To be upset about this?

[Cuppatealover]

Asked my partner what we were thinking for dinner tonight.

His response "I'm having Indian I don't know about you"

I laughed and said "What do you mean you're having it?"

And he said "I don't know if you can afford it as you've been out yesterday and going out tomorrow".

Absolute arsehole response in my opinion. AIBU to be pissed off and upset?!

Well it depends. Do you live together? Do you split takeaway costs usually?

Do you live together?

What do you usually do about takeaways - do you share the cost or get your own?

Yeah - more info needed

Well it depends. Do you share finances or are they separate? Have you been oit/going out and can yoi afford it?

IMHO it may just have been a clumsy attempt to say he wants Indian regardless of whether you can afford to do that or not.

Not enough info here, as others have said.

It’s not automatically an arsehole response.

Fair enough to say “I fancy an Indian whether you want the same or not that’s fine” but to imply you can’t afford it, yes that would upset me.

We usually do split costs and yes we do live together. I just thought it was a brash response and selfish as it came across as he's going to get it either way and what? Just let me sit there with no food lol just weird imo

Sounds like he’s being arsey about you going out.

Sounds like he's fed up of subbing you after you've spent all your own money with no further context tbh.

I don’t know, if he’s been careful with his money so that he can have a takeaway and you’ve still had a good time with your money in a different way then I can see his point of view.

Are you expecting him to treat you? If you often treat him and it’s his turn to treat then that’s different. Or it depends on how you as a couple manage your finances together.

He's not your partner.....by any stretch of the imagination.

I think its more the fact he didn't suggest if I'd like one and if I could afford it, but just deciding on his own and only mentioned it after I asked as I was going to cook for us (I do all the cooking)

From an objective pov, that’s a shitty thing for him to have said. You say you normally split costs: does he earn significantly more than you and is resentful that you’re out having a good time without him?

it doesn't depend.

They are partners, not roommates! Even if you split finances, who doesn't share meals? It's beyond bizarre.

Would people do that too? You run out of shampoo or toothpaste, too bad? We don't share finances so buy your own? 😂

why would you cook for him, in general, if you split up finances to that extend and you wouldn't share a take-away?

If people want to live like roommates and share nothing, then don't share food. He can do his own cooking. And his own laundry, have a cleaning rosta and basically be a roommate.

Is this how people arrange their finances now?

You live together but if your partner, for whatever reason, doesn't have the money to buy dinner you sit in front of them and eat your takeaway, while they what, have a slice of toast?

They're not housemates, it a very weird uncaring way to act towards someone you're supposed to love.

I agree with you OP, it's selfish and nasty.

I absolutely agree with you except the shampoo part! If anyone in my house touches any of my hair stuff I would bind their hands behind their backs!!

Any decent human being would get their other half a takeaway if theyre getting themselves one?? Thats always been the case in my relationship

@Cuppatealover to me it sounds like he’s annoyed that you’re going out two nights on the trot but instead of saying it directly, makes the comment about whether you’ll have anything even left to contribute to food.

How much did you spend going out yesterday and how much will you spend going out tomorrow?

You can’t see any difference between toothpaste & a takeaway?

If I had a partner & not shared finances who had spent all of their money on going out then I would probably say the same as him. If I want a takeaway and I can afford one, I’ll get one, but don’t see why I should have to either not get one or pay double because my partner chose to spend their money on other things.

😂

Fair enough. I don't let anyone use my shampoo or face cream either in fairness. They cost a bomb.

I do provide "family" shampoo though 😁

Yep I get the feeling he's sour about two outings...don't think it's about the money but the resentment. Could be wrong of course.

I earn slightly more than him but not a lot. He is better at managing money than me so does end up with more disposable.
I usually cook as I enjoy cooking and I am better at it than him. He usually does the laundry as I am a very forgetful person and he likes a clean house so does do more in that respect.
I think he's just pissed off because he wanted to go to a food festival today, however I declined as I do not have the money to be spending on fuel (or train fare) to get there (roughly an hour each way) and he won't drive - long story (he has a car sat here at home but is scared of driving). I've also been putting together shelves for an airing cupboard most of the day as its a job we needed doing and been putting off for a few months. He isn't very DIY headed so didn't offer to help so the overall conversation about dinner just felt like a kick in the face after me trying to improve our home today.

Sounds as though there is something else going on here. Are you both trying to save money and he feels he is doing so more than you?