Neighbour about to become a nightmare

[OneBrightAmberDuck]

DP and I have lived next to my neighbour for a few months. He’s in his 30s and lives alone, his family are about an hour away.

He seems to have a problem with alcohol and at least once or twice a week gets absolutely steaming drunk and very loud he then starts banging on our door asking for a lift to go and buy more alcohol. Or to go and buy some for him. If I say no, he jumps in his car and drives to the shops anyway so to prevent this I’ve ended up taking him. It’s impacting on my enjoyment of living here, my evenings and weekends are spoilt.

It is only a 10 minute walk to the shops but he says he can’t be bothered with the hassle. He can hardly stand.

About five years ago, he banned from driving for drink-driving for being three times over the limit.

Next week he is back in court for drink-driving. I’m aware a second offence within 10 years is likely to mean a three-year ban. He is self-employed and has already said he will need somebody to give him a lift to his jobs. My DP and I both work. I work from home most of the week.There is no way I can be driving him around to continue with his job. He will need a car because he takes tools.

I am absolutely dreading him getting this ban, even if you say no to him he gets quite shouty then repeatedly every few minutes is banging on the door. To the point it almost shakes the house down. If you answer the door he starts begging and crying.

I have reported his antisocial behaviour to the housing officer and they’ve advised me to keep a log or to call the police if he continues. I hate the drama of having to do this and I feel bad. I do feel guilty for not ringing the police on the occasions, I’ve seen him drink drive, but obviously they have now caught him.

AIBU to call the police on him?

Call police every single time

Please do not suggest he calls a taxi!

They don't want or need customers like that

Have you ever spoken to him about this behaviour when he is sober? What does he say?

As for driving him to his work, you just have to say no and he can take taxis. He has to deal with the consequences of his actions and that includes the impact on his livelihood if he is going to have any chance of pulling through his alcoholism.

If he gets in the car, phone 999.

I have, he gives lip service and gives a pathetic apology and then turns everything back on himself. He’s just one of those people that is entitled and doesn’t think about the impact of his lifestyle on than anybody else.

I had actually had just come out of hospital a few weeks ago and was still in a lot of pain and needed to rest. He knew this and still got loud and obnoxious and then started begging for a lift to a bar in a town about 10 miles away.

A few weeks ago, we ignored his phone calls in the early hours to come and pick him up from somewhere. He ended up having to walk for three hours to get home. He got in at 6 am and then made us feel bad about it.

we know a mutual friend from his previous town who said he did exactly the same to him banging on the door at 3 am wanting lifts places matter how many times he told him to get lost and I think the police were called a few times then

How awful OP. In those circumstances I think you have to tell him, when sober, how he behaves and that enough is enough. Tell him it is upsetting and frightening you given how obnoxious and aggressive he is and so if he starts banging on the door when drunk you’ll have to start calling the police. And then follow through.

So sorry you are going through this.

Do you have a husband/partner, and if so do they ever drive him to the shop to get more alcohol? Just wondering if you are the one solely shouldering this intolerable burden.

Just call the police. Don’t feel guilty. He is a menace and needs intervention. He is not your problem to solve.

This. Every single time, before he kills someone.

Cut all communication. You have no reason to speak to him.
Don't answer the door.
Call the police if he is being a nuisance.
Call 999 if he is driving under the influence.

He has done but he’s a lot tougher than me in saying don’t answer the door, but I hate when it’s late and the dog goes crazy and I’ve given in a couple of times. But now I have the camera I can actually talk through it so I’m going to start speaking through it and telling him to get lost rather than actually answering the door because I then I feel quite intimidated.

my other half does work quite long hours so when he’s home, he just tends to go to bed. Then begs me to ignore the door. I just feel awful calling the police and having Police outside. It’s just a really bad look but then I guess so is the neighbour banging on the door and shouting outside.

By calling the police you're not just protecting yourselves you're protecting this man from making reckless decisions that could land him on the road and killing someone.

What lengths would you go to in order to stop someone from having to bury their child or stop a child from becoming an orphan? I think I'd rather have police outside my house than read about someone being murdered by a drunk driver.

My DF died of alcoholism. I would have been furious if I'd found out some useful idiot of a neighbour was giving him a lift to get alcohol for a quiet life. Losing his licence was the best thing that could have happened to him for the protection of everyone on the roads and when it was time for him to reapply, I refused to help him because he absolutely shouldn't have been driving.
Whether or not he can get to work is not your problem. What job does he even have that he can safely do it while drunk?

You need to remove your self from this situation, say no every time. You have also had a drink etc etc. if he gets ban again not your problem, you are working - no sorry. If he’s hanging on your door repeatedly you need to call the police . Sounds awful

he’s a lot tougher than me in saying don’t answer the door, but I hate when it’s late and the dog goes crazy and I’ve given in a couple of times

Well if it’s late, that’s more of a reason to not answer the door.

And you don’t need proof he’s drinking to call the police, just call them anyway and they can breathalyse him.

The only thing you are being unreasonable about is not utilising the police for the reasons you need to utilise them.

STOP answering the door/phone etc to him. NOW. HE is not your concern.
DO call the police on him for drink driving every single time you know he is doing it.
DO put in a report of harassment.

This man is a danger to himself, a danger to others and a danger to you quite frankly if you continue to pander to his ridiculousness you will not have a days rest again while you live there.

Absolutely call the police! Get a restraining order too

What is wrong with you? You seem to care more about it being a "bad look" than him potentially injuring or killing someone by driving drunk. Get a bloody grip on your priorities!

You've been far more patient than I would have been - honestly I would have called the police a long time ago! Block his number so he can't call you and do NOT answer the door to him. If he starts banging and shouting call the police - every time.

YAbU

Because I have no idea why you are responsible for this idiot of a man. Ring the police if he gets into his car drunk and if he is banned and can’t work that is his fault. Why would you be driving him?!

I find this whole situation really weird. It’s not your brother or dad or a loved one who you’ve known and cared for for years. It’s a neighbour, who you’ve known a few months?! I couldn’t imagine any possible scenario in which my husband or I would be driving a drunken arsehole neighbour to work, or a bar. Why on earth have you taken this random persons problems on?!