To be so fed up of people assuming I’m going to have breast reconstruction

[drivinmecrazy]

I had a diagnosis of breast cancer last year.
many biopsies and lumpectomy’s later I had a. Mastectomy.

in the grand scheme of things I felt so fortunate.
I had the surgeries and the radio.
opted out of the chemo.

but since then I’m constantly being asked about if or when I’m going to have reconstruction.

im not. Nor do I feel the need to.

but it’s really starting to get to me.

im happy being lopsided. I’m happy that I’ve survived the past year.

I have so much to be grateful for but I feel that I’m not enough for some people, that I’m letting them down by not having more surgery to ‘fix’ me.

in my head I know that it’s about other people’s insecurities, I see their discomfort.
I might have felt like them in the past.

but I am what I am.

im just starting to get used to the new version of me.

no point to this thread really.
just the ramblings of someone thinking inside their head.

I think you made a good choice op. It’s very surprising that even breast surgeons can have the view that reconstruction is the best thing. I was helping my mum decide - her priority was to get recovered from surgery quickly without problems etc - and the surgery without reconstruction is the best for this so I told my mum that not having reconstruction was her best plan in my opinion - surgeon said to my face that I had no respect for my mum’s quality of life because she would be depressed with having one side flat. I was gobsmacked. My mum went ahead with going flat and never regretted it. Our society is obsessed with all of us looking like Barbie.

Thank you. Hope it goes well for you.

Awww, that's good to hear. That we've made you feel a bit better. ❤

Oh thank you. Can’t wait: an end to decades of quiet worry 😊

For the poster that asked, the nhs will do a masectomy on remaining breast, you just have to argue it a bit. They won’t do it at same time as initial masectomy because 1) they want you to basically “prove” it’s what you want and not do it when you are still reeling from cancer diagnosis and 2) it would make the surgery longer and they need those time slots for other urgent patients oh and 3) you’d take longer to recover and if you have cancer a quicker recovery is important if chemo is on your todo list.

But they will do it at a later date if you ask, as long as you say it’s because you want symmetry and you understand it will not prevent the cancer you’ve already had coming back. Many NHS truets won’t do it if you say it’s for cancer prevention , which is bonkers to me but there you go.

Please ask to be referred it’s a totally reasonable request and you shouldn’t have to go private- although I understand if someone would chose to rather than putting up with the nhs’ stupid gate keeping.

Contary to that, for those of you who did go private how much did it cost?

also massive shout out to flat friends- join us on Facebook it’s an amazing group!

Thank you so much for posting this. My daughter is about to have a mastectomy and has no intention of undergoing further surgery just so that she looks 'normal'. She's also embracing the buzz cut look following months of chemo and I am so proud of her determination to accept her new reality.

My mil had one breast removed and never had reconstruction. Why put yourself through extra surgery if you dont want to? Just tell people to sod off

I am gob smacked people even ask or comment. I have had 2 friends have mastectomies and they volunteered that they had no reconstruction. I would never have asked. One does wear small prosthetics in a special bra. She just wanted to share that.

No one should be commenting or judging on a woman's choice to have reconstruction or not.

I do wonder though, if the NHS offered immediate reconstruction whether women would make a different choice. I had a single mastectomy but it was done privately and I was offered immediate reconstruction. So I woke up from the surgery with an implant already in place. No further surgery needed, no issues with skin having to be stretched or scar tissue dealt with. It was all done in one fairly quick surgery and minimal pain.

I'm in two minds whether to have the same done on the other side. My insurance won't cover it but my surgeon said she could justify it on the NHS. My cancer was very difficult to diagnose (mammogram and ultrasound showed nothing wrong) so I'm left with a lot of anxiety about it retuning and not being diagnosed in time.

I think bilateral mastectomy is offered, but it depends on the local hospital and the surgeon. I had right breast removed after cancer diagnosis by a lovely female surgeon. I asked about left breast removal and she agreed without hesitation. I'm in North Wales and here it's called "therapeutic mastectomy". I had to have a consultation with a psychologist, which is standard for the removal of healthy tissue for psychological reasons. Left breast was removed after 12 months on the waiting list. I was very grateful for this and totally understand priority should be given to surgery for women with active cancer. I'm now totally flat and very happy! I have prostheses for if I ever want more shape but I never use them, I'm happy with how i look.