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Original poster

Friends day out

31 replies

Rafting2022 · 31/07/2025 05:51

We are a group of 4 friends and regularly meet up for days out where we usually meet in time for lunch, then shopping, then evening meal then home by 8/9pm. Let’s call them Rita, Sue and Bobby.

We couldn’t find a day when we were all free so 3 of us met up yesterday and Rita said no problem to go ahead without her. We know Rita via Sue and I messaged Sue a few days previous to say shall I ask Rita if she wants to meet us after work for tea. Good idea said Sue so I messaged Rita on our group chat to say join us when you can, Rita said great will do.

The 3 of us met up yesterday in my home town about 20 minutes away from where everyone else lives. On the day Bobby said she had to be back for 7 as she was meeting some other friends. Sue said she wanted to be home early too to help her daughter with some paperwork. I think they hoped Rita had forgotten about the evening/wouldn’t turn up. It went out of my mind for the rest of the day with shopping etc.

Rita then messaged me (not on the group chat) at 5:30 to say she was on her way and where shall we meet. By this time Sue and Bobby were arranging to get home so I felt obliged to stay and have a meal with her.

I now feel irritated given that we know Rita via Sue and she could have stayed and still been home by 8 to do whatever she needed to do. I have only spent time with Rita in a group situation and it was a bit awkward with just the 2 of us.

Do I say something to the others? Or should I have just said to Rita when she said she was on her way Sorry plans have changed we’re all on our way home which just seems rude?

OP posts:
Genevieva · 31/07/2025 06:12

No. You were hospitable. Move on.

NoCowardSoul · 31/07/2025 06:22

No. It was your idea to ask her to meet. You deal with the consequences.

ChocolateBiscuitsandaCuppa · 31/07/2025 06:25

It was good of you to stay and meet Rita, however awkward if you know her through a mutual friend. It doesn't sound like anyone did anything wrong; just slightly frustrating for you.

Is there anything specific about what happened that has annoyed you?

Hellomeee · 31/07/2025 06:27

Don't make an issue out of this, poor Rita will think you dislike her or that she is awful company when there is an inevitable fall out and she finds out it is because you kicked off over having to spend one meal with her.

Didimum · 31/07/2025 06:32

Hellomeee · 31/07/2025 06:27

Don't make an issue out of this, poor Rita will think you dislike her or that she is awful company when there is an inevitable fall out and she finds out it is because you kicked off over having to spend one meal with her.

Agree.

OP, just get over it?

Changingplace · 31/07/2025 06:36

You're being weird, I think the rest of this friend group all see each other as equal friends rather than you only know Rita via Sue - and it was a nice opportunity to get to know her a bit better anyway.

Lurkingandlearning · 31/07/2025 06:37

You did a nice thing suggesting Rita could meet up with you all early evening and then texting her to invite her to do that. Don’t spoil that by now complaining that it ended up being just the two of you.

It was one awkward meal where hopefully you got to know her better. That should make all the meals you all have together in future more enjoyable.

Smallchangebigstep · 31/07/2025 06:42

So you thought they hoped Rita had forgotten about the evening/wouldn’t turn up.

And you are annoyed that you had to stay and have a meal with her because you have only spent time with Rita in a group situation and it was a bit awkward with just the 2 of us.

I'm certainly left feeling sorry for Rita because it doesn't sound as if she is a very welcome member of your "friendship group".

Perhaps if you spent a bit more one - on -one time with her you might actually get to like the poor woman .

verycloakanddaggers · 31/07/2025 06:45

You're turning this into a drama.

You're being weird about how you first came to know Rita, that doesn't matter now.

Original poster
Rafting2022 · 31/07/2025 06:46

Ok thanks all. In hindsight as soon as the others mentioned they had other plans later on, we should have messaged R to say plans have changed, we’re going home when the shops shut and we’ll re-arrange another time.

OP posts:
WhatNoRaisins · 31/07/2025 06:48

If Rita is someone you're ok spending time with to hen a casual meal shouldn't have been too excruciating. It's a good chance to get to know someone better.

BrickBiscuit · 31/07/2025 06:57

@Rafting2022, Half a story. Did you not tell Rita that Sue and Bobby were arranging to leave when she messaged? Or did you just leave Rita to turn up and find them missing? Or did she arrive as they were leaving? Was Rita expecting to eat with you only?

Coconutter24 · 31/07/2025 07:06

This is such a non issue 🤦‍♀️

gannett · 31/07/2025 07:15

Meeting up one-on-one with someone in a small friendship group of four people really shouldn't be awkward or excruciating, regardless of how you came to know them. Do you actually like Rita?

Bobby and Sue didn't behave well - they were flaky, which is not a cardinal sin but terrifically annoying and, on the day, quite rude.

If I'd been you I'd have happily met up with Rita anyway but then I like all my friends and enjoy spending time with them. If you didn't want to meet her one-on-one then the time to message her was when Bobby and Sue bailed - "it went out of my mind" is not remotely an excuse.

But it was good that you weren't flaky and didn't bail! I hope that regardless of the awkwardness you enjoyed some aspect of spending time with your friend.

WhatNoRaisins · 31/07/2025 07:17

Also I always thought meeting friends through other friends to be something very normal. Is this not the case anymore?

Daffodilsarefading · 31/07/2025 07:19

Look at it this way, you could become very good friends with Rita. Let it go.

ExtraOnions · 31/07/2025 07:22

Rita, Sue, and Bob too

Now I’ve got the song Ganbang by Black Lace as an ear worm, which is bad enough… even worse at 7:20am.

MissHollysDolly · 31/07/2025 07:23

You knew sue was going, and you chose to let Rita come out. It’s an issue of your own making

YawYoreYourYoure · 31/07/2025 07:31

ExtraOnions · 31/07/2025 07:22

Rita, Sue, and Bob too

Now I’ve got the song Ganbang by Black Lace as an ear worm, which is bad enough… even worse at 7:20am.

But it was just her and Rita wasn't it? Although the song claims a gangbang takes more than one, I'd argue it needs to be at least 3.
But yes, my mind also went straight to Black Lace which I will now no doubt be humming all day!

Bluetoothpaste · 31/07/2025 07:35

If you regularly meet up with this lady and like her enough to suggest meeting for dinner then I don’t understand why on Earth it would be awkward.

Surely a great opportunity to get to know her better? And she’ll have all sorts of positive feelings towards to for 1) being so thoughtful in the first place 2) making the effort to keep the engagement.

Cancelling would have been so rude.

user482904 · 31/07/2025 07:39

Things I dont understand about this scenario:

  1. Why is it "awkward" to spend time with Rita alone?? - you're friends with this person and presumably enjoy her being part of the group so why do you need two other people to hold your hand to spend time with her?
  2. Why would your friends "hope" she'd forget rather than just send her a simple text saying "so sorry Rita, we have to be home at x time now, lets arrange another time/date instead".

Sue and Bobby - the two you seem to need with you dont actually sound very nice people at all- hoping their friend would "forget" to turn up rather than being honest and upfront with her. They sound unpleasant.

Springflowersyay · 31/07/2025 07:41

I’m in a largish friendship/social group and I go out of my way to meet those I don’t know as well one-to-one for dinner or coffee now and again, as a way to get to know them better.
It’s a nice thing to do!! 🤷🏼‍♀️

mrsm43s · 31/07/2025 07:55

Rafting2022 · 31/07/2025 06:46

Ok thanks all. In hindsight as soon as the others mentioned they had other plans later on, we should have messaged R to say plans have changed, we’re going home when the shops shut and we’ll re-arrange another time.

Yes, indeed. And the onus was on you to do that, since it was you that extended the invitation to Rita. Take some responsibility.

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 31/07/2025 07:57

What a load of drama over nothing 🫣

Nestingbirds · 31/07/2025 08:08

You did the right thing. It was polite and hospitable. Rita might be wondering why the other two bailed, so she should have been updated about the early finish as soon as it was known.
For the next meet up Rita’s free dates should be prioritised. This can be why groups go wrong if one person is repeatedly left out. Even without intention.