Friends day out

[Rafting2022]

We are a group of 4 friends and regularly meet up for days out where we usually meet in time for lunch, then shopping, then evening meal then home by 8/9pm. Let’s call them Rita, Sue and Bobby.

We couldn’t find a day when we were all free so 3 of us met up yesterday and Rita said no problem to go ahead without her. We know Rita via Sue and I messaged Sue a few days previous to say shall I ask Rita if she wants to meet us after work for tea. Good idea said Sue so I messaged Rita on our group chat to say join us when you can, Rita said great will do.

The 3 of us met up yesterday in my home town about 20 minutes away from where everyone else lives. On the day Bobby said she had to be back for 7 as she was meeting some other friends. Sue said she wanted to be home early too to help her daughter with some paperwork. I think they hoped Rita had forgotten about the evening/wouldn’t turn up. It went out of my mind for the rest of the day with shopping etc.

Rita then messaged me (not on the group chat) at 5:30 to say she was on her way and where shall we meet. By this time Sue and Bobby were arranging to get home so I felt obliged to stay and have a meal with her.

I now feel irritated given that we know Rita via Sue and she could have stayed and still been home by 8 to do whatever she needed to do. I have only spent time with Rita in a group situation and it was a bit awkward with just the 2 of us.

Do I say something to the others? Or should I have just said to Rita when she said she was on her way Sorry plans have changed we’re all on our way home which just seems rude?

I get you OP I’m a people pleaser so would’ve struggled with this as well. I’d have felt obliged to stay because realistically it’s likely Rita would’ve felt a bit offended. So this is something I’d struggle with also. Then again OP Rita might have felt offended anyway if the other 2 left as if her company alone wasn’t worth the effort! So possibly the best thing might have been to be true to yourself and gone home - you said it was awkward anyway and to be realistic you probably couldn’t spare Rita’s feelings anyway

thing is you say in your last sentence it seems rude but the other 2 clearly didn’t have a problem with it !

Because it was you who messaged her inviting her after work, you did the right thing by meeting her. Otherwise that would have been so rude. If it's awkward spending time with her one to one, make sure you only invite her to that main group meet up. Don't add her to the end of the day. If she can't make it then that's fine as she's been invited.

The title of this thread reads like a cosy Britflick starring :

Helen Mirren
Julie Walters
Celia Imrie
Annette Crosbie

and Duncan Preston as the rather self effacing waiter

This, OP.

Did you enjoy the meal with Rita in the end? Or did you discover you don’t really like her much? At least you made the effort.

Good of you not to bail on Rita