could either transfer it back on the spot via internet banking or we could deduct it from the dinner bill. They said no and that they were annoyed with me for not bringing out a debit card (why? I rarely use or need cash) and then condescendingly added that the big issue wasn’t a charity and I should by my own copy. I mentioned again that I just wanted the guy to get £10 and again they said no.

AIBU to be completely confused and annoyed by this behaviour? It has really taken the wind out of my sails and feels very hostile.

Fuck that. Life is too short to be surrounded by such a drain. It does beg the question as to why you spend so much time with such a person. Just because youre siblings doesn't mean you have to spend so much time together.
If there is this much crap between you, what do honestly get from this? What do you speak about over dinner?

Ive had strangers offer me a phone charger before so I cant fathom how your sibling could be so petty.

Have you ever considered going no contact?

That’s very weird behaviour for a sibling it sounds like they really don’t like or respect you. it’s not exactly a big favour borrowing a charger do you want to be around them? I couldn’t stand it to be honest I wouldn’t even have friends like this never mind siblings something really odd about them.

Are you always asking to borrow things or asking them to do things for you though? That gets quite tiring as you're basically dumping a mental load on them that you should take care of yourself. You're an adult who should have your own charger. How would you pay for anything if your card didn't work and you have no cash or debit card on you?

I too got the feeling that the OP was probably quite demanding.

However, she could have lent you her phone charger for 10 minutes.

I don’t understand the big issue/dinner scenario at all.

Why didn’t they want to lend you a phone charger? Why did you then refuse to lend them yours?

the whole thing sounds odd.

Do you often forget things or ask for favours?

The phone charger refusal is bizarre. I've lent them to complete strangers before when we've both been in a waiting room and their phone was about to die.

This doesn't sound like someone you should be spending time with and vice versa for them.

If my sibling was this petty, I wouldn't be spending so much time with them!

No im not always asking for things. As I say, they frequently ask me for things and in response I just say no. There have been so many examples of this. During lockdown we went for a walk and I didn’t bring money. They bought themselves an ice cream and wouldn’t buy me one. Fast forward a few weeks later, same situation reversed. They cried when I wouldn’t buy them something. It’s petty meanness.

@FloofyBird i had Apple pay and a physical credit card but no debit card.

Has your sibling always been like this? I could understand if they were always self sufficient but you do say that your sibling asked to borrow your charger and you reluctantly said no so how do they justify asking you to do something that they would never do? I'm also wondering if they're jealous of you and refusing you a favour somehow makes them feel better? Is this your only sibling? If not, could you ask your other siblings what's going on?

I'm also wondering why you spend time with someone who, it seems, wouldn't spit on you if you were on fire but will help out anyone except you?

But if they were the ones wanting to buy a big issue why did it matter that you had your credit card? You weren’t part of the equation. They wanted a big issue = they pay for it

Yes, I don't get this bit at all.

OP, do you live together? Just wondering why you spend so much time with them otherwise.

It's not a healthy relationship by the sound of it, so my suggestion is to back off and be less available and do fewer things with them.

I asked them to put in an extra £5 from me but didn’t have cash. I offered to bank transfer or pay more at the meal to compensate them. They said no.

no we don’t live together

@Isthisnormalbehavuohr
Why do you spend so much time with your siblings though?
How old are you both?
What are your situations?

You say you dont live together but I couldn't fathom spending so much time with such an awkward twat, related or not!

But yet here you are, not living with said sibling but yet still going out for dinner with them and worse, going away with them for a weekend!

The buying of The Big Issue, well, thats on you, you just should have said you dont have the cash, that was fairly simple.

why do you even see each other? just let the "relationship" fade.

Just because you are related, you don't have to see them.

Odd as fuck. But you're now saying no to your sibling? This seems really hostile on both your parts.

I'm not close to my sibling, but I know they wouldn't refuse to let me use their charger or similar.

Tell them their behaviour's strange and ask why the hell they do it.

I’m saying no because maybe it’ll have an impact… I can’t keep being a walkover…

it's confusing because you talk as though your sibling is UR for not doing you a favour, but you always say no to sibling.

So - in your eyes, why SHOULD sibling do you any favours at all?

You both sound incredibly petty.

Well this is pathetic and embarrassing. I’m assuming you are both very young or under 20.

Squabbling about ice cream, magazine and a charger - doesn’t this seem ridiculous to you op?

Have you got trapped in a cycle where A says no to B, because B said no to A last week and so you end up in some silly sort of tit for tat? Also, take a debit card out with you/have one enabled on your phone!

Cried because you wouldn’t buy them ice cream but refused to buy you one previously? This all sounds incredibly petty. Dunno why you hang out together.

You both sound like teenagers.

If you have an issue with them saying no to you constantly where do you think you’re going to get with them by saying no whenever they ask you for something?

Take the opportunity when they ask to say “X it’s a shame that when I ask you for something you always say no, do you not think maybe if you were more generous/considerate I would be the same to you.”