AIBU to not want to leave my visiting parents?

[Brodie13]

We live in Australia and have done since 2018.

My in-laws have come to visit -

2019
2020
we went home 2021-2022
2023
2025

My parents have just visited the once in 2024. They have booked to come in 2026.

Each time either set of parents have visited they’ve come for 8-9 weeks at a time (our summer).

My in-laws really want to see us summer (Australian) in 2026 and are trying to come up with a way of doing so.

My parents arrive 12/1 so we told them we could meet them somewhere early Jan.

They’ve now suggested meeting somewhere mid/end of Jan (before kids go back to school on 28/1) and they’ll pay for our flights and a villa/house.

This would mean leaving my parents who have come out to Australia so obviously I’m not keen.

Before this was suggested, we had told my parents that 8 weeks straight, living with us will be a bit much for everyone and so could they think of ways of breaking it up. They’ve suggested we all go away somewhere, but money is very tight for us and so we’ve told them we aren’t sure if we’ll be able to afford to do that and we won’t know for a while (waiting on my husband hopefully getting a promotion).

Everytime we speak to my in-laws they bring it up and want to make a plan. But I know full well if they came out to Australia to visit us and then we went away for a week without them to see my parents it would go down like a led balloon.

I’m stuck trying to keep everyone happy. AIBU for not wanting to leave my parents during the 8 weeks they are visiting? Bearing in mind I’ve not seen them since June 2024 so it will have been 18 months and my in-laws came Jan - March 2025?

His parents want to get away from UK winter hence wanting to come Jan/Feb or March but that’s when my parents will be here! They don’t want to come early January as it rushed Xmas for them last time they did that.

I want my husband just to tell them they’re welcome to organise something before Jan or after March if they want us to meet them somewhere. Or they’re welcome to come to our city too but between Jan & March but they won’t be able to stay with us as my parents are here!

Parents do get on with eachother but also want to spend time with us as a priority.

Husband has said 8 weeks with my parents living with us will be too much for him and we need some sort of break. Even though his parents did 8 weeks with us this year. But my parents did 10 weeks with us last year!

Previously his parents stayed in an Airbnb when they came to visit but since we’ve had a bigger house they’ve been able to stay with us.

Your husband and his parents seem to rule the roost!
Stand up to them and be assertive! This is not right.

Husband has said 8 weeks with my parents living with us will be too much for him

Ask him how many weeks are acceptable and if he’s applying that same number to his own parents?

Plus, his have visited 4 times already, and yours have visited 1 time.

Why is your husband not being fair?

It’s a husband problem!

Mmmmm I agree you have a DH problem. I’d just speak directly to his parents and say yours are staying x-y dates and they’re welcome before or after .

The more you speak the more this sounds like a DH problem. The apple has not fallen far from the tree there.

If he won’t tell them, you will have to do it.

"guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days" is the quote that fits the bill here.

Either tell them that you will be going overseas yourselves (eg New Zealand) or restrict ech of your families visiting to a maximum of 4 weeks.

Husband has very much felt overwhelmed with our whole summers being taken over by visiting parents and has found it especially hard having them live with us the last two years. I understand and want to respect him as it’s his house and we’ve had each of our parents stay with us for one summer each. But also desperate to see my parents nd happy for them to stay.

Ah him not telling his parents how he or I feel has been a problem from day dot. His dad is very opinionated and it doesn’t take much to upset him and his mum avoids any sort of confrontation.

I’ve clashed with his dad over the years as I do stick up for myself but DH and his mum are very similar.

Of course you can't leave them when they come all that way to see you!

His dad is very opinionated and it doesn’t take much to upset him

That is a very draining personality style to deal with and yes family members often have to tip toe around them. But the only thing that actually works is very firm boundaries which of course you expect them to rail against.

I don't know how you manage any of this. It's putting me off moving to the other side of the world!

Do you think you could compromise with husband - 8 weeks with your parents this time because they have only been the once and it's already booked in, then future visits limited to 4 weeks for both sides.

If you don't already I would also set up some sort of private sitting area - maybe just a TV or comfy chair in your bedroom - so one of you can duck out for a few hours' privacy in the daytime. Ditto TV in guest room if possible etc , just to make the most of all the space you have.

Eight weeks is far too bloody long to accommodate any guests, quite frankly. How do you get anything done when two months out of 12 are taken up by visitors?

I'd be limiting these visits to four weeks, max, on both sides, ideally alternate years.

We have recently built a new house and very much planned separate lounge spaces. However his dad did not utilise this and joined us every single night!!

Ill be able to ask my parents to give us space.

I wouldnt have either set of parents in my home for 8 weeks at a stretch.

Husband has very much felt overwhelmed with our whole summers being taken over by visiting parents

By his parents.

And surely it’s not your husband’s house, it’s both of yours?

Just because he’s a wimp with his own dad, your parents have to make do with fewer visits? Really?

This doesn’t sound like an equal partnership somehow.

Sure, but I bet he wouldn't if you retired to your bedroom!! Or a craft room even. Different rooms have different "privacy settings".

Your husband just doesn’t want to say no to daddy. Well tough shit, it’s your turn and he needs to accept that and tell his parents they can’t come in that timeframe.