Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Having house guests when you're away

42 replies

Oshunokay · 03/08/2025 09:07

We are away for a couple of weeks and some friends of DP have asked if they can stay for a few days.

I am typically a very hospitable person, people often stay and are welcomed. But I have a weird thing about not wanting people to stay when I'm away.

I know it's a control thing, I'm also very house proud, but it's just how I am. I definitely couldn't bear people sleeping in our bed.

But I know DH is unhappy with me about it. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

ScrambledEggs12 · 03/08/2025 09:10

I wouldn't want people staying in my house when I was away. Only exceptions being close family or very close friend.

StellaRiver · 03/08/2025 09:10

I wouldn’t. What’s their reasoning?

JohnLapsleyParlabane · 03/08/2025 09:11

If planned and arranged before I go away, maybe. But not if I'm already away

Dheops · 03/08/2025 09:11

For my husband and I this would be very simple. It's our home. If either of us is not happy with them staying, they don't.

It's got nothing to do with my opinion vs his opinion or whether anyone is being unreasonable, it is simply if anyone is uncomfortable with it then then other one respects that IYSWIM.

Original poster

Oshunokay · 03/08/2025 09:12

I just don't like feeling uncomfortable. it makes me feel ungenerous, unreasonable, untrusting - and none of those things are true.

OP posts:

Katflapkit · 03/08/2025 09:12

Say no, use your insurance small print as an excuse. But say, you would love to see them 'we'll arrange something when we get back'

MyOliveStork · 03/08/2025 09:15

No Way!!!!
No one is staying in MY house when I’m not there. It isn’t an AirB&B or a bloody self catering stay. No no no!
Even family might make me feel uncomfortable (depending on which ones) but friends of DH (how well do YOU know them?) definitely not.
You are most definitely not being unreasonable. Show your DH the results of the poll!!!!!!!!

ayepecking · 03/08/2025 09:16

Bit rude of them to ask you IMO. Why wouldn't they just go in to a B&B or hotel?

We previously invited friends to stay in our house when we were away for a long holiday (500 miles between us) but it was quite a palaver and I wouldn't do it again. Difference though is that we invited them.

Original poster

Oshunokay · 03/08/2025 09:18

I know them very well

OP posts:

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 03/08/2025 09:18

Only happened once, when Singaporean SiL and her dds wanted to stay for a few nights while we were away.

I get on fine with them, but certainly didn’t relish the idea of having to blitz the house before we left, and leave all the beds made up. SiL was used to having maids to do all the housework, so used to everything being pristine all the time. And absolutely pristine, I must admit, is not the usual state of our house - comfortably lived-in is what I’d call it, and usual guests have often said they feel very comfortable here.

It was all fine, though - they were still there when we returned and SiL cooked us a nice dinner.
I’m not in a hurry to repeat it, though!

PS, should add, I wasn’t worried about any ‘nosing’. SiL actually apologised for having gone into our bedroom to turn off the radio alarm - still set for some unearthly hour when we’d had to leave for the airport!

Original poster

Oshunokay · 03/08/2025 09:20

They aren't rude, I don't want to be outing, but this thread isn't about them being pushy or unreasonable, at all.

It's about me trying to work out why I have this reaction - and if I need to just attempt to tackle it and be welcoming

OP posts:

Katflapkit · 03/08/2025 09:27

You don't have to question your own reaction. You haven't caused it. They have caused it by asking. It makes you feel uncomfortable - you don't like people staying sleeping in your bed. It's all perfectly reasonable, don't second guess yourself.

Upthread I said use insurance small print as an excuse. If you don't like that then use the Mumsnet classic response 'No, that doesn't work for me'

Fountofwisdom · 03/08/2025 09:41

I wouldn’t want people staying in my home when I was away. Certainly not sleeping in my bed, and I’d also worry about them poking about in drawers, etc. There’s an obvious risk to your privacy.

I did let my sister stay in my home for a few days when I was away, as she’s close family and it would have felt mean to say no, but she can be quite careless with things, so I was worried all the time about her losing her keys or leaving the grill on, as she has form for being accident-prone. I didn’t like feeling that way and couldn’t relax properly. I wouldn’t do it again, even though we get on very well.

Tagyoureit · 03/08/2025 09:42

Letting others besides my own dad stay in my house is not a thing I'd do. He will occasionally sleep my ds's room and ds will happily take the airbed in his room.

I dont have the room for guests, no guest room, I dont like the idea of others sleeping in my bed.

I dont think its a bad thing, its not for me and I would never dream of asking someone else to stay in their house whilst they're away.

Praying4Peace · 03/08/2025 09:49

Oshunokay · 03/08/2025 09:18

I know them very well

You have to go with what you are comfortable with OP and there will be differing views on this. None of them are wrong.
I am OK with close family staying and close friends although the situation with friends has never arisen

Original poster

Oshunokay · 03/08/2025 09:55

Thanks. I don't know! I keep moving between answers...

OP posts:

indoorplantqueen · 03/08/2025 10:22

I wouldn’t have anyone stay in my house if I was not there.

OakAshRowan · 03/08/2025 10:23

To give another perspective, I actually find it reassuring knowing our house won't be left empty while we are away.

Fountofwisdom · 03/08/2025 12:24

It’s totally natural to feel territorial about your own home. Myself and 2 of my neighbours have a set of keys for each other for use in emergency, which I’m fine with. Last year when I went on holiday for a week, one neighbour offered to go in and water my garden. I didn’t really want her to, we get on fine as neighbours but she’s not a friend and I didn’t want to impose. Obviously it was a kind offer though and I didn’t know how to say no to it.

But when I came back, she had actually gone in TWICE in a week, not only watered the plants but deadheaded them, and had left some home-made food in the fridge for me!! No word of a lie. I actually felt really annoyed that she had gone in my fridge, as it meant that she had been wandering around my home, not just in the garden, and also, I keep medication in there that no one knows about and I would hate anyone to be snooping at it. Obviously she would have seen that. I just felt like she had really overstepped boundaries, no matter how kind her intention. I thanked her of course, what else could I do? But I will never give her permission to come into my home again unless it’s an emergency.

Batherssss · 03/08/2025 12:25

Absolutely not.
Cannot imagine anyone i know, family or friends asking such a thing.

notevencharging · 04/08/2025 06:27

I don’t even like it when my own dc occasionally stay here when we are away. I certainly wouldn’t be happy about anyone else using the house. I like to clean, turn the water off and lock up knowing it will all be the same when we get back.

devildeepbluesea · 04/08/2025 06:32

I have had people stay for a night in my house while I wasn’t there because I live near a city where lots of big gigs take place and they were coming to watch someone (can’t remember who) and hotel rooms were £££.

I’ve also given up my house for a month to help someone out who had a gap of a month before moving into a rental (this is a much longer story and there were very specific extenuating circumstances which made
me decide to do this).

so on balance no, it wouldn’t and hasn’t bothered me.

nomas · 04/08/2025 06:34

Oshunokay · 03/08/2025 09:20

They aren't rude, I don't want to be outing, but this thread isn't about them being pushy or unreasonable, at all.

It's about me trying to work out why I have this reaction - and if I need to just attempt to tackle it and be welcoming

They are rude for asking. No one should put anyone in the position of having to say no to unreasonable requests.

chattyness · 04/08/2025 06:37

I wouldn't be able to relax while I was away if there were people staying in my house, doesn't matter how well you know someone or how close you are, your home is your haven isn't it.
From things I've read on different forums over the years it's the being close that leads some people to overstep boundaries, they break or ruin something in the home and don't think they should replace it etc. I would say no, you don't have to apologise or give a reason.

MinnieMountain · 04/08/2025 06:38

I’d only allow immediate family to stay.

What’s their reason for not paying for a hotel?

Flip

1 2