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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I think my DH has a crush AIBU to say something?

27 replies

Crushircrushhim · 31/07/2025 17:23

I think my DH has himself a little crush.

I introduced him to a fitness class I do. Lots of different instructors, all women, mostly 30’s with amazing figures in skimpy outfits.

My DH mentioned one of them that he’d asked her some questions over email. I asked him how he got her email and he said over instagram.

Not sure it’s classed as snooping but all I had to do was look at his profile (I’m following him and he me) to see them both following each other. She’s hot and 30’s, he’s mid 50’s.

AIBU to ask him if he’s got a crush on the go and to act his age, not shoe size? Or is this nothing?

I don’t really want to be one of these cliches where my DH runs off with the yoga teacher. TBH she’s hot and I’d stand no chance.

OP posts:
StafaQuested · 31/07/2025 17:26

I wouldn’t say anything OP

ThatGladTiger · 31/07/2025 17:32

What questions was she asking?

For example if he’s a mortgage broker and she wanted mortgage advice then fine…..

5128gap · 31/07/2025 17:37

In fairness if you think she's hot and you wouldn't stand a chance, it's probably highly unlikely your H would stand one either. A gorgeous woman 20 years his junior is probably only interested in him in her professional capacity. I'd not say anything to him unless you feel he's crossing a line and making a nuisance of himself to her or making himself a laughing stock.

HenDoNot · 31/07/2025 17:38

So he’s started following a hot instructor on Instagram, made up a reason to contact her out of class, and now he has metionitis.

Ugh what a creep. Hopefully he’s just another in a long line of pervy letches that she’s well used to dealing with and she and all the other hotties are having a right old laugh at what a sad bastard he is in the instructors WhatsApp group.

DontTouchRoach · 31/07/2025 17:41

It's not remotely unusual or suspicious for someone to follow their yoga instructor on social media, or for their teacher to follow them back. Building a social media following one way that the teacher can build/reach a client base, following someone you're paying for a service is not immature or the sign of a crush.

My personal trainer and I follow each other on Instagram. I'm a middle-aged woman, he's a super-fit 24-year-old bloke. I certainly didn't follow him because I had a crush on him. I follow him because he shares bits of fitness advice and updates on his services etc. I also follow my hairdresser and the bloke who does our decorating / house jobs. I don't fancy them, either.

I'd find it really fucking weird and controlling if my partner started a) checking my Instagram to see who I followed and b) insisting that it must mean I have a crush on them.

Aquabluemouse · 31/07/2025 17:46

So they’ve had one conversation via email and he’s mentioned her once in context of that email exchange and you now think he has a crush based on that?? Or is there more?

Btowngirl · 31/07/2025 17:50

DontTouchRoach · 31/07/2025 17:41

It's not remotely unusual or suspicious for someone to follow their yoga instructor on social media, or for their teacher to follow them back. Building a social media following one way that the teacher can build/reach a client base, following someone you're paying for a service is not immature or the sign of a crush.

My personal trainer and I follow each other on Instagram. I'm a middle-aged woman, he's a super-fit 24-year-old bloke. I certainly didn't follow him because I had a crush on him. I follow him because he shares bits of fitness advice and updates on his services etc. I also follow my hairdresser and the bloke who does our decorating / house jobs. I don't fancy them, either.

I'd find it really fucking weird and controlling if my partner started a) checking my Instagram to see who I followed and b) insisting that it must mean I have a crush on them.

Someone with some sense on MN!

OP you sound reasonable, this poster is offering sound advice

Reddog1 · 31/07/2025 17:52

I’m not seeing a red flag really. As PP said, I’ve got male gym workers, my plumber, my hairdresser on social media. They’re mostly conventionally attractive but I don’t fancy them. I message them if I want/need to and my DP has nothing to worry about, neither do their partners.

Dangermoo · 31/07/2025 17:54

I think you need to find your self esteem. This is a sad read, all round.

cofffeeee · 31/07/2025 17:55

Fees like a man bashing day on MN.
Threads are thick and fast today.

RoadAtlas · 31/07/2025 17:57

OP, surely you'd find out what he's asking her about before jumping to any conclusions? Without further context, my first thought would be that he wants to get in shape and is asking one of the women who has helped his wife with this, after his wife introduced them?

GoldDuster · 31/07/2025 18:05

I think as long as the questions he asked her were fitness class related and not, would you like to meet up after the class on Thursday and start an affair behind my wife's back, you're all good.

Stop snooping. There are hot women everywhere, this way madness lies.

ShallIstart · 31/07/2025 18:24

I am now thinking I might try taking mine to yoga class and see if anyone will take him off my hands.
How is your relationship OP, I could joke with my DH if I thought he had a crush and say, outright to him if I thought he was overstepping. I would just ask. Probably with hope that he would actually find someone else who would put up with him.

lalalalalady · 31/07/2025 18:37

So why did you ask him to come along? Isn’t it obvious he would be communicating with them if you’ve told him to join in on your hobby?

TrishM80 · 31/07/2025 18:46

Sounds like nothing really.

Smallchangebigstep · 31/07/2025 18:53

Teenagers have " crushes" .
50 year old men don't. That's not to say they don't fancy women and find them attractive. They do. But they are are adults and not infatuated teenagers.

If you are worried about whether your husband' s interest in this woman is sexual then why don't you talk to him about it? Why don't you tell him if you are worried? And give him the chance to reassure you.

milkandblackspiders · 31/07/2025 18:57

I follow my yoga teacher on Instagram - because why wouldn't I? He posts yoga content updates on classes.
He is also 10 years younger than me and attractive but I promise I dont have a crush on him!

Eenameenadeeka · 01/08/2025 08:18

Messaged her about what? I don't think if he had a crush he'd be talking to you about her?
And I wouldn't tell him to "act his age, not shoe size" because it makes you sound about 12.

Original poster
Crushircrushhim · 01/08/2025 09:51

Thanks for all the replies.

I’m feeling my age lately (50’s), yes I do need to work on my self esteem as someone pointed out, and I have always been a bit jealous if anyone pays my DH attention. 3 of my friends DH have all run off with younger women so feeling a bit paranoid.

I agree that it’s a me issue. I did ask him about it and he thought it was funny.

Thanks for the comments and this has reminded me to make myself happy rather than rely on others (DH) for my self esteem.

OP posts:
islaw3048unfln · 06/08/2025 18:02

5128gap · 31/07/2025 17:37

In fairness if you think she's hot and you wouldn't stand a chance, it's probably highly unlikely your H would stand one either. A gorgeous woman 20 years his junior is probably only interested in him in her professional capacity. I'd not say anything to him unless you feel he's crossing a line and making a nuisance of himself to her or making himself a laughing stock.

This 100%. Unless he’s a Brad Pitt or George Clooney lookalike, which I highly doubt.

Lots of young women experience an older man crushing on them and it’s usually just seen as a nuisance. It can occasionally be flzttering but 95% of the time the woman wants nothing from it.

islaw3048unfln · 06/08/2025 18:10

DontTouchRoach · 31/07/2025 17:41

It's not remotely unusual or suspicious for someone to follow their yoga instructor on social media, or for their teacher to follow them back. Building a social media following one way that the teacher can build/reach a client base, following someone you're paying for a service is not immature or the sign of a crush.

My personal trainer and I follow each other on Instagram. I'm a middle-aged woman, he's a super-fit 24-year-old bloke. I certainly didn't follow him because I had a crush on him. I follow him because he shares bits of fitness advice and updates on his services etc. I also follow my hairdresser and the bloke who does our decorating / house jobs. I don't fancy them, either.

I'd find it really fucking weird and controlling if my partner started a) checking my Instagram to see who I followed and b) insisting that it must mean I have a crush on them.

Agree with this also.

I don’t consider myself ´hot’, but I’ve been on the receiving end of a 50 something with an apparent crush and an angry wife. She clung to him, death stared him and looked me up and down! She then clearly gave him instructions not to speak to me, unless it was over the phone and she was listening! It was crazy and I felt awkward.

Luckily I very rarely bump into them these days.

islaw3048unfln · 06/08/2025 18:19

Crushircrushhim · 01/08/2025 09:51

Thanks for all the replies.

I’m feeling my age lately (50’s), yes I do need to work on my self esteem as someone pointed out, and I have always been a bit jealous if anyone pays my DH attention. 3 of my friends DH have all run off with younger women so feeling a bit paranoid.

I agree that it’s a me issue. I did ask him about it and he thought it was funny.

Thanks for the comments and this has reminded me to make myself happy rather than rely on others (DH) for my self esteem.

Glad you feel better. What did your DH say?

BellissimoGecko · 06/08/2025 18:22

Crushircrushhim · 01/08/2025 09:51

Thanks for all the replies.

I’m feeling my age lately (50’s), yes I do need to work on my self esteem as someone pointed out, and I have always been a bit jealous if anyone pays my DH attention. 3 of my friends DH have all run off with younger women so feeling a bit paranoid.

I agree that it’s a me issue. I did ask him about it and he thought it was funny.

Thanks for the comments and this has reminded me to make myself happy rather than rely on others (DH) for my self esteem.

Sounds like a good plan!

JMSA · 06/08/2025 18:22

I wouldn’t like this at all.

ginasevern · 06/08/2025 18:28

No, I wouldn't like this either. To those women saying they message their 24 year old fitness instructor (or whatever), there's a difference. The difference being that you aren't inflicted with a massive male ego. Not saying you don't want to shag him, but you probably realise it ain't gonna happen. Men always think it's going to happen and will push the boundaries as far as they can.