To ask neighbour to close curtains

[Handrearedmagpie]

First of all, I know IABU. It's more a question of HOW unreasonable.
My young DS is autistic, non speaking and has a severe learning disability. Meltdowns are triggered by sudden changes like adverts on the TV. Neighbour diagonally across street from me has very large windows and an ENORMOUS TV. Never shuts her curtains/blinds so DS can watch her TV from our house and fixates on it when his own tablet is removed before bedtime.
Every. Single. Night. It's meltdown when adverts appear on her TV. Obviously I shut our own blinds but he knows her TV is there and just opens them again, or he will go upstairs and hyper focus on her TV from my bedroom window.
How horrendously unreasonable would I be to ask her to close her blinds for half an hour at night just to avoid this nightly hysteria??! I'm at my wits end with it.
YABU - absolutely unreasonable. It's your child's disability to manage.
YANBU - you can only ask and see what she says.

I would be happy to do this for a neighbor but I would rarely remember to do it. 😂

I wish folk would stop suggesting that the neighbour isn't entitled to live her life in a way that suits her, especially as she's doing absolutely nothing wrong.

I"m shocked by how many people wouldn't change a tiny thing in their lives to help a disabled child. I'd close my curtains early if the situation was explained. I do agree though that I might forget sometimes after a few months, but hopefully by that point the pattern would be broken.

8pm is not late at night. 10:30pm is late at night.

Sorry OP but whilst I would sympathise, I am not closing by blinds / curtains and sitting in the dark / turning on lights during daylight hours. It's not a "temporary" ask - you are asking her to change the way she lives forever because of your needs. On dark nights yes - but I would do that anyway. To be honest if privacy film doesn't work, it's on you to change your windows - you can install windows / units that have privacy glass.

Weird...

And this is why society is fucked

How mind-bogglingly infantile of you.

It is quite entitled though.
The rest I don't agree with.
OP needs to find her own solution, not impose on neighbours.

If he becomes aggressive with change then isn't there a chance that when the neighbours curtains are closed that would now also become a change in his routine and set him off anyway ?

I dont care if it does or not, I am being realistic about what I am capable of doing for a neighbour and making promises I cant keep is not kind either.

I am not setting alarms on my phone for stuff like this. If you think that makes me an arsehole then fine, think that. You arent exactly coming across as "kind" yourself.....

I grew up with close family with autism and OCD. I would get the covering installed the other way on the window. We grew up with timers on the taps, locks on the cupboards, and all manner of adjustments. It's what you have to do. I wouldn't ask the neighbour.

She said

but he pushed the door so hard it broke off

If my neighbour asked me and explained why I’d do it.
Particularly if as the Op describes the room is duel aspect.

There's no harm in asking! But for me it would be a no I'm afraid. I get really bad SAD and lack of sunlight makes me feel really depressed so I keep the curtains open as long as possible as it really affects my mood otherwise.

In winter it would be fine but not in summer when its light out.

In theory I would be happy to do it but in practice I don’t think I could 100% say I would remember every night to do it at the same time, so it’s likely that some nights it would be later or I might forget or lose track of time. Would the inconsistency be worse? I could be really on it for a week or so though, but I think indefinitely I would struggle to remember every night.

not doing something so trivial that takes 15 seconds to help another mother out because you “won’t put an alarm on your phone” (thanks for the real reason not “I’m too busy”) is arseholian behaviour.

I wasn’t trying to be “kind”. I’m too busy! 🙄

It’s not entitled to ask for help, the op is very clear that she wouldn’t have an issue with them saying no. She won’t know how her neighbour feels about it if she doesn’t ask.

The PP saying they’d laugh in her face and go out of their way to make her life more difficult is one of worst things I’ve seen on here in a while.

I wasn’t trying to be “kind”. I’m too busy! 🙄

You could always put an alarm on your phone throughout the day to remind you. It only takes 15 seconds after all.

Who gives a fuck? That's not the neighbour's problem

I missed the part about it being a week but even then I would struggle to remember -baby brain. And don’t have a set routine (joys of nightshift worker) so some nights I’m home with my feet up others still doing stuff around the house or out doing other things.

As I said in previous posts too my tv is left on for the dog when I’m out. He has separation anxiety and having the tv on helps with this and have the blinds open to allow him to see out otherwise they will be pulled down anyway by him.

If I was home and remembered at 8pm then I would definitely close them to help out. But more often than not the tv is on and I’m in other parts of the house cooking/showering/doing day to day life etc. I’m pregnant at the moment but due soon and I’d imagine with a new baby in the house remembering to close the blinds at a set time will be the least of my concerns.

so as much as I sympathise with the OP and would want to do what I could to help out I think in all honesty I would struggle with the request or upholding it past the first couple days. Then I would be feeling guilty about agreeing to something that I couldn’t uphold.

I do live alone too so it would be down to me at all times to remember. I think if OP asks either a letter explaining it to the neighbour of a sit down chat would be the way to go. But also being understanding if the neighbour can’t do it with or without reasons.

I think you would be unreasonable

You close your blinds and distract your child

You can't expect everyone to adapt to you and your child

It's not 'so trivial' though, as many people have already explained.

It’s not but sometimes people are willing to be nice to each other, especially their neighbours.
obviously an alien concept to some.

It is entitled to expect a neighbour to change their life because of your problems. Even asking is intruding.
OP needs to find her own solution.

Op I would happily help you, I’m a special needs mom myself. it’s exhausting and I wish I could give you a hug and make you tea. 💝

I quoted the above though just to say of course there are lazy special needs parents! Any one can be lazy and having a disabled child doesn’t make us all hardworking saints.

My mom was such a lazy parent all of her kids were removed and my little brother has autism and FAS, my sis and I have ADHD. It’s silly to say this.