To be angry and upset

[Oldlady62]

I gave up work as it was stressing me out and I was getting sick. (Sepsis twice) as I was so run down.
We sat down with a financial adviser and it was decided that we were in a good financial position for me to retire.
Fast forward a year or so and my husband keeps making little digs about me getting a job.
Im 65 I have experience in caring but that's it. I have arthritis so wouldn't be able to go back to this line of work. I also have a few other medical conditions.
Today I said we needed something for the house and he said well get a job so you can pay for it then.
I gave him a stunned look and he left for work.
I know he works hard but I do absolutely everything in the house. Washing cooking cleaning gardening decorating etc etc.
I dont want to get a job if Im honest. I have a small income and pay for my own stuff like my phone car tax and insurance.
Ive paid for a LOT of stuff during our marriage but that get forgotten. Nearly every stick of furniture was bought by me.
I know Im dragging stuff up from year dot but Im just so angry and upset

I think you need to talk sensibly to him - he agreed with you retiring early, but now the reality is hitting, does he feel you need more money coming in? Is he feeling the pressure more?

is it the case that while he can’t claim his pension for a few more years, if you were paying towards the household expenses, could he save enough to bridge the gap of retiring a year or two early?

if full time work is too much for you, would you look at very part time options to bring small amounts in to cover bigger expenses- eg if local schools need lunchtime staff

She isn't at home raising small children. How much washing, cooking and cleaning are we imaging the OP is doing?

Yeah, work stresses me out (and probably your husband if you think about it!) Unfortunately I can't just quit ("retire") as we still have to pay the mortgage so my salary is very much needed.
I would be very pissed of if my husband decided to retire and potter around the home and garden then made out he was doing the equivalent of a full time job, I expect I would pee myself laughing at him to be honest.
Your husband is clearly desperate for you to take at least some of the financial load so he can slow down too, or do you feel like he should keep slogging away so you can be a lady of leisure?

It's honestly not fair to expect him to keep working full time to pay most of the bills. It sounds like he's resentful. Appreciate it's not easy to find a part time job at 65 though especially if limited by health problems.

It will be impossible and anyway she's doing a job taking care of everything at home.

They say with a financial advisor and agreed her retirement?

What a nasty reply from you.

For 2 adults there really isn’t much “taking care of everything” to do! This isn’t a SAHM with 3 under 5!

God.some cutting replies here !
Having sepsis twice in 6 months takes it out of you . Work stress doesn't help recovery either. I also have a heart condition an other things going on .

We've spoken about my retirement for years and now we in a position to let me retire I did.
We had a chat and he said he was just being sarcastic and said no way am I getting a job.
I will end this discussion now and vow never to read or post on Mumsnet again as some bad minded people on here. Farewell

Unbelievable. We have people saying the OP, who has health problems, needs to get a job as well as do all the housework because it's "not fair" that the husband should pay all the bills.
Lots of knee-jerk male supporters on this thread.

I will repost the relevant bits that some posters have conveniently ignored.

I gave up work as it was stressing me out and I was getting sick. (Sepsis twice) as I was so run down.

Im 65 I have experience in caring but that's it. I have arthritis so wouldn't be able to go back to this line of work. I also have a few other medical conditions.

I know he works hard but I do absolutely everything in the house. Washing cooking cleaning gardening decorating etc etc.

So should wash, cook, clean, garden, decorate, etc. and get a job, despite arthritis and other health conditions, despite being qualified only for work she can no longer do, just because an entitled, passive aggressive man is displeased with his level of financial responsibility. Got it. Mustn't get unwell and displease the menfolk. 🙄

You are completely in the right on this.
Please don't leave, that's just letting the ableist bullies scare you away and when that happens there's one less voice to confront their bullshit.
I'm glad to hear your husband was just kidding, though it was certainly an unkind, hostile sort of humour. Hope he learned something from this. 🩷

Oh bullshit! I live in a home of two adults and there is plenty of work.
The OP has a heart condition, arthritis and has been very ill of late, so your comments are ableist nonsense.

I think he is being an arse, and hopefully he can see that now.

You are 65, have had sepsis twice recently and have other health conditions. You are entitled to retire, so tell him to shut up. If it's a joke then it certainly isn't funny.

How easily do people (including some on this thread) think that a 65 year old with significant health problems will just walk into a job anyway?

IKR. I shouldn't be shocked by some of the comments on this thread, because MN is full of this sort of foolishness. But every now and then one example stands out to me as particularly egregious.

My DP got free gym membership after having a heart attack, it's part of the rehab. It's also given and recommended for arthritis. Someone I know goes just to walk on the treadmill after having a stroke and needing to hold on to something. WLI are ideal for, over menopause age, women who have health conditions. What's your point?

Iv been the sole wage earner. I was surprised how much pressure I felt. It was a lot of weight to carry and the metal responsibility felt huge. Iv never felt such relief when dh started working again

Of course she goes to the gym and has weight loss injections! That's exactly what you do when you are trying to treat a heart condition and arthritis. You need to lose weight, improve your strength, mobility and cardiovascular function.
Again, unbelievable.

The ignorance about health being displayed in this thread is off the chain.

Whilst he's not being fair I think him being resentful at times is inevitable. I know I would be. Can you look for some very part time work, odd shift in a cafe or a few hours helping an older person at home, or similar, to help with some expenses?

OP is going to the gym and taking weight loss injections, there’s certainly nothing preventing her getting a part time admin job or something similar if need be.

There’s also 2 adults in that home, nobody said OP has to do all of the “housework”.

Its a couple in their 60s ..she doesn't mention kids so I assume if there were any they've gone. Taking care of a house with two adults is very much NOT a full time job FFS. I mean, you can always find things to do if you like a prize winning lawn or hoover three times a day but that's not actually necessary.

I do however disagree with the digs about WLI and gym. Taking care of your health is not a luxury and shouldn't be seen as such.