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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

genuinely confused about if I am or not, please help (and I promise not to cry or flounce if you all pick on me, even if I do have a tad bit of PMT....[wink])

63 replies

Psychomum5 · 28/05/2008 15:59

DS1 went to a party this morning, 10-12.20.

lovely party, he thought it was fab, completely different, was at a safety centre, so actually a learning party too.

BUT

I didn't give him a huge breakfast as I thought he would then fill up on party food anyway, and altho he had a drink, again, not a huge one for weeing issues in the beginning part IYGWIM.

anyhoo.....

I get there to pick him up, and it is running over....he is looking hot and tired.
the mum starts handing over boxes, and then apologizes but they haven;t had time for lunch or anything.....((first ))

we say a gracious thankyou, as he has had a good time, and then he gets a balloon and party bag, (even DS2 gats handed one), and get into the car......and DS1 opens up his 'lunchbox'.

inside is a bag of (tasteless apparently) crisps, a drink, and tons of harribo sweet, plus some toys......

and nothing else, no lunch type of food, nothing, nada.......

now, I am cross....I don't really think it is ok to send a child to a party, and they having nothing to eat or drink the entire time, and he also said there was no birthdya cake, but then, that is personal choice, but no food......

sooooo

AIBU, or am I entitled to feel a little off about my sons lack of fluids and nutrition at a party.........or am I just weird for always assuming that parties come with food!!!!

((BTW, I do no that parties have sweets, but not in a 'lunchbox', and not for them to eat on the way home before I can get proper food into him, which he did, as I told him he could have his 'lunch' as that is what I thought it was!!!))

OP posts:
Original poster
Psychomum5 · 28/05/2008 16:22

beansontoast...........PMT indeed.....only I am allowed to accuse myself of it!!!!

OP posts:
RustyBear · 28/05/2008 16:22

When our Y3's went to a safety centre, they weren't allowed to take drinks in because of the safety hazard if they spilled! They had to drink them in an area outside - maybe they didn't have time for that at the party, if the activities took longer than they thought.

Original poster
Psychomum5 · 28/05/2008 16:23

birdy, sorry, skimmed right past your post.

had not thought of that actually.....

maybe that is what happened....

OP posts:
Original poster
Psychomum5 · 28/05/2008 16:26

and the face was a 'thinking' face rather than an 'unreasonable' face IYGWIM

BTW, to whoever asked, safety centre is where they go and it is set up like a little town inside (it is in a huge warehouse)....they learn how to dial 999, look out for dangers, learn about safety, strangers etc.

really fabulous party, just no food and drink, which confused me (and made me a tad cross), but again, no idea if it is ME, or not.....

OP posts:
JodieG1 · 28/05/2008 16:26

Any parties my dc's have been to and had always had food and loads gets eaten. The kids are always starving after running about for 2 hours and lunch is at 12 around here. School lunch is also 12.

YANU imo. No drinks is just silly, they could have had water.

JodieG1 · 28/05/2008 16:27

Oh and any parties here always have a set time for the food so they play for a bit and then stop and go and eat, there is no question of not having time.

Alderney · 28/05/2008 16:31

I've always thought if a party was over a mealtime then I'd expect them to have a meal - otherwise a snack is fine...

But its hard to define what a mealtime is. My DD has her lunch at bang on 12 noon because we leave for preschool at 12:30 - so the party today would have been over lunch.

I'd have expected them tp provide some sort of food......and preferably some nice food rather than cheap crisps and haribo...however it can be expensive to put a party on and food might not be within everyone's budget.

So...its a hard one...its tough to be really narked about it because it seems like it was a really good party and kept your son amused for a few hours, so in that case its a bit unreasonable, but I can also see why you'd be concerned that he hadn't had any decent food in that time..

stitch · 28/05/2008 16:42

well, i always thought parties meant food. until i went to a one year olds birthdya party, and we were offered nothing. not even a drink of water. (the adults that is) since i had not had breakfast, i was starving. went to macdonalds afterwords.
but i put it down to things being done differently in this country. culture shock sort of thing

more · 28/05/2008 16:44

(Where are you from Stitch?)

RustyBear · 28/05/2008 16:47

Was it at Streetwise?

Original poster
Psychomum5 · 28/05/2008 16:51

yes it was......and I am still utterly thrilled with the party (in case none of you get that).

I am just confused (anger emotion gone, was PMT)

I always think that parties=food, but maybe not.....

OP posts:
nametaken · 28/05/2008 17:00

What a blimming tightarse!

YANBU

kitsmummy · 28/05/2008 17:05

YANBU. I would expect a party to include food no matter what time it was tbh. And for that reason i wouldn't have given a big breakfast and would be hacked off like you were. If they can't afford it, fair enough, but i think you should have been warned that there wouldn't be any food.

Original poster
Psychomum5 · 28/05/2008 17:12

oh no, I am not thinking tightarse (altho cool word), as the party would have cost a bit, and the boxes did have cool toys in.....

was just about lack of food, and not sure if I am ok to be or not.

I was cross, but I think that might be PMT cross rather than allowable cross IYGWIM....

OP posts:
posieflump · 28/05/2008 17:13

I think yabu
the parry was 10am - 12.20pm so plenty of time for breakfast beofre and lunch after

a session at preschool in fact - a drink would have been nice though

Twiglett · 28/05/2008 17:15

bet she had trays of sandwiches and stuff ... but they didn't make it into the party boxes yet?

Twiglett · 28/05/2008 17:15

parties = a meal unless otherwise stated IMO

always

even though they don't normally eat it

but certainly food included

Original poster
Psychomum5 · 28/05/2008 17:19

see....it didn't state 'no food', and she DID hand out boxes saying that they were their 'lunches', but again, nothing 'lunchlike' in them.

I can only assume, like twig says, that the sandwiches didn't make it in them, and she ran out of time.......

but, that time, does go over lunch IMO, and a drink is certainly needed!!!!

next time he will eat first (if there is another next time with a party at that time of day)

OP posts:
nooka · 28/05/2008 17:26

I think a good breakfast is always required, especially before a party, but I agree I would have expected at least a substantial snack, or a note on the invite saying no lunch. I wonder if the mum didn't realise that lunch wasn't scheduled into the event given the safety comments, and had brought unsuitable stuff to give away in boxes. Was the box as well as a party bag? Otherwise it sounds like a normal sort of party give away just with added crisps.

Ripeberry · 28/05/2008 17:30

Oh bugger, i'm going to be doing a party from 3pm until 4pm at a softplay center for 6yr olds.
The activity itself is only for 45 mins and there is 15 mins clear up time.
So i'm going to cut the cake after 40 mins playtime and hand out party boxes with 2 sandwiches (ham/cheese), crisps, biscuits, some fruit and a couple of toys.
There will be drinks provided at all times.
I'm not doing a whole spread anymore as it always gets wasted.
I suppose that the parents won't mind if the kids only have a little bit of food, or am i going the wrong way and this will SPOIL their dinner??
You can't win, what is the best time for a party?

Original poster
Psychomum5 · 28/05/2008 17:36

well, she gave out boxes with stuff in like normal party bags would contain, plus the centre also gave out 'party bags', but mostly that was safety leaflets, so maybe she just gave out party boxes, called them lunchie type stuff, and assumed that we would not worry and just feed them at home.....

I don;t know...., maybe I am the unreasonable one.....

party times.......best times are 12-2 or 4-6, IMO

but giving them sandwiches is FINE.....

OP posts:
findtheriver · 28/05/2008 17:38

Party sounds far better than the usual crap where they run around, hit eachother over the head and end up exhausted and in tears. Some drinks would have been a good idea, but with these timings I wouldnt expect food; in fact I'd assume with a finish time like that, they'd be expecting children to go home for lunch.
I think it's easy to forget that when someone is organising a biggish party, with all it entails, it's easy to overlook things that as an outsider seem obvious.
I forgot the Christening cake at my son's christening, and I'd made the damn thing!

Original poster
Psychomum5 · 28/05/2008 17:42

sorry, but PMSL @ forgetting the christening cake

OP posts:
findtheriver · 28/05/2008 17:48

so did DH Psychomum! He found it after all the guests had left, sat on the side, waiting for the champagne toasts!!

AdamAnt · 28/05/2008 17:50

I wouldn't have assumed food would be offered during that time slot TBH. I do think they should have had a drink though.