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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour about to become a nightmare

46 replies

OneBrightAmberDuck · 02/08/2025 14:07

DP and I have lived next to my neighbour for a few months. He’s in his 30s and lives alone, his family are about an hour away.

He seems to have a problem with alcohol and at least once or twice a week gets absolutely steaming drunk and very loud he then starts banging on our door asking for a lift to go and buy more alcohol. Or to go and buy some for him. If I say no, he jumps in his car and drives to the shops anyway so to prevent this I’ve ended up taking him. It’s impacting on my enjoyment of living here, my evenings and weekends are spoilt.

It is only a 10 minute walk to the shops but he says he can’t be bothered with the hassle. He can hardly stand.

About five years ago, he banned from driving for drink-driving for being three times over the limit.

Next week he is back in court for drink-driving. I’m aware a second offence within 10 years is likely to mean a three-year ban. He is self-employed and has already said he will need somebody to give him a lift to his jobs. My DP and I both work. I work from home most of the week.There is no way I can be driving him around to continue with his job. He will need a car because he takes tools.

I am absolutely dreading him getting this ban, even if you say no to him he gets quite shouty then repeatedly every few minutes is banging on the door. To the point it almost shakes the house down. If you answer the door he starts begging and crying.

I have reported his antisocial behaviour to the housing officer and they’ve advised me to keep a log or to call the police if he continues. I hate the drama of having to do this and I feel bad. I do feel guilty for not ringing the police on the occasions, I’ve seen him drink drive, but obviously they have now caught him.

AIBU to call the police on him?

OP posts:
Spirallingdownwards · 02/08/2025 14:09

I would also consider getting a Protection from Harrassment Order against him. Get legal advice.

ilparadodosdoltos · 02/08/2025 14:10

Why on earth would you feel bad? It’s he who’s causing the drama not you. This sounds intolerable. You’ve put up with his terrible behaviour long enough.

MsPulchritude · 02/08/2025 14:12

If you don't have a door camera, get one. If you don't have one, use your phone to record him demanding a lift later and then driving off drunk. Do not give him a lift. Call the police.

He is self-employed and has already said he will need somebody to give him a lift to his jobs. My DP and I both work. I work from home most of the week.There is no way I can be driving him around to continue with his job. He will need a car because he takes tools. This reads as you thinking you will need to have an excuse not to drive him to work when he loses his licence. Why is that your problem? Why have you even considered it?

Icanthinkformyselfthanks · 02/08/2025 14:20

@OneBrightAmberDuck , poor you but poor him too; what a mess he’s in. Every time you ‘help’ him you are enabling his disease. I hope knowing this will allow you to ignore it when he knocks on your door. If he won’t go away call the police, you’ll be doing him a favour in the long run.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 02/08/2025 14:23

Every time you ‘help’ him you are enabling his disease

100% this. You’re not helping.

nutbrownhare15 · 02/08/2025 14:28

This has to stop. Tell him once you aren't able to offer him lifts as you have work and a family to look after. Then ignore if he bangs on the door, log and report to the police if needed.

Account734 · 02/08/2025 14:29

Definitely call the police. If he kills or injures someone and you haven't done anything about it you'll feel awful. He is dangerous.

Bananalanacake · 02/08/2025 14:30

And what would he do if you went away for a month.

HellsBalls · 02/08/2025 14:31

Put a camera up, or one of those ring doorbells.
Don’t make his problems yours.

FluffykinsTheFerociousFeralFelineFury · 02/08/2025 14:56

Stop driving your neighbour anywhere. Get a camera for the door. Tell your neighbour to stop coming to your door and disturbing you. If he persists, involve the police. Persistent unwanted contact can amount to harassment, but you will need to have the relevant events documented and provable.

Jasmin71 · 02/08/2025 14:57

Say No. Don't enable him. If all else fails get a restraining order. He needs to know that you mean no.

yeesh · 02/08/2025 15:03

You shouldn’t be ‘helping’ him it’s making things worse. Tell him once you will call the police if he bangs the door and then do it , every single time.

Original poster
OneBrightAmberDuck · 02/08/2025 15:05

I’ve put up a door camera in the last few days. Even if we say no he comes back repeatedly, my dog goes crazy and he almost bangs the door down then comes to the back door and bangs on that

I’m almost hoping he gets a short custodial but a ban more likely.

OP posts:
Jdkaksbd · 02/08/2025 15:05

For heavens sake just stop! He is responsible for the impact of his own alcoholic behaviour and needs to deal with the consequences. Tell him firmly no more lifts and to stop banging on your door. If he continues tell him you will call the police and follow through with doing that if you have to.
Stop enabling this.

PandaCwtch · 02/08/2025 15:06

Get a camera for the door so that it is all recorded automatically. Tell him no. If you want to be helpful, suggest a taxi firm. Then call the police to report him, every time.

PandaCwtch · 02/08/2025 15:08

OneBrightAmberDuck · 02/08/2025 15:05

I’ve put up a door camera in the last few days. Even if we say no he comes back repeatedly, my dog goes crazy and he almost bangs the door down then comes to the back door and bangs on that

I’m almost hoping he gets a short custodial but a ban more likely.

Is he drunk at the time? I can see that he would be if he's hassling for a lift to get more drink, but if he wants a lift to work, does he still behave like this?

MNpenisadvisor · 02/08/2025 15:10

Why on earth would you give in and drive him? Talk about making a rod for your own bloody back

Original poster
OneBrightAmberDuck · 02/08/2025 15:12

PandaCwtch · 02/08/2025 15:08

Is he drunk at the time? I can see that he would be if he's hassling for a lift to get more drink, but if he wants a lift to work, does he still behave like this?

Show quote history

It’s when he’s had a drink at the moment he still has his license so drives himself to work. He obviously knows he shouldn’t drink and drive, but when he wants more alcohol if I say no, and sometimes I’ve had a drink of wine myself (this is rare, I hardly drink) and I don’t want to risk my own license so I won’t take him. He then jumps in the car and drives anyway comes back with another load more cans.

At least now I have a camera so I can actually have proof of him drink-driving. Sometimes it’s not even a reasonable time he’s banged on the door at 2 am. There is nowhere around here that even sells alcohol at that time but you can’t reason him with him when he’s drunk.

OP posts:
Igmum · 02/08/2025 15:13

Yes to cameras and yes to Police. It’s incredibly difficult knowing an addict but you are enabling his addiction and could you ever forgive yourselves if (heaven forfend) he injured someone while driving drunk and you hadn’t reported him? I do feel for you, it must be dreadful living next door to this guy but please please remember that the kind thing here isn’t to give in to him.

Daleksatemyshed · 02/08/2025 15:14

Keep all your camera footage then report him to the police Op, far better than letting him drink and drive

cheezncrackers · 02/08/2025 15:14
  • Good you've got a doorbell camera. Is it a Ring type of camera that records everything? That's what you need, because you need to document everything.
  • Also keep a written log, like the housing officer said.
  • Get legal advice, because what he's doing is harassing you. You can get a restraining order against him to stop this.
  • Each time he harasses you, report it.
  • If he drives drunk, call the police.
  • Whatever he's doing it's not your problem to fix and if he loses his licence perhaps it will be the wake-up he needs, but even if it isn't, he's not your problem, so stop giving him lifts, stop answering your door and any time he pounds on it, call the police.
upsofloating · 02/08/2025 15:16

Absolutely don't drive him anywhere, but do contact DVLA, for the sake of anyone he might otherwise end up hurting or even killing.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 02/08/2025 15:20

Call the police next time you suspect he’s about to drink drive. You can do it anonymously but tell them where he’s going to/from. Doing it while on bail is even more serious.

absolute no to any lift requests. This is a self inflicted problem. Not your problem.

InSpainTheRain · 02/08/2025 15:23

Why on earth would you give him a lift at all? Say no! I would be logging all incidents and getting a Order to stop his harassment. Take legal advice so you can document everything they need. Get a ring doorbell and save any footage of drunk/harassing behaviour. If he gets out of hand because you won't answer the door then call the police. Unfortunately he isn't going to stop - he's an alcoholic - so you have to take control back yourself. Sorry you are going through this.

SitOnHisFaceIfHeDiesHeDies · 02/08/2025 15:30

NEVER give him a lift again and phone the police next time he knocks. Then just keep telling him to fuck off, honestly OP his alcoholism is not your problem. Is he at least remorseful when he's sober?