About my friend inviting an extra guest to a double date

[CVVFan]

So I have a friend who I’m friends with and my DH is friends with her DH. We do go out semi regularly as couples (think once every 3 months and for special occasions).

Tomorrow we’re going to a local event and originally it was supposed to be to be the 4 of us, but she ended up inviting a friend of hers. I’ve met her once, but she’s definitely not our “vibe” I’m slightly annoyed but not enough to tell her, but wondering if I’m being too precious

Depends on the event, fine dining for 4, then she's out of order for inviting a 5th person.
Local food market/festival kind of thing, I wouldnt be so fussed.

I wouldn't like that, it will change the whole dynamics.

Out of interest what is not your vibe?

Agree, I know a lot of mn is 'more the merrier' but this would irk me, maybe you should open the invitation up?

Nope, I think that is very rude thing to do.
In a similar situation I have said we will let you crack on and meet up another time.
I wouldn't dream of doing this to friends and will not accept it being done to us.
Our time is too precious.
By going you will be rewarding her rudeness.
I wouldn't.

Ah, it’s nice to include people, especially if they wouldn’t otherwise have anyone else to go with. Stops you getting too ‘smug-married’ (unless you spend the whole occasion asking them why they’re still single 😃).

She’s still very bitter (when I met her anyway!) and only talks about how much she hates men

The way you refer to it as a double date...does it mean it's an issue because she's single? If she brought a partner would it make it any better?

I personally wouldn't mind one bit. But I don't really have a concept of 'double dates'. I'd just either go somewhere with my partner only or if it's more people then whoever wants to join in really.

And possibly very lonely, so her friend is trying to be supportive and include her on things? Yes, I’m massively projecting here… as a newly single and very lonely person myself, finding a social life is hard.

Obviously you can feel miffed about having AN Other on your date, and if it bothers you, don’t go.

I mean she knows I don’t have many other friends (just another couple) so why not do that with me? I certainly don’t get invited to other “soirées” with her other friends.

not that I want to, but in principle.

Oh Christ….not for me.

Your friend sounds generous. You sound miserable.

Tell your friend straight!

Why have you invited Diane? I don’t get on with her and it was supposed to be the four of us. It will now be just the three of you as we aren’t coming.

How am I miserable? I just a fairly private person.

You sound miserable because you begrudge her friend coming. What's being private got to do with anything. Youre going to a social event, not a private room. Say hello to her. You don't have to spend the night keeping her entertained.

But it’s the type of thing where you sit at a table ALL night, so you don’t go and split into groups, and the conversations would be between all 4 about our “things” thus being with a stranger would
mean that won’t be able to happen. It’s not like we’re going to an Oktoberfest

I don’t think your friend has done anything wrong because it’s not like you’re going out just the two of you for an intimate catch up. It’s already a group of four and if she doesn’t know that you don’t like her other friend then she probably doesn’t realise it would bother you.

She probably doesn’t invite you out with other couple friends because you have a partner, but this friend doesn’t. It sounds like she’s having a hard time and your couple friend is just trying to be nice.

I wouldn’t like it either Op. If I’ve arranged a night out with friends then I’d not want a friend of a friend to come along. I’m not mean or horrible but it would just change the vibe too much for me (also private) & I’d rather not go (& if I were you, I’d actually cancel as I know I’d not enjoy myself & life is too short to do things I don’t enjoy!)

But it’s intimate as there’s things that we discuss between the 4 of us. Were the type of friends who’d go on holidays together (we don’t because we have different expectations)

Unless your going to a swingers party, what's the problem. Dont talk about private things in front of her.

So it’s a meal?

A friend of mine did this the other day. Suggested she and her DH meet up with me and my DH for drinks. Then turned up with her adult Dc and some people I'd never met. It can work, but it didn't. It was just polite chit chat all night, making very small talk with the people we didn't know and asking young adult Dc how they are getting on with job/flat hunting. It changed the dynamic. I wouldn;t have done it to her.

Maybe you’ll find yourself single someday and hopefully nobody will have an issue with you being invited along to a night out.

You're two couples ...when I first read this I genuinely thought it was a first date. I think your friend should have agreed this with you. However, I don't think suggesting that a single friend joins you is wrong. I bet the men in the group don't care.

She'll probably get bored, pretend she's not there and just talk about how happy you are in your relationship. I hate single people who can't stop being bitter over being single. Get a partner or shush!