New Partner - Herpes - too many outbreaks?

[AlienSupaStar]

Posting here for traffic. If it's inappropriate please report and I will get it moved.

Summary: I have met a man who I really, really like. He is attractive, kind, respectful, emotionally intelligent, intellectually curious, respectful of my co-parenting responsibilities and makes me happy.

He told me almost immediately that he has cold sores and has herpes outbreaks down below. I cant tell you how much I appreciated this honesty - we hadn't done anything at all yet at this point; not even a kiss - but he was so honest and clear and answered any questions I had etc. I have so much respect for how he handled it. I come from a culture where dishonesty by omission is quite standard when it comes to STI issues.

We have been seeing each other and it's great. I want to make it clear I have no issue with how he has handled it, or that he has it. He has fallen over himself to be communicative / keep me safe. We don't kiss when he has a cold sore obviously and we definitely have a very cautious approach to any other intimacy - he is fastidious about it.

He is respectful, considerate, communicative, careful and all this on top of the fact that I really like him.

My question is:

TLDR:
How often normally would you expect these outbreaks to occur?

Reason for asking is that he has had cold sores on his lips back to back for almost 3 weeks now. One went down and just when it was crusting over another one popped up.

Down below, it seems to take a really long time for them to heal and he absolutely shuts down any touching etc during these periods (rightly so, not complaining) but it just seems like these are a lot of outbreaks.

He doesn't eat well. He does a physical job and when he gets in he just eats anything. I have tried to add in more veg etc to our joint meals, more fruit, vitamins etc but I just feel like he is really run down. I am also not ready to sign up to doing all the cooking - we are just seeing each other at this point.

We haven't had a clear run of uninterrupted intimacy (from kisses to other things) for more than a week I don't think in 8 months. Is that normal?

I want to be sensitive; I in no way want to tell him how to manage his health but I wondered if this outbreak frequency is too high? It seems to be, to me, although I don't know much about it.

Any suggestions from anyone?

Other than trying to get him to look after himself more (diet, exercise) and trying to calm my fanny gallops, I'd really appreciate some ideas / lived experiences or anything. It just feels like it's very frequent.

TIA

Sorry it's long.

I've had type one on the genital area for 20 years or so and I almost never get outbreaks now. Was he infected very recently? He needs to take aciclovir every day and zinc supplements but PP are right that this is his issue to address not yours on his behalf.

Yes early on in the infected stage you get much more outbreaks. I get cold sores and in the first year or so I had them all the time. Touch wood I just don’t get them anymore!

Everyone is different! I caught it 10 years ago and have had one outbreak during that entire period. I know that people who have more than 6 a year can get suppressant medication from the GP (I took it myself during my pregnancies and it had no side effects.)

This sounds extreme, he should be talking daily aciclovir for this level of outbreaks.

I have herpes outbreaks on my lips. I haven’t had one for years. They peaked as a teen, often triggered by the sun.

Did you split with him?

I have HSV2 but on my shoulder not on my genitals and it used to come as often as this (and that was when I was fit and healthy!). Post Covid it was even worse as Covid seemed to supercharge it and make it much worse.

The best treatment is Valtrex (Valacyclovir) which he can get from Superdrug Online. Note the stuff the NHS GP gives you (aciclovir) you have to take more often and people often forget which is why it doesn’t work as well. Valtrex you take once a day (and can take twice a day if needed).

btw even if you are not being intimate when he has outbreaks, he can still give it to you outside that time and you most likely already have it as it sounds like he has a vicious version of it

@DurinsBane

Unfortunately yes. We are still friends though.

Am v sad about it all to be honest.

@Mumsknot

Thanks for your post and all the info in it.

I had no idea you could get it on shoulders.

I am slightly concerned that you say I might already have it. Why do you say that? I know about shedding but is there more I dont know?

This is all academic as we no longer see each other than to chat but I’d still like to know for my own information.

It seems a very cruel disease.

Avoiding kissing or sex while having sores helps, but it can still be transmitted if sores aren't present. I do think that he was very brave and responsible to let you know. He can take medication to help, but I think it's important to know that genital herpes is much more common than anyone thinks, I knew someone who had it and only ever had 1 outbreak (but told partners anyway). You could see how the relationship progresses, and if he's a decent sort he'll wait till you're ready.

@AlienSupaStar the reason I say this is I went out with someone who had it in 2016. I even went and got blood tests and all sorts and it said I didn’t have it and hadn’t picked it up from him. But a year or so later , I got an outbreak (having not slept with anyone in the intervening period). Turns out it can stay dormant and only when you get an outbreak and develop the antibodies does it show in your blood.