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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My mind has actually been blown...

60 replies

lanbro · 02/08/2025 17:28

Saw my dsis yesterday, her xp, df of her child, is looking after his work friend's 2yo for a fortnight whilst her dps holiday alone....

Xp is dropping his own dd at nursery, friend's dd at her nursery in the opposite direction, then going to work, and obviously reverse at the end of the day.

Xp is a people pleaser, likely didn't know how to say no, but admits the toddler doesn't seem to have a clue what's going on

AIBU that you don't ask a work friend to look after your toddler for 2 weeks whilst you holiday without them? Not a funeral, a wedding, a long weekend, a necessary work trip, but a 2 week adult only pleasure holiday?! Mind. Blown that people think this is ok?!

OP posts:
FenderStrat · 03/08/2025 07:34

LividSquidward · 02/08/2025 17:37

I'd say dropping a 2yo with a random man was a safeguarding mega risk and I'd be reporting it.

What if it was a woman?

LividSquidward · 03/08/2025 07:35

FenderStrat · 03/08/2025 07:34

What if it was a woman?

Show quote history

When women commit violence at the same rate as men your argument would be valid.

FenderStrat · 03/08/2025 07:47

LividSquidward · 03/08/2025 07:35

When women commit violence at the same rate as men your argument would be valid.

Show quote history

Oh yeah. You're using that.

SweatyBettyAgain · 03/08/2025 07:49

LividSquidward · 02/08/2025 17:37

I'd say dropping a 2yo with a random man was a safeguarding mega risk and I'd be reporting it.

This.

ButterCrackers · 03/08/2025 07:54

It’s usual in other cultures/countries to leave the kids, potty trained age upwards, with the grandparents for the whole summer holidays. The parents stay a week to drop the kids off and then return to collect staying a few days. Here the op explains that it’s with a friend of the family so it might be that the friend is like family. Perhaps they will share the childcare.

LegalllyBrunette · 03/08/2025 07:55

It is odd and I don't know if anyone doing that but it sounds like they are friends rather than just colleagues.

Zanatdy · 03/08/2025 07:56

Absolutely very strange to leave your toddler with a work colleague for 2wks. Not a chance in hell i’d have done that. I am a people pleaser but no way would I have agreed to 2wks looking after a colleagues child.

beAsensible1 · 03/08/2025 08:00

Being colleagues donee t mean they’re also not friends.

some of my closeted friends are people I’ve been colleagues with. I think 2 weeks is a bit long for a toddler but as someone said we don’t know the ins and outs so meh.

Dogaredabomb · 03/08/2025 08:03

Poor child, when my eldest was two he was meant to spend 4 weeks with his Dad (divorced, different country). He was so distressed at being away from me that his Dad brought him back early.

This was despite being with his father, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and in a familar house! I still feel guilty.

The parents are cruel and selfish.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 03/08/2025 08:03

I wouldn't leave my toddler for 2 weeks but I'd have been delighted to hand them over for a long weekend! I'd be a bit jealous that people have that option. Many friends do favours like this for each other, they obviously are close and I'm sure there will be a quid pro quo, I don't get people's concerns in that regard.

My friend and her DH went on a weeks holiday and left a 12 week old with family. That shocked me, genuinely, and I'm very much in favour of people with children having their own social lives usually.

samplesalequeen · 03/08/2025 08:05

Is the colleague a man or a woman?

is there a chance he’s the father of this child and he’s not told his xp this?

Summerhillsquare · 03/08/2025 08:06

BabyCatFace · 03/08/2025 07:22

Average social worker here - no we wouldn't. Parents are allowed to leave their kids with trusted friends while they go on holiday. It certainly wouldn't be my parenting style but social workers aren't there to intervene in questionable parenting choices, only where a significant level of harm is evidenced. This is not that.

Show quote history

For 2 WEEKS, for a tiny child?! Come on.

Clafoutie · 03/08/2025 08:10

FenderStrat · 03/08/2025 07:47

Oh yeah. You're using that.

Show quote history

What, facts?

Strictlymad · 03/08/2025 08:12

Poor little tot, whilst he may be a trusted friend for the parents I doubt as work colleagues the toddler has had much contact with him! Any little one is likely to be highly distressed at being left (for 2 WEEKS!!!!!!) with to them a strange man! What parents think this is ok!?!? Tbh I’d be a bit dubious even if it was grandparents when it’s a 2 year old and cor such a long time but this is bonkers!

mintsugardress · 03/08/2025 08:16

Summerhillsquare · 03/08/2025 08:06

For 2 WEEKS, for a tiny child?! Come on.

Show quote history

What exactly are you expecting a social worker to do in this situation? The parents aren’t breaking any laws, and according to the OP the child will be well cared for by the sister’s ex, who the parents know well.

I wouldn’t ever leave my child in this situation either, but social workers don’t have endless time and resources to go round having chats with people who are making different parenting decisions than you or I would make.

FenderStrat · 03/08/2025 08:17

Clafoutie · 03/08/2025 08:10

What, facts?

Show quote history

OK let's run with facts.
One clear fact is that this wasn't a random man.

Bananachimp · 03/08/2025 08:19

Bluetoothpaste · 02/08/2025 18:00

The couple asked a friend, also a parent, to look after their child and he said yes.

He’s a competent an adult man, presumably he could have absolutely said no if he wanted to.

I’m not really sure what is has to do with you or why you are so exercised about it?

Exactly this. You keep describing them as just a work friend but what do you know about the situation at all? What has it got to do with you?

GAJLY · 03/08/2025 08:20

It's down to him to say no. But he didn't! He said yes and now he has to do it! Perhaps next time he'll be strong enough to decline!

Isitreallysohard · 03/08/2025 08:28

LividSquidward · 02/08/2025 17:37

I'd say dropping a 2yo with a random man was a safeguarding mega risk and I'd be reporting it.

Wtf

Bread121bread · 03/08/2025 08:31

x2boys · 03/08/2025 07:22

Obviously it's got to be his fault 🙄

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His fault in what?

taxidriver · 03/08/2025 08:33

is it a cultural thing?

RhaenysRocks · 03/08/2025 08:37

Ex and I left our 2&3 yo for 5 days once with grandparents for a late honeymoon. That was fine. I think longer would be pushing it but I my due to the kids missing us. After divorce they spend two weeks in a block with him in the hols and are ready to come home.
This is a known, trusted adult with his own child. Two weeks is a lot but it's not a safeguarding issue on any fronts.

Driftingawaynow · 03/08/2025 09:14

@BabyCatFace
surprised by this, having had a social worker be critical of my ex leaving our 6 year old child with random neighbours for 24 hours which resulted in him getting v distressed.

FenderStrat · 03/08/2025 10:45

Thought this might help:

Definition

random
/ˈrandəm/
adjective
1.
made, done, or happening without method or conscious decision

MissHollysDolly · 03/08/2025 10:51

lanbro · 03/08/2025 06:02

I don't think for one second it's a safe guarding issue, the child will be well looked after.

My mind is blown that a couple would choose to holiday without their child for 2 weeks, leaving said child with friends...! I couldn't understand a weekend for a child free wedding, or in an emergency, but in this scenario? Nope!

You’re being quite judgy of other people’s choices. It’s none of your business.