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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to leave my visiting parents?

42 replies

Brodie13 · 03/08/2025 08:23

We live in Australia and have done since 2018.

My in-laws have come to visit -

2019
2020
we went home 2021-2022
2023
2025

My parents have just visited the once in 2024. They have booked to come in 2026.

Each time either set of parents have visited they’ve come for 8-9 weeks at a time (our summer).

My in-laws really want to see us summer (Australian) in 2026 and are trying to come up with a way of doing so.

My parents arrive 12/1 so we told them we could meet them somewhere early Jan.

They’ve now suggested meeting somewhere mid/end of Jan (before kids go back to school on 28/1) and they’ll pay for our flights and a villa/house.

This would mean leaving my parents who have come out to Australia so obviously I’m not keen.

Before this was suggested, we had told my parents that 8 weeks straight, living with us will be a bit much for everyone and so could they think of ways of breaking it up. They’ve suggested we all go away somewhere, but money is very tight for us and so we’ve told them we aren’t sure if we’ll be able to afford to do that and we won’t know for a while (waiting on my husband hopefully getting a promotion).

Everytime we speak to my in-laws they bring it up and want to make a plan. But I know full well if they came out to Australia to visit us and then we went away for a week without them to see my parents it would go down like a led balloon.

I’m stuck trying to keep everyone happy. AIBU for not wanting to leave my parents during the 8 weeks they are visiting? Bearing in mind I’ve not seen them since June 2024 so it will have been 18 months and my in-laws came Jan - March 2025?

OP posts:
Eenameenadeeka · 03/08/2025 08:26

I definitely don't think you're unreasonable, if your parents travel all that way to see you, you need to make the most of the visit, not go off and leave them for part of it. They need to visit at a different time that suits you. Has your husband told them it doesn't work?

WhySoManySocks · 03/08/2025 08:26

Can you meet somewhere where ALL of you can go, ie both sets of parents? Or is that just crazy expensive.

But YANBU. Grey rock the PILs and keep repeating the same phrase “sorry this does not work for us”. Your DH could have the more on depth conversations.

Chasingsquirrels · 03/08/2025 08:27

Surely you/DH reply that they know your parents are visiting in that period so you wont be available.
It is ridiculous to suggest you leave for a weeks holiday days after your parents have arrived for an 8 week stay.

JSMill · 03/08/2025 08:28

Of course you shouldn’t leave your parents. I can’t imagine why that’s even being considered.

PersephoneParlormaid · 03/08/2025 08:29

The in-laws should realise themselves that your parents are the priority at this time. Tell the cheeky fuckers where to go.

Ilikewinter · 03/08/2025 08:29

Well I think your ILs are being selfish, why can't they come later in 2026?, I agree your DH needs to tell them that your parents are visiting end of. ..... or would he go meet his parents on his own for a few days?

bellamorgan · 03/08/2025 08:29

Surely you just tell your in-laws your parents are visiting you so you need to do any break after X date.

Pippa12 · 03/08/2025 08:30

YANBU! I booked flights to go out and see my Dad who lives abroad. He then booked a weekend away whilst I was there (shorter time frame than your parents). I was gutted and cancelled the trip.

Genevieva · 03/08/2025 08:32

Your in-laws can come in December and early January. You already have commitments after that. Including a pencilled-in commitment for a week away with your parents and time when they will stay with you.

mamabluestar · 03/08/2025 08:35

I think that it's your in-laws that are being unreasonable, and actually really selfish, to even consider coming while your parents are visiting.

I don't think it would be unreasonable at all to tell them they you won't consider making any plans with them while your parents are visiting.

Germanroadman · 03/08/2025 08:38

Tell them to book for December of the same year that your parents are coming in January. It is your parents turn and you do not need two sets of visitors for that duration of time. I don’t think I’d entertain it further after you’ve said no to the ILs they are being very inconsiderate.

CopperWhite · 03/08/2025 08:39

No, you can’t do that, obviously. It seems very rude and selfish of you in laws to even suggest it.

StrawberryCranberry · 03/08/2025 08:41

Your in laws are being really inconsiderate. Unless they (and the rest of you) would be willing to do something with all of you together, they need to plan their visit for another time of year and not interfere with your parents visit.

Dheops · 03/08/2025 08:41

I'm a bit confused by the "theys" at times but I think it would be incredibly rude and hurtful for you to leave your parents to see your ILs .You're simply not available to ILs during those weeks. Tell them you similarly prioritised them during all their previous visits and if your parents had expected you to leave ILs for a week in the middle of their visit, you'd have said no too.

8/9 weeks at a time though, wow. I would go absolutely spare. Could your ILs come for Christmas? I think it's a flat no to seeing them while your parents are there to visit you though. Even if you do have some sort of break in the middle, that is for recovery not moonlighting.

Willquery123 · 03/08/2025 08:42

Could you see your parents and DH see his that week?

Ruggerlass · 03/08/2025 08:44

Might be easier said than done depending on how reasonable in-laws are, but I’d just tell your in-laws that your parents are visiting but they are welcome to come before or after. My son lives in Sydney. When we’ve planned to visit we discuss dates and if DIL’s parents are visiting we just go another time and vice versa.

AgnesX · 03/08/2025 08:46

Eight weeks with your in laws 4 times in the last 5 years?

I'd be saying no full stop. In fairness I'm not sure I could do 8 weeks with my own parents unless they were staying somewhere else.

DidYouGet · 03/08/2025 08:46

Am I misreading, but did you mean that you need a break from your own parents during their stay too?

Going off with your in laws would fit with this.

Maybe your parents would enjoy some time to explore on their own too.

Time for more conversation with everyone to resolve this together.

legsekeven · 03/08/2025 08:51

Do you parents and in-laws not get along. Surely they could just join you for a week somewhere all together.

Diarygirlqueen · 03/08/2025 09:01

You have to place your parents as the priority. There are 10 other months in the year for the ils to choose from! They are being extremely selfish and if you do decide to do this, expect a bad reaction from your parents. I would be devastated if my daughter did this, flying all that way and you take of for a week with your ils!

Be honest with your ils and do it soon. The next thing is they will book the holiday and make the decision for you. Why can you not just tell them the truth? Are you scared of their reaction? Is your husband not supporting you? I'm sure most parents would understand your situation, speak up and assert yourself.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 03/08/2025 09:16

Because they’re all so far away from their grandchildren, is there an element of the IL’s wanting to be ‘best’ grandparents and to sabotage your parents time with the kids?

Praying4Peace · 03/08/2025 09:23

I feel for you OP and the uncomfortable situation you are in.
Trying to please everyone is near impossible.
I suggest your husband speaks to his parents.
Take care OP

Zempy · 03/08/2025 09:27

Assuming the PILS know DPs are visiting, they need to back off suggesting visiting or meeting at the same time.

DH needs to message PILS saying we are not available Jan/Feb next year. Sorted.

HouseFullOfChaos · 03/08/2025 09:35

I appreciate you're stressed about this OP but it's really such an easy thing to sort, as other posters have said. When they suggest a holiday with them, to meet them somewhere you simply say you're not available because that's during the time your parents are visiting. Stop trying to people please everyone.

CrispieCake · 03/08/2025 09:43

Your husband can take the children to visit the ILs.

That way, you get a child-free week to do more "grown-up" stuff with your parents.