To expect a parent knows what clothes belong to their child

[Hocuspoc]

It's a nursery situation...
While I understand it is possible that staff mixes up kids clothes and perhaps puts my DS dirty onesy in another child's backpack, what I don't understand are the parents that keep the clothes that doesn't belong to them.
We lost a couple of cute pieces over the course of 2 months - never re-appeared in the nursery. What really surprised me is this: I found another kid's jumper in our bag, and I knew who it was because it is cute and I remembered seeing it. I am 100 percent sure. I texted the mother saying hey - got your jumper will bring it back tomorrow. She responded that she doesn't know if that belongs to them, it might (?!) and also - 'it doesn't really matter, she is never sure if what she finds in the backpack is theirs ha ha'

Am i too attached to DS clothes, do people actually don't care at all?
I felt kind of silly...I actually put together outfits for my little one - palmface.

I sew nametapes into every item of clothing (except for pants and socks) and label the bag but still an entire bag of clothes including the bag went missing never to be returned. I had to replace the bag and all of the clothes. I don't have enough clothes to not know/notice which belong to DC so I am puzzled too as to how you wouldn't notice it wasn't yours - cost of clothes aside is the storage space do people really have so much? (I say I'd know ours but some of it is very generic e.g. a plain zip up hoody which could belong to anyone but that's why I label it - not only do I get mine back but I know I haven't accidentally taken someone else's). Labelling is a pain but it makes it easier overall. Yanbu, I'd be annoyed too. Some clothes become a favourite so I would have to try and find an identical replacement. Yes I could say no you can't wear it to nursery but sometimes I just need to get out the door! I've not lost much that said, a few items over the past couple of years plus the one bag that was never returned.

I blame the dads or grandparents doing pick ups who don't do the wardrobe audits at home

Don’t we do nametapes any more?

I’d struggle, and I wouldn’t say im a disengaged parent in general.

I get hand me downs, or mixed bags of second hand clothes that use for nursery wear. I’m not great at labelling them as not that fussed if go awol. The spares bag I can easily not look at for weeks at a time, and typically stock directly from the second hand bag so I see stuff for maybe 2 minutes.

Clothes I put on child in the morning i see for maybe 5 minutes. Once we’ve had them a while i know them, first couple of times maybe not. Definitely wouldn’t be confident it was ours and not someone else’s.

Many do but that doesn't stop things being taken and knowingly kept when not the holders

Our kids nursery had an optional logo T-shirt ‘uniform’ that I sent ours in. They were stained with paint and grass etc. I always knew my kids clothes though so can understand anyone saying they wouldn’t.

My husband sent my boy into nursery wearing a brand new Bluey set. Haven't seen the t shirt for 2 weeks now 😑 it's annoying because whoever has kept it, knows it not theirs and chances are it belongs to someone who loves Bluey. Last week someone took his entire bag and it took for nursery to track it down before they realised it wasn't theirs!

I got a lot of hand me downs so honestly couldn't have always told you if they were ours.

Wait til you have a parent in a care facility, despite labelling, a number of mum’s (newer) items never were returned..

I haven't got a clue either. We have multiple kids of the same gender, buy bundles of clothes second hand, and occasionally have stuff given by grandparents or passed on from friends that I don't necessarily see being given to us. I'm also not really into clothes so one top looks the same as another. It's different for shoes and coats as they're pricey and you'll likely have one but little else warrants the headspace.

My children's school gather the lost property and donations from outgrown clothes and resell for a few pounds a few times a year. It's the Pta? I think who sell them, raises funds for the school and means I get cheaper uniform haha

Edited to add- they resell lost property after it's been unclaimed all year, not immediately 🤣

I can’t relate to the clothes at nursery situation as I’m a stay at home mum but I absolutely would be able to identify all of my toddlers clothing! I am the one who buys her clothes and washes them so I would find it really odd for another parent not to know their child’s clothing.

I’d know most of them but sometimes if my husband had bought, washed and dresssed the first time I’d see an outfit is picking her up!! They get through clothes so quickly there was always stuff going in and out. But in the whole yes I’d know. I’d also know immediately it was someone else’s as it would smell different

I think it’s deliberate sometimes. I was a stay at home Mum until they went into reception and the amount of times they came home in scruffy uniform that wasn’t theirs was very annoying, not labelled either when my kids clothes were. I just used to wash it and send it back then had to buy new clothes.

Exactly - and having spent most of my career working with children and adolescents with care needs I can staye with confidence that there's no correlation between being obsessive about clothing and being engaged with the education, development and overall wellbeing of the child/ young person.

Some caregivers who are meticulous about clothing are meticulous about everything and highly engaged. Others will micro focus on surface details like possessions either because possessions are very important to them, or as a distraction from more overwhelming issues and a way to feel in control.

The second group will be furious if their child doesn't bring their sunhat, sock or whatever home but not engage with meetings and services, send their child in sick or keep them off when they (the parent) oversleep (school children with additional needs needing the parental input typical of young nursery children), not clean their child's teeth because the child doesn't like it, let the child have a mobile phone or tablet as soon as they walk out of the setting and complain the child won't give it back at bedtime and doesn't sleep, and so on.

Other parents are relaxed about clothing and don't send their child in expensive or special outfits but might donate outgrown clothes/ toys/ rainwear to be kept as general spares and be very engaged indeed with their child's support, medical appointments, and development generally.

Sometimes people are really overwhelmed and doing what they can to cope - but whether they write angry emails about lost socks or having the wrong jumper doesn't tell staff either way whether they're generally highly engaged or are only engaged with matters pertaining to material possessions.