To be so fed up of people assuming I’m going to have breast reconstruction

[drivinmecrazy]

I had a diagnosis of breast cancer last year.
many biopsies and lumpectomy’s later I had a. Mastectomy.

in the grand scheme of things I felt so fortunate.
I had the surgeries and the radio.
opted out of the chemo.

but since then I’m constantly being asked about if or when I’m going to have reconstruction.

im not. Nor do I feel the need to.

but it’s really starting to get to me.

im happy being lopsided. I’m happy that I’ve survived the past year.

I have so much to be grateful for but I feel that I’m not enough for some people, that I’m letting them down by not having more surgery to ‘fix’ me.

in my head I know that it’s about other people’s insecurities, I see their discomfort.
I might have felt like them in the past.

but I am what I am.

im just starting to get used to the new version of me.

no point to this thread really.
just the ramblings of someone thinking inside their head.

Good for you. Why should you endure a surgery after everything you have been through to meet some societal expectation. Fuck that!

I remember reading a novel once about a woman who got cancer, her husband left her over the stress of it and the fact she didn’t want a reconstruction. They both dated other people, she got the all clear and she decided to get the reconstruction . Once she’s cancer free and all perky he tries to win her back and succeeds!! It made me so mad

I personally will be having both breasts removed if I get breast cancer in one of them. A friend refused to have hers removed and 5 years later ended up with cancer in both breasts and lungs and spreading so badly she’s terminal. She also now has 2 children she’s leaving behind and I think for the sake of 2 lumps of fat etc they are not worth keeping and she’s literally given her life for her breasts! Having had breast implants and had them make me seriously ill - google silicone breast implant illness - caused permanent long term disability and illness - I had them removed and I’m happy with the little bits of whatever I have left and don’t care if other people don’t like them - they don’t belong to them!

I felt the same when I chose not to cold cap. As if you're not trying hard enough at cancer if you don't want to suffer any more for vanity.
I only had a lumpectomy but if I'd had mastectomy (and I did ask) I certainly wouldn't have bothered with reconstruction.

My friend didn't get the option of both being removed, they would only remove one.

I had a double mastectomy with no reconstruction. It was a very quick and clear decision for me. I have had a couple of people make weird comments but most people have been understanding. My body, my decision.

Had my single mastectomy in 2016. Never considered reconstruction. My remaining breast is very large so I don’t wear a prosthetic breast, it’s uncomfortable.

I felt a bit awkward about it at first but now, honestly I don’t think about it. No-one has ever commented.

We’re retiring very soon and when our lump sum pension amount comes through, I’ll be having private surgery to remove my remaining breast (5 mammogram recalls and 3 more biopsies since then, enough is enough!). I shan’t give being flat another thought.

Go with your gut!

I’m 6 years post mastectomy and I still occasionally get asked.
I now reply with, oh yeh can’t wait to become a patient again and have a balloon inserted into my chest to have my skin expanded and probably get multiple infections and then get the fat harvested from my stomach or my thighs to be pumped in to my pocket of skin and then the fat will move and dissipate and to go through fat harvesting AGAIN!
Response is usually, omgoodness, really ? Does that happen ??
It is a massive adjustment mentally, emotionally getting through treatment and yes does upset me at times, when clothes shopping and so sometimes think twice about being a Uniboober.
However when I want to be symmetrical I have a FOOB false boob !!
You’re doing great and luckily for us, we are more than a pair of tits, as they don’t definitely US .
Welcome to the club ! 💐

They won’t normally remove both of them.

I had one removed due to cancer and am currently battling to get the second removed because I hate being lopsided and I also don’t want a 2nd cancer because I am not doing that twice. 13 months and counting, currently pending psychological evaluation to see if i understand what I’m asking for. Totally fucking ridiculous, infantilising … could rant all day.

I’ll get there eventually. Just hope I don’t get cancer whilst I’m waiting .

My mum made the same decision as you. She has been happily lopsided and healthy for 10 years. She got this question a lot at first. I think because on TV they also show women also having it but those who haven't been through it don't realize it's just more surgery time, more anesthetic, more discomfort, more pain, more risk, after having gone through absolute hell of cancer treatment. It's just thoughtless.

Blimey, how rude!! 😠 Imagine thinking it's OK to say this to a woman who has had breast cancer surgery! Un-fucking-believable. I'm so sorry ...

@drivinmecrazy you should really learn to say 'what the hell, are you fucking kidding me?! How dare you ask me that!' But it's easier said than done to do this! Take care of yourself

Your body, your choice. My friend's mother has just had her second mastectomy (20 years apart) and jokes that she no longer feels lopsided. She refused reconstruction on both occasions and her medical team were very supportive.

My friend had a reconstruction which had to be replaced years later and having seen what she went through I would never go for that.

I have no breasts. I had a mx 15 years ago then another 2 years ago so now nothing. I did wear a prosthesis until I had the other mx.
2 years on its brilliant no bra it's great.
If you want some support come and join Flat friends on FB. It's amazing!
I'm now a regional coordinator for my county and we have monthly meet ups.
It's awesome community of fellow fatties or uniboobers.

I’m sorry, that must be so annoying. My aunt had to have a mastectomy and the fake one they gave her for appearances was heavy, sweaty and itchy. She ended up asking to have the other one removed and due to her weight and shape now has the appearance of A cups instead of her former Ks. I don’t think she gives a flying fuck how she looks now, she happily flashes her survivor scars at anyone who expresses the slightest interest.

Well done for getting through it all, you’re amazing!

I wouldn’t have breast reconstruction either. I have an obvious health issue with my face and it some how makes you public property, people seem to feel to comment offer suggestions. It is very annoying even they don’t mean it nastily.

I'm so pleased you've got through your illness.
My friend has just had a double mastectomy for her breast cancer. I would never have asked or pressed on what she wanted to do though. She chose to tell me. I hope people stop asking such things.

I guess as time goes on it will stop being a topic to other people. Everyone's decision about their breasts is the right one. And nobody should judge or imply you should do anything different.

I wish you continued good health x

This. My breast nurse actually said “sorry, we don’t do buy one get one free, it’s not Tesco”.

I was in absolute shock so just nodded.

How gobsmackingly fucking awful was that?!

I had my first mammogram at 30, with my baby on my lap. Had countless others since and know that before 70 I’ll probably have to have the other removed. I’m large breasted and verycysty. If they’d taken them both in 2016, would have saved the NHS many thousands.

But hey, I’m only a lumpy, large breasted woman. What do I know?

Wow!! Your responses have all been friggin wonderful.

i feel far less alone tonight.

I have areally supportive DH and two amazing children.
they’ve been unwavering in their support through this last year.

but I’m feeling like I’m o ly just coming to terms with it all, and can’t articulate it in a way they’d understand.

This is correct. It's not up to you. I was very keen to but unless you have the gene they won't do it as standard. @Nearly50omg I can't tell you about private.

OP my sympathies. I feel the same way about my hair. I'll be keeping it buzz cut from now on, or at least for the foreseeable. People can't wrap their head around it.

But who cares, I look great and I'm certain you will too. You can carry anything with confidence.

will they do the second mastectomy even if you pay? I would be really interested if you know already where/with whom you plan on having the operation

my mum had a mastectomy and wanted both sides done but they wouldn’t. This was despite one side having a big cancerous tumour (mastectomy done) and the other side having a tiny one (would only do lumpectomy - she wanted both gone).

my mum also doesn’t wear the prosthetic - finds it a nuisance. Nobody has commented.

Thank you for being unapologetically yourself Op. Never change because of society being stupid. I’d say I cannot believe people would ask you that question but unfortunately I’ve met many morons in my lifetime so I do believe you.

I’m so pleased that I started this thread.
it’s been wonderful to hear so many of your stories.
its made me feel less ‘strange’ and not so much of an outlier

it feels quite a lonely place sometimes.

Yes, they will.

Sorry, pressed post too soon! A private hospital in Perth (Scotland, not Australia. We’re retiring here.)