To be upset about this?

[Cuppatealover]

Asked my partner what we were thinking for dinner tonight.

His response "I'm having Indian I don't know about you"

I laughed and said "What do you mean you're having it?"

And he said "I don't know if you can afford it as you've been out yesterday and going out tomorrow".

Absolute arsehole response in my opinion. AIBU to be pissed off and upset?!

Probably about £20 yesterday and £10 tomorrow

Actually, no. I wouldn't want to live that way.

I am all for financial independence, but I couldn't put up with someone so stingy they count every penny they spend on me and would resent - or even think twice - about something as small as a takeaway. It's weird.

If you think you are "paying double" because you pay for both of you , then it's not a relationship in my views.

I have never been with someone who earned exactly the same as I do. Sometimes I earn more, sometimes he earns more - because of various redundancy, promotions, maternity leave and so on. I don't find stingy and tight people remotely attractive.

If he actually does this to you make sure you cook dinner for yourself only next time

My last message should have said that I can't afford the petrol or train fare and a day out at a food festival as it would end up likely being a £100 day - I can afford a takeaway. But the attitude and fact he didnt even ask me is what's upset me

I am glad to have never been in such a petty relationship, despite my exes faults I've never been with someone tight/petty.

Mind you, I'd probably not be with someone who wouldn't drive when capable of doing so

Slight drip feed there OP.

I would be pissed off if my partner and I had plans for a food festival but then couldn't afford to do it as they had prioritised other nights out.

I think in that context saying he was getting an Indian regardless it makes more sense. You have your home cooked whatever... I want an Indian, regardless of whether thays out your budget.

I think there's deeper issues here than a takeaway.

I hadn't prioritised my other plans, they were organised weeks ago. He only brought up the food festival in the week and I said then that I wasn't sure.

Perhaps other people don’t find it attractive for their partner to spend all of their own “fun” money & then also expect some of the others.

Im glad im single.

So do I! Kerastase for me, Alberto Balsam Apple for them!

If I was ordering in I'd offer dw the menu and get her choice.
I couldn't order in food and leave her out.
That's just mean.

You may well be right. But how immature of him not to say what is bothering him and making passing aggressive comments instead. So toxic.

When you say you are not as good with your money, do you mean you often end up paying for things like petrol that both of you benefit from?

My partner and I usually eat different kinds of food so I always buy my own and he buys his. If we were buying a takeaway we’d go halves.

Leave him to it and then order yourself something without offering next time.

Ah, that is a bit of a drip feed, OP. Sounds like he was really hoping to go to the food festival but feels you’ve prioritised the two non-couple plans over it, and that has touched a nerve so he’s lashed out.

Definitely worth a conversation with him to find out what’s underlying that response - whether he often feels you deprioritise him or something else entirely. There’s subtext there that you’re somewhat oblivious to and a non-judgemental/accusing conversation to talk it through is the only way to get to the bottom of it.

So, I’m going to say YABU because you’ve come online looking for validation rather than talking to the person responsible and finding out why they feel that way.

I get where he is coming from. If you can't afford to go out with him because you are going out with other people it's a reasonable comment that you may not be able to afford takeaway IMO. He didn't want to improve the home today, he wanted to have go out and have fun, your decision to do shelves is your choice.

This

This.